Fierce at the Heart with Fire [Ch. 7]
Title: Fierce at the Heart with Fire
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and rape
I'm more than just an option
(Hey hey hey)
Refuse to be forgotten
(Hey hey hey)
I took a chance with my heart
(Hey hey hey)
And I feel it taking over
Chapter 7: Find Your Love
After the debacle that was kissing Young Bae, Ji Yong didn’t know what the hell to do. Honestly, he’s never been rejected like this, at least not by someone he legitimately wanted. Once he had ran out the apartment he had gone on a walk to clear his head, trying to get all the words Young Bae spewed at him out of his mind. But it was hard, he couldn’t imagine how lonely and hurt Young Bae had been. That was several hours ago though and now he was back in his room, having snuck back in around 2am after texting Seungri to make sure Young Bae had gone to sleep.
Arms spread wide and sprawled across his king size bed Ji Yong kept turning their earlier conversation around in his head. I should have stayed, he couldn’t help but think. I should have stayed and even if it hurt to have all my faults thrown back at me I should have stayed.
He doesn’t know what to do and it hurts him. To be honest he doesn’t even care if Young Bae wanted to be in a relationship with him, he just wanted his friend back. So what to do, he was out of ideas.
Bzz-zzzz-zzz
Ji Young pulls his vibrating phone out of his pocket and checked the text message. It was from Teddy hyung.
Come to the studio tomorrow around 2, I have to talk to you
Ji Yong didn’t know what this was about, he didn’t have anything to work on in the studio at the moment. At least nothing urgent.
What’s up, hyung?
He sent the text hoping that Teddy hyung would give him a good response, did they have some Japanese songs to work on?
Just come, I need to talk to you
---
Ji Yong is a ball of nerves as he walks into Teddy hyung’s studio. He has absolutely no idea what this was about and why he was called to be here. After the text from Teddy hyung last night he sent several back asking what their meeting was about but none were responded too, which just freaked him out more. Did he do something wrong?
Teddy hyung’s studio was a beautiful room of wood, chrome and electronics and usually Ji Yong would all but skip right in, this time however he does an awkward shuffle into the room and breathes a sigh of relief when he notices Kush hyung also there too. It can’t be that bad for Kush to be there.
For the next hour of so they go over some songs for Big Bang’s new album, going over ideas and concepts and working on a few beats. While Ji Yong notices that Teddy hyung wasn’t as friendly or happy with him as he usually is, barely smiling at him, things weren’t too tense. As if to compensate, Kush was extra hyper and spazzy and at one point the two of them were running around the studio acting crazy, which even manages to crack a smile from the uncharacteristically somber Teddy.
At around 3:30 Kush said he needed to leave, something about needing to go pick up something for his girlfriend. As he watches Kush hyung get up and grab his stuff, Ji Yong quietly tries to gather his stuff too and sneak out with him. The last thing he wants is to be stuck with a Teddy hyung who’s obviously not happy with him. He’s almost out the door, nipping at Kush hyung’s heels when he hears Teddy hyung call out at him.
“Ji Yong, where you going?”
Damn it. He turns back and with a guilty smile tells him he was just going to go home, you know, now that they were done and all.
“Naw, I have something I wanted to talk to you about.” Teddy fixes him with a dark stare and Ji Yong does an awkward shuffle back to his seat. He makes sure to focus his attention on the dials and buttons on the control board in front of him and not on the man beside him, he’s never had Teddy hyung angry at him before.
“I’m not your parents so I try not to get all up in you kids business,” Teddy hyung begins. “but I can’t keep cleaning up after your messes Ji Yong.”
Ji Yong head shoots back up in surprise. His mess? What the hell was Teddy hyung talking about?
The confused look on his face must have stuck a chord because Teddy starts talking again.
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, the situation with Young Bae.”
Wow, Ji Yong didn’t know what to feel. What did Young Bae tell Teddy hyung?
“What situation?” he asks, “did Young Bae say something?”
“No he didn’t say anything.” Teddy fiddles around with his fingers a bit and then glances back up at Ji Yong. “But who do you think he stays with when he’s not at the dorm. I know what’s going on with him better than pretty much anyone.”
Ji Yong should have known that. Teddy was practically Young Bae’s older brother, there was no other hyung in the company he was closer to. And he knew that when Young Bae was upset or just claustrophobic in the dorm he would stay with Teddy hyung.
“You’re not going to say anything?”
Honestly, Ji Yong has no response to Teddy hyung’s statement. What was he supposed to say? He tried his best and was brushed away, he kissed him and confessed his love and got nothing but cold taunts in return.
“What is there to say,” Ji Yong responds. “I know I was an ass for a while -” here Teddy interrupts with a cough that sounds a lot like ‘huge ass’ “-but I’ve done my best since to make up for it and he wont forgive me.”
At this point Ji Yong pauses and sighs, he looks at Teddy who has his eyes focus on the controls but is obviously listening to him.
“There isn’t anything I can do.”
They sit together in silence for a few minutes, neither saying a word or looking at the other.
“Have you figured out you’re in love with him yet?”
Ji Yong’s head snaps back up. Did Teddy hyung just say what he thought he said? Was he for real?
“urgh” was all he could say.
Teddy spins his chair till he’s facing him. His wearing his usual hoodie and cap combo and his dark eyes stare fire into Ji Yong’s from under his brim.
“So did you?” he asks again.
Ji Yong nods, and lets out a small “yeah”. He doesn’t know how Teddy hyung even knew about this considering he just found that out himself. Was him being in love with Young Bae obvious?
“How did it go?” Teddy keeps the tone conversational, as if they weren’t talking about Ji Yong confessing his gay love for his best friend. Honestly, this whole conversation was becoming surreal.
“Not well,” Ji Yong answers. “Not well at all.”
“Hmm, ok.” Teddy hyung nods his head. “I’m not surprised.”
They sit in silence once again. Ji Yong desperately wants to leave, this whole conversation is mad awkward and he hates it.
“Are you still seeing that model?”
“What?” Ji Yong is so shocked by the sudden break in the silence as well as the question that he kind of jerks in his seat. He’s embarrassed by his reaction but at least it manages to wangle a smile from Teddy.
Ji Yong doesn’t know what to say cause he knew Teddy hyung wouldn’t be happy with his answer. He technically was still seeing Iseul but he was in the process of calling it off, he just didn’t like the whole breaking up process. He’s been ignoring her calls and such and he expected her to break up with him soon. So he keeps silent.
“That’s what I thought,” Teddy says. Ji Yong could feel his eyes on him but he didn’t want to look over so he keeps his eyes on his hands, fiddling with his thumbs.
“Let me tell you something Ji Yong,” Teddy continues, his voice very cold and relax, as if he was talking to a stranger and not someone he’s known for years. “Young Bae is like my kid brother and I love him. And it really upsets me that you keep jerking him around like this. You understand why this upset me right?”
Ji Yong nods his head. Teddy hyung has never addressed him like this before and truthfully he’s kind of scared.
“Answer me, Ji Yong”
“Yes hyung, I understand.” He’s never felt this uncomfortable with Teddy hyung before, in fact he’s surprise to feel his heart racing.
“Good,” Teddy finally takes his focus from him and Ji Yong breathes a sigh of relief. “I think that you should spend less time confessing and more time thinking about what you want cause I’m tired of picking up pieces of Young Bae everywhere, you feel me?”
“Yes hyung,” Ji Yong replies.
“You can leave now, that’s all I wanted to talk to you about.” And with that Ji Yong was out of the chair with a flash, almost running out the door. Two feet from the door and he hears Teddy hyun call back to him.
“Oh, Ji Yong,” he says. “Break his heart one more time and I’ll cut off your balls and shove them so far up your ass you’ll be shitting sperm for a week, you understand me?”
It was all said with such a nonchalant and absentminded attitude that Ji Yong had no doubts that Teddy hyung meant them. And with those parting words, Ji Yong walks out the recording studio.
--
Young Bae slips his fingers in-between the hand resting heavy on his thigh. He was out to dinner in a private room with some friends...and with quiet possibly his new boyfriend. Jung Hwa or David as he likes to be called. They were introduced a couple of weeks ago by Ji Hye (honestly, Young Bae didn’t know how she knew all these people but she was always playing matchmaker among their friends and now was his turn).
David was older than him, 28 and working a field far away from music or dance or anything entertainment related though he did like the same music as Young Bae and played the saxophone (which was a really really hot fact). He was an electrical engineer and was working for General Electric’s Korean branch. Born and raised in the United States, David only recently moved to Korea and had the most adorable accent whenever he spoke Korean and he wasn’t the most fluent in the language. He was tall, firm and the too few times they gotten to meet up made Young Bae feel amazing. They haven’t had the opportunity to meet one on one yet, just thing like where they were now, chilling over good food and drinks with friends and lots of long conversations on the phone. David was the kind of man Young Bae could see himself actually introducing to his parents if, you know, they were still talking.
Sitting down on the long table, with several of his closest friends (mostly dancers from the company) talking and laughing around him and a glass of coke in hand Young Bae couldn’t help the smile on his lips from bursting out. After all the drama of the past several months, it was good to feel good again. He looks over at David, dressed in a dark gray sweater that accentuated his broad shoulders and the firmness of his biceps and dropped his gaze to his taunt stomach and licks his lips, yes he was through with dealing with little boys and the big drama they caused.
Several minutes later, he’s caught up in a conversation with Jo Sung Min hyung when he feels the hand on his thigh squeeze. Suddenly there was a breath hot in his ear.
“Come home with me tonight,” David whispers.
Young Bae giggles but he breath hitches when the hand moves up to rest by his groin. He turns around, Jo Sung Min forgotten as the blood rushes from his brain to somewhere more south and a lot more intimate. Biting his lips, he does his all to keep himself from bucking his hips into David’s hand.
“I can’t,” he whispers back. “I have practice in the morning”
“Urgh” he gasps as the hand starts fondling him, caressing and groping a place few have touched. He feels himself blush as he stares at all his friends just milling around. He’s heart quickens and he hopes no one notices. He’s never done something like this before. Thankfully Jo Sung Min seems caught up in another conversation and not paying attention to him either. The only one paying any attention is Miran who throws him a smirk, which just deepens his blush.
“Are you sure?” David ask, voice deep and tender and settling like honey into Young Bae’s ear. “I promise to take you back home in the morning.”
Young Bae was stunned to find his eyes had shut all on their own, so caught up was he in his pleasure. All the while he was talking David had kept the light touches on his cock steady. The fact that they were in a public place, among friends and where other people could easily find out what they were doing seem to inflame Young Bae’s desires more rather than cool them. He could barely suppress his groan as David stops as he failed to respond, just keeping his hand heavy in his most intimate of places; he couldn’t help bucking into his hand this time.
“You promise?” he managed to breathe out.
“Of course.”
“Then ok.”
David slips his hang back down his thigh and Young Bae groans in frustration, he’s never been so hard before. David chuckles and squeezes his thigh.
“We will continue this later,” he whispers. “And I promise that you will be well satisfied.”
---
Where the fuck was he?
Ji Yong had been waiting up for Young Bae all night and it was almost 4 in the morning and he hadn’t come home. He had called his cell phone over 8 times that night, had called all his friends and learned that Young Bae had left the dinner or whatever he was at by 11pm and that no one knew, or better yet no one would tell him, where the fuck he was. He better not be back with that stupid ass Hansol, Ji Yong swears to god he would beat the shit out of them both if Young Bae was stupid enough to get back with that fucker.
It had been 2 weeks since Teddy and him had their “conversation” and he had taken the words to heart. He officially broke up with his girlfriend, which was horrible since he hated hearing girls cry but it was for the best. And then he thought about what he really wanted. Did he want to be with Young Bae? Was he really in love? Could he actually see himself having sex with him? The answers to all three questions were yes, the last helped some by availing himself of some gay porn. It also showed that yes, he was very very attracted to men.
After that he felt he needed a huge gesture to show Young Bae that he was ready to love him, that he was ready and willing and everything he could ask for. He had to prove to Young Bae that he could never find a better man, a man who could love him longer, love him stronger than him.
But how?
How will he do this?
Young Bae was already mad at him, they hadn’t been speaking, so how to show this? And so Ji Yong wrote him a song. A song he finished a week ago (with Kush’s help cause it would have been too awkward to ask Teddy) and was having the hardest time finding the perfect time to give it to Young Bae. Didn’t help that Young Bae seems to want nothing to do with him. It was a rather simple song, but he didn’t want anything complicated. Just enough to at least let Young Bae know he was serious and that he should look at him in the light of a lover and not a friend.
Ji Yong hears the door click and glances at the time 4:30 am. Seems like Young Bae’s back.
He rushes out his room to greet him and grabs the CD he made for him too. Maybe this wont be the right time to give it to him but you never know. Besides, just talking to him would be wonderful.
“Young Bae” he calls out as he approaches the door. The hallway and the living room was dark and Ji Yong could barely make out Young Bae’s figure. Young Bae was already on his way to the stairs to his room but looks over at Ji Yong as he approaches.
“Oh, hi Ji Yong,” He seems tired but there was a perky feel in his voice. Ji Yong wonders where he had been, who he was with? He was eerily reminded of the last time him and Young Bae were in the living room area during this time of night, the night of that …incident with Hansol. And suddenly Ji Yong was worried, was Young Bae ok? And he rushes to turn on the light to get a better look at him.
“Ji Yong what?” Young Bae calls out. “Don’t turn on the light.”
But it was too late and the bright lights of the living room were turned on, momentarily blinding them both. When his eyes adjusted Ji Yong looks over and gasp. Young Bae’s dress shirt was mostly unbutton and his neck and chest was a mess of bruises.
Wait, no, Ji Yong thinks. Those aren’t bruises, they’re hickies.
Ji Young stares.
“What are those?” he asks, voice oddly controlled despite the rage and anger burning in his chest. WHO THE FUCK was touching Young Bae, kissing him, laying their underserving hands on him and probably fucking him. WHO THE FUCK! He could already feel his jaw clenching as well as his fist. It better not be Hansol, it better not.
“It’s none of your business,” Young Bae says and turns to go up the stairs and Ji Yong has had it. He could feel the anger and the pain that had been boiling for the past few weeks since he has been rejected, hell it has probably been burning for years and it was about to burst out.
“DON’T YOU TURN AWAY FROM ME,” he screams. He’s sure that by now that Seungri has been awaken and it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the members woke up too.
“Don’t you fucking turn away from me, Young Bae.” His voice is raw and torn and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt or acted like this before. The things Young Bae does to him, the emotions he calls out. It’s a deeper love and a greater pain than he has ever felt.
At the start of Ji Yong’s yelling Young Bae had stood stock still on the stairs but turned around to face him by the end of his tirade. He stood straight and proud as a statue and Ji Yong couldn’t help but point an accusing finger at him.
“I love you, I told you I loved you only 2 weeks ago and you spitted in my face,” Ji Yong could feel the tears flowing down his face, mixing with the snot dripping from his noses and he knows he looks a mess but doesn’t care. Young Bae seems on the verge of protesting but Ji Yong doesn’t let him get a word in.
“Fuck you, I love you. I fucking love you and you go around fucking every gay man that comes you way.” He screams at him, he has already heard Seungri’s bedroom door click open but doesn’t care, let them all hear him, let this whole fucking building hear him. “Everyone but me.”
“Ji Yong I…” Young Bae starts but Ji Yong doesn’t want to hear it. All he can see are those hickies, of another man, another set of hands touching what he so desperately wanted.
“What have I done that’s so bad?” He’s no longer yelling but quietly deploring Young Bae, accusing finger now resting at his side. “I said I’m sorry, I’ve begged and pleaded, what more can I do?”
“Ji please…” Young Bae takes a step towards him but Ji Yong can’t even see him, blinded by his tears.
“Why can’t you forgive me?” He chokes on his tears. “I’m sorry, I love you.”
He feels a pair of arms around him, fingers combing through his hair and he crumbles into Young Bae’s arms.
“I love you,” he continues to whisper.
“I know,” Young Bae whispers back.
Too many times
I've been wrong
I guess being right
Takes too long
I'm done waiting
There's nothing left to do
But give all I have to you and
I'd better find your lovin
I'd better find your heart
I'd better find your loving
I bet if I give all my love then nothings gonna tear us apart.
-Find Your Love by Drake
*sorry this took so long, I had all of this (and the rest of the chapters) outlined for a while and most of this chapter written several weeks ago. Sadly it's been midterms season and I've had barely any chance to finish up this chapter in the last couple of weeks. I'm on spring break right now so I should be able to have the next chapter out relatively soon.