Fierce at the Heart with Fire [Ch. 4]
Title: Fierce at the Heart with Fire
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and possibly rape.
I'm on my knees and burnin'
My piss and moans are the fuel that sets my head on fire
So smell my soul burn
Im broken lookin' up to see the enemy
And i have swallowed the poison you feed me
But i survive on the poison you feed me
Guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed
And it makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burnin'
Chapter 4: On My Knees and Burning
“Come on, can you stop being a little bitch about this?”
Young Bae is huddled against the door of Hansol’s car, as far away from him as possible. Honestly, he’s in shock and could barely breathe, could barely think.
“Young Bae, come on,” Hansol reaches out a hand and rubs his shoulder and Young Bae shuts his eye and tries to numb himself to it. I’m not here, this didn’t happen. I’m in my room and on my bed, safe, he tries to imagine himself there, far away from here, from this car, from Hansol.
“Look, if you hadn’t been such a little cocktease then I wouldn’t have had to do what I did,” Hansol says. Young Bae couldn’t believe he was trying to justify this - he’s taken a lot of bullshit from Hansol but this, what happened tonight, wasn't something he could take.
“It wasn’t my fault,” he whispers. He could barely talk, barely moved. His whole body hurts but it’s nothing compared to the ache in his soul. He could feel his tears running down his face, the ache from his nose which might just be broken and he doesn’t want to think about the rest of his body.
“What did you say?” Hansol sounded on the verge of becoming angry, Young Bae has become well aware of the signs. And he decides that right now it wasn’t worth it, he just wants to get home. He just wants to get away.
“Nothing,” he tries to slow down his tears, rubbing at his eyes. “Just take me home please.”
Hansol starts rubbing a hand down his back and Young Bae tries to keep the bile from rising in his throat. Please stop touching me, please stop touching me, please stop touching me he thinks to himself, not willing to put up with the fight that would insure if he said it out loud.
“You know I love you right,” Hansol goes on, his hand making a slow progression up and down Young Bae’s back, just rubbing in the aches and pains both physically and emotionally. “You’re so beautiful that it’s just hard to control myself sometimes.”
Young Bae is trying to block out Hansol’s voice, his message and everything he’s about. He wants out this car, away from this man but he can’t. Memories from the night play in his head - hand on his wrist, a heavy body on top of him, holding him down - Young Bae shakes his head, no I’m not going to think about this, I refuse to think about this.
“I made it good for you, didn’t I baby?” Hansol asks, his hand rubbing lower on his back. “You came didn’t you?”
Young Bae tried to hold in his whimper. No he didn’t like it, he hated it. He hated it even more when Hansol was able to get him hard despite his best effort. And he hated them both when he came.
“I knew you were a freak when I met you,” Hansol goes on with a laugh. “Bet you liked it rough, a little whips and chains for you, huh? My little freak, my dirty little freak.”
He laughs and Young Bae tries to pretend he wasn’t there.
--
Ji Yong can’t sleep tonight. Something is keeping him awake and he doesn’t know what it is. He’s lying on his bed just staring at the ceiling. He jumps a little as he hears the front door opening and some footsteps. So Young Bae was back, then. Maybe he might be able to talk to him today, try again to apologize, maybe grovel a little too.
He walks out his room and down the hall. There’s a dark shadow near the front door.
“Young Bae, is that you?” He calls out.
The figure freezes and before he knows it, he’s hearing the sound of crying and sobbing. Ji Yong is scared, he can count the number of times he’s seen Young Bae cry on one hand and here he is having a complete breakdown. Young Bae has his right hand stuffed in his mouth to muffle his sobs but Ji Yong is already in front of him, reaching out to hold him.
My God, Young Bae, what happened, Ji Yong wonders. Young Bae’s face is bruised and his clothing looks ragged -as if had gotten in a fight. There’s blood on his nose and cheek and the rest of him isn’t looks too good either.
“Young Bae,” Ji Yong could barely speak, his voice caught in his throat. He reaches out his hands to hold him, pick him up but Young Bae shifts like sand beneath his fingers.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!”
Ji Yong jumps violently back as Young Bae screams at him. Young Bae has his arms wrapped around himself and is huddled against the front door.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” The look in Young Bae’s eyes is something Ji Yong has never seen before. It’s like an animal, lost, scared and feral.
“Shhhhh,” He whispers. “You don’t want to wake the other, do you? Seungri is right next door?”
He points at Seungri’s door and Young Bae seems to come back to himself for a minute and shakes his head.
“Come with me. Come come” Ji Yong reaches out a hand hoping that Young Bae would take it. Honestly, he doesn’t know what the hell happened but he’s going to kill whoever is responsible for this. Fucking kill them.
“I can take care of myself,” Young Bae whispers, his voice is shaking. In fact, his whole body is trembling.
“I know. I know.” Ji Yong feels like he’s approaching a scared and beaten dog, reaching out for help but too scared and disheartened to take it. He steps closer, his hand still out until it grasp Young Bae’s hand.
“But you don’t have to,” He pulls Young Bae closer, towards his room. “I’ll take care of you, I’ll help you.”
Young Bae shuffles forward, eyes shifty as if he doesn’t trust him, doesn’t trust anyone. What the fuck happened, Ji Yong wonder. He was fine a few hours ago, what the fuck did Hansol do?
--
Ji Yong sits on Young Bae’s bed, waiting for him to get out of the shower. When they had gotten to Young Bae’s room that was the first thing Young Bae had demanded. He wanted a shower and Ji Yong wasn’t going to deny him.
If it wasn’t for the fact that he could tell that Young Bae was seriously messed up and needed him here, he would be out searching for Hansol and trying to kill him, jail be damn.
Young Bae had been in the shower for over 30minutes, Ji Yong felt like he should check on him, see how he was doing.
He gets up, goes to the bathroom door and knocks.
“Young Bae,” he calls out. “You ok in there?”
There was no response. Ji Yong had a bad feeling about this.
“Young Bae, man you hear me?”
No response. Ji Yong calls out 3 more times before he starts stressing and decides enough is enough and fuck privacy. The bathroom door’s lock was pretty simple, the type where you could use a simple Knife to open it up.
“Young Bae,” He calls out on more time. “I’m coming in.”
The one thing he notices when he opens the door is the heat. It’s ridiculously hot in that room, like a sauna.
He turns to where the shower was and quickly pushes back the curtain. He turns to look and his eyes tear up, oh God. The water was scalding and Young Bae was just sitting under it with his knees drawn to his chest and his arms wrapped them. His skin was bright red, not only from the water but it looks like he had been scrubbing the hell out of it too.
“Oh Young Bae.” Ji Yong quickly shuts off the water and Young Bae doesn’t move. He grabs some towels and wraps him in it and gently pulls him up into his arms. Even with his skin bright red, Ji Yong could make out the bruises on his body, on his back, his hips and arms. A few old but the majority of it new. Oh God, oh God, Young Bae was all Ji Yong could think.
“Come on, come on” he says as he gently pulls him out of the bathtub. Young Bae follows his directive but seems dead behind the eyes, his movement slow and robotic.
Ji Yong looks him in the eyes, his beautiful dark eyes that are usually full of life and love and warmth and tries to bring life back into them.
“Young Bae,” He tries again. And he see tears forming in Young Bae’s eyes and suddenly his arms are full of his naked sobbing best friend and he just holds him. Holds him close to his chest like his heart, cause that was what Young Bae was to him. He was his heart.
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,
my head down , my eyes closed,
and my throat wide open.
-Prison Sex and Bottom by Tool
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and possibly rape.
I'm on my knees and burnin'
My piss and moans are the fuel that sets my head on fire
So smell my soul burn
Im broken lookin' up to see the enemy
And i have swallowed the poison you feed me
But i survive on the poison you feed me
Guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed
And it makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burnin'
Chapter 4: On My Knees and Burning
“Come on, can you stop being a little bitch about this?”
Young Bae is huddled against the door of Hansol’s car, as far away from him as possible. Honestly, he’s in shock and could barely breathe, could barely think.
“Young Bae, come on,” Hansol reaches out a hand and rubs his shoulder and Young Bae shuts his eye and tries to numb himself to it. I’m not here, this didn’t happen. I’m in my room and on my bed, safe, he tries to imagine himself there, far away from here, from this car, from Hansol.
“Look, if you hadn’t been such a little cocktease then I wouldn’t have had to do what I did,” Hansol says. Young Bae couldn’t believe he was trying to justify this - he’s taken a lot of bullshit from Hansol but this, what happened tonight, wasn't something he could take.
“It wasn’t my fault,” he whispers. He could barely talk, barely moved. His whole body hurts but it’s nothing compared to the ache in his soul. He could feel his tears running down his face, the ache from his nose which might just be broken and he doesn’t want to think about the rest of his body.
“What did you say?” Hansol sounded on the verge of becoming angry, Young Bae has become well aware of the signs. And he decides that right now it wasn’t worth it, he just wants to get home. He just wants to get away.
“Nothing,” he tries to slow down his tears, rubbing at his eyes. “Just take me home please.”
Hansol starts rubbing a hand down his back and Young Bae tries to keep the bile from rising in his throat. Please stop touching me, please stop touching me, please stop touching me he thinks to himself, not willing to put up with the fight that would insure if he said it out loud.
“You know I love you right,” Hansol goes on, his hand making a slow progression up and down Young Bae’s back, just rubbing in the aches and pains both physically and emotionally. “You’re so beautiful that it’s just hard to control myself sometimes.”
Young Bae is trying to block out Hansol’s voice, his message and everything he’s about. He wants out this car, away from this man but he can’t. Memories from the night play in his head - hand on his wrist, a heavy body on top of him, holding him down - Young Bae shakes his head, no I’m not going to think about this, I refuse to think about this.
“I made it good for you, didn’t I baby?” Hansol asks, his hand rubbing lower on his back. “You came didn’t you?”
Young Bae tried to hold in his whimper. No he didn’t like it, he hated it. He hated it even more when Hansol was able to get him hard despite his best effort. And he hated them both when he came.
“I knew you were a freak when I met you,” Hansol goes on with a laugh. “Bet you liked it rough, a little whips and chains for you, huh? My little freak, my dirty little freak.”
He laughs and Young Bae tries to pretend he wasn’t there.
--
Ji Yong can’t sleep tonight. Something is keeping him awake and he doesn’t know what it is. He’s lying on his bed just staring at the ceiling. He jumps a little as he hears the front door opening and some footsteps. So Young Bae was back, then. Maybe he might be able to talk to him today, try again to apologize, maybe grovel a little too.
He walks out his room and down the hall. There’s a dark shadow near the front door.
“Young Bae, is that you?” He calls out.
The figure freezes and before he knows it, he’s hearing the sound of crying and sobbing. Ji Yong is scared, he can count the number of times he’s seen Young Bae cry on one hand and here he is having a complete breakdown. Young Bae has his right hand stuffed in his mouth to muffle his sobs but Ji Yong is already in front of him, reaching out to hold him.
My God, Young Bae, what happened, Ji Yong wonders. Young Bae’s face is bruised and his clothing looks ragged -as if had gotten in a fight. There’s blood on his nose and cheek and the rest of him isn’t looks too good either.
“Young Bae,” Ji Yong could barely speak, his voice caught in his throat. He reaches out his hands to hold him, pick him up but Young Bae shifts like sand beneath his fingers.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!”
Ji Yong jumps violently back as Young Bae screams at him. Young Bae has his arms wrapped around himself and is huddled against the front door.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” The look in Young Bae’s eyes is something Ji Yong has never seen before. It’s like an animal, lost, scared and feral.
“Shhhhh,” He whispers. “You don’t want to wake the other, do you? Seungri is right next door?”
He points at Seungri’s door and Young Bae seems to come back to himself for a minute and shakes his head.
“Come with me. Come come” Ji Yong reaches out a hand hoping that Young Bae would take it. Honestly, he doesn’t know what the hell happened but he’s going to kill whoever is responsible for this. Fucking kill them.
“I can take care of myself,” Young Bae whispers, his voice is shaking. In fact, his whole body is trembling.
“I know. I know.” Ji Yong feels like he’s approaching a scared and beaten dog, reaching out for help but too scared and disheartened to take it. He steps closer, his hand still out until it grasp Young Bae’s hand.
“But you don’t have to,” He pulls Young Bae closer, towards his room. “I’ll take care of you, I’ll help you.”
Young Bae shuffles forward, eyes shifty as if he doesn’t trust him, doesn’t trust anyone. What the fuck happened, Ji Yong wonder. He was fine a few hours ago, what the fuck did Hansol do?
--
Ji Yong sits on Young Bae’s bed, waiting for him to get out of the shower. When they had gotten to Young Bae’s room that was the first thing Young Bae had demanded. He wanted a shower and Ji Yong wasn’t going to deny him.
If it wasn’t for the fact that he could tell that Young Bae was seriously messed up and needed him here, he would be out searching for Hansol and trying to kill him, jail be damn.
Young Bae had been in the shower for over 30minutes, Ji Yong felt like he should check on him, see how he was doing.
He gets up, goes to the bathroom door and knocks.
“Young Bae,” he calls out. “You ok in there?”
There was no response. Ji Yong had a bad feeling about this.
“Young Bae, man you hear me?”
No response. Ji Yong calls out 3 more times before he starts stressing and decides enough is enough and fuck privacy. The bathroom door’s lock was pretty simple, the type where you could use a simple Knife to open it up.
“Young Bae,” He calls out on more time. “I’m coming in.”
The one thing he notices when he opens the door is the heat. It’s ridiculously hot in that room, like a sauna.
He turns to where the shower was and quickly pushes back the curtain. He turns to look and his eyes tear up, oh God. The water was scalding and Young Bae was just sitting under it with his knees drawn to his chest and his arms wrapped them. His skin was bright red, not only from the water but it looks like he had been scrubbing the hell out of it too.
“Oh Young Bae.” Ji Yong quickly shuts off the water and Young Bae doesn’t move. He grabs some towels and wraps him in it and gently pulls him up into his arms. Even with his skin bright red, Ji Yong could make out the bruises on his body, on his back, his hips and arms. A few old but the majority of it new. Oh God, oh God, Young Bae was all Ji Yong could think.
“Come on, come on” he says as he gently pulls him out of the bathtub. Young Bae follows his directive but seems dead behind the eyes, his movement slow and robotic.
Ji Yong looks him in the eyes, his beautiful dark eyes that are usually full of life and love and warmth and tries to bring life back into them.
“Young Bae,” He tries again. And he see tears forming in Young Bae’s eyes and suddenly his arms are full of his naked sobbing best friend and he just holds him. Holds him close to his chest like his heart, cause that was what Young Bae was to him. He was his heart.
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,
my head down , my eyes closed,
and my throat wide open.
-Prison Sex and Bottom by Tool