Fierce at the Heart with Fire [Ch. 3]
Title: Fierce at the Heart with Fire
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and possibly rape.
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers
Between supposed brothers
Chapter 3: Schism
He must be a freak, that’s the only explanation for this.
Ji Yong is standing outside of Young Bae’s door listening to his gay best friend have sex with his asshole boyfriend.
He seriously didn’t know what he was doing here. He had been sitting on the couch in the living room when Young Bae had walked in hand in hand with Hansol. They were happy and giggly and had looked like two love sick teenagers. It’s been a month since they had gotten back together and it seems like Young Bae and Hansol were enjoying the honeymoon period where they could barely keep their hands to themselves and were all ‘in love’. Ji Yong hated it. He hated it because he knew it was only a matter of time before Hansol showed his true colors and everything went to shit. Again.
“shhhh, be quiet,” He heard Hansol say. “You’re too loud.” Some giggling and moaning followed, along with more shhhhs.
Ji Yong had come to learn that Young Bae was surprisingly vocal during sex. Since Young Bae was such a controlled individual, he had expected him to be equally controlled in bed but it seems to be the opposite. The way Young Bae would moan and sigh and even giggle, it was something special Ji Yong decides.
The door is cold against his ears as listens, he closes his eye trying to imagine. He doesn’t know why he’s standing there picturing his best friend having sex with his dick hard. He’s tempted to touch himself but jerking off to his best friend having sex isn’t something he could justify to himself. Thankfully, Hansol is pretty silent during sex. He doesn't know why he’s thankful. This is seriously fucked up.
He had told himself he was coming up here to check on Young Bae, to make sure Hansol wasn’t being a violent douche again. But he knew that wasn’t the truth, he had an inkling of why he was here. The reason was something he’s been running from for a while, since Young Bae had come out to him.
I have a girlfriend, Ji Yong reminds himself. That doesn’t stop his hand from reaching down and unbuckling his pants, doesn't stop them from wrapping around his length, doesn’t stop himself from jerking off as listens to Young Bae’s moans and gasps. Even the occasional groan from Hansol doesn’t bother him.
The door is now hard against his back and he is gasping. If only he could …just a little more…he’s biting his lips and there’s a clear picture in his head. He doesn’t want to think it, he shouldn’t think it but he can’t help it. Young Bae’s face comes into his mind and he almost bites his tongue as he cums all over his hands.
He opens up his eyes only to see Daesung staring at him in shock, mouth open.
“What are you doing?” Daesung looks from his face, to the hand in his pants and the cum slowly staining his pants, then to Young Bae’s door and the faint moans coming from it. And then he back to looking at Ji Yong’s face and just stares.
Well this is embarrassing, how can he explain this? It is what it is. So he doesn’t and just keeps his head down and refuses to look Daesung in the eyes. He pulls his pants back up, doesn’t even bother buckling his belt and heads down the stairs to his room, making sure to keep his eyes firmly on the ground. He could feel Daesung’s eyes on him the whole time.
--
In his room later, he’s lying on his bed still trying to come to terms with what he’s done, what it means. God, this was such a problem. He wasn’t gay! There was a whole slew of women who he has fucked that can prove that, he even has a gorgeous model girlfriend who he makes love to as often as he could so obviously he wasn’t gay.
This thing, this infatuation with Young Bae is just a symptom of finding out that Young Bae was gay, that’s all. He couldn’t possibly be gay, not him.
He looks over at his desk, on the table is a photo of him and Young Bae from when they were younger, 14 he the thinks. He has his arm around Young Bae’s shoulder and they’re smiling at the camera. They looked happy. It’s been a while since Young Bae has been happy with him. And he knows why.
He remembers seven months ago when Young Bae told him he was gay. By that time he knew something was up, especially considering his suddenly close relationship with Hansol.
~~flashback~~
“Hey Ji Yong, can we talk for a minute”
Young Bae was standing at the door to his room, giving Ji Yong a shy and nervous smile. Ji Yong was very curious at what he had to say, Young Bae had been acting secretive and strange all month, barely in the apartment, strange hickey-like marks on his neck. He really wants to know what was going on with him. He suspects that Young Bae finally got himself a girl and was just too shy to say anything. He’s actually very excited, who was she?
So of course he told Young Bae an excited “Yes, sure” and even pats the space next to him for him to sit down. Was it one of the dancers? Dara, maybe?
“So what’s going on man?” He gives Young Bae a smile, which strangely wasn’t returned. He doesn’t know what was up with him, seriously he wouldn’t be mad or anything if he got a girl. Everyone wants him to finally get a girlfriend.
“Umm, you must have noticed that things have been a little strange with me lately?” Young Bae asks. He looked very troubled and his smile was forced. Ji Yong suddenly wonders if maybe this had nothing to do with a girl. Was Young Bae sick or something?
“Yeah”
“There’s something I never told you Ji…”Young Bae pauses and looks at him, tears in his eyes. “I’ve always wanted to tell you, really but I …I just..” he struggles with his words.
“What Young Bae, you know you can tell me anything.” He reaches out and gives Young Bae’s arm a squeeze. He doesn’t know what he’s stressing about. What could this be about anyway?
Young Bae smiles at him, a tight strained smile, and closes his eyes.
“I’m gay,” he whispers. “I’m …I’m gay, Ji. I …I..”
Young Bae turns to look at him and Ji Yong doesn’t know what to say. Young Bae was gay? Like wanting to fuck men gay? Ji Yong couldn’t wrap him mind around it. No, this, this just wasn’t happening.
“Ji, are you ok,” Young Bae asks him, reaching out a hand to touch his arm. “I know I should have said something earlier but I …”
“You’re gay?” Ji Yong turns to look at him, brushing his arm off his shoulder. All those memories of sleeping in the same bed, those looks Young Bae use to give him, those smiles and the touches. Young Bae was gay? No. No he wasn’t.
“Yes Ji,” Young Bae looks at him and Ji Yong doesn’t know what to say. His mind is confused. Young Bae reaches out to touch him again, to calm him and he finds himself pushing him away.
Young Bae stares at him, confused and hurt.
“Ji, this doesn’t change anything,” he says. But Ji Yong has to disagree; this changes a lot of things. Before he knows it, he’s walking out, out his room, out the front door and Young Bae is shouting behind him the whole time.
“Ji Yong come back, please come back.” Young Bae sounds sad and desperate and part of him wanted to run back and say that he was being stupid but his feet seem to be carrying him away. Something about Young Bae being gay was freaking him out and he doesn’t know why but he had to get away.
“I’m sorry, Ji Yong… please…I”
He starts running faster, before he hears anymore.
~~flashback ends~~
Ji Yong knew his reaction was stupid. He knew it when he was running, he knew it when he came back and stood outside of Young Bae’s door for 2 hours listening to him cry, he knew it was stupid the next day when Young Bae wasn’t talking to him and he had nothing to say either, he knew it when the distance between them grew and he had to learn about the ongoings in Young Bae’s life secondhand from their band members.
But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, first because something about Young Bae being gay repulsed him (despite knowing several gay people which didn’t make sense) and then because he knew he was stupid and didn’t know how to apologize. And by the time he grew big enough balls to try to apologize, well it was a little too late. The Young Bae he knew had changed into someone who was a little bitterer, a little angrier and a lot less forgiving.
I know the pieces fit cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication
-Schism by Tool
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and possibly rape.
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers
Between supposed brothers
Chapter 3: Schism
He must be a freak, that’s the only explanation for this.
Ji Yong is standing outside of Young Bae’s door listening to his gay best friend have sex with his asshole boyfriend.
He seriously didn’t know what he was doing here. He had been sitting on the couch in the living room when Young Bae had walked in hand in hand with Hansol. They were happy and giggly and had looked like two love sick teenagers. It’s been a month since they had gotten back together and it seems like Young Bae and Hansol were enjoying the honeymoon period where they could barely keep their hands to themselves and were all ‘in love’. Ji Yong hated it. He hated it because he knew it was only a matter of time before Hansol showed his true colors and everything went to shit. Again.
“shhhh, be quiet,” He heard Hansol say. “You’re too loud.” Some giggling and moaning followed, along with more shhhhs.
Ji Yong had come to learn that Young Bae was surprisingly vocal during sex. Since Young Bae was such a controlled individual, he had expected him to be equally controlled in bed but it seems to be the opposite. The way Young Bae would moan and sigh and even giggle, it was something special Ji Yong decides.
The door is cold against his ears as listens, he closes his eye trying to imagine. He doesn’t know why he’s standing there picturing his best friend having sex with his dick hard. He’s tempted to touch himself but jerking off to his best friend having sex isn’t something he could justify to himself. Thankfully, Hansol is pretty silent during sex. He doesn't know why he’s thankful. This is seriously fucked up.
He had told himself he was coming up here to check on Young Bae, to make sure Hansol wasn’t being a violent douche again. But he knew that wasn’t the truth, he had an inkling of why he was here. The reason was something he’s been running from for a while, since Young Bae had come out to him.
I have a girlfriend, Ji Yong reminds himself. That doesn’t stop his hand from reaching down and unbuckling his pants, doesn't stop them from wrapping around his length, doesn’t stop himself from jerking off as listens to Young Bae’s moans and gasps. Even the occasional groan from Hansol doesn’t bother him.
The door is now hard against his back and he is gasping. If only he could …just a little more…he’s biting his lips and there’s a clear picture in his head. He doesn’t want to think it, he shouldn’t think it but he can’t help it. Young Bae’s face comes into his mind and he almost bites his tongue as he cums all over his hands.
He opens up his eyes only to see Daesung staring at him in shock, mouth open.
“What are you doing?” Daesung looks from his face, to the hand in his pants and the cum slowly staining his pants, then to Young Bae’s door and the faint moans coming from it. And then he back to looking at Ji Yong’s face and just stares.
Well this is embarrassing, how can he explain this? It is what it is. So he doesn’t and just keeps his head down and refuses to look Daesung in the eyes. He pulls his pants back up, doesn’t even bother buckling his belt and heads down the stairs to his room, making sure to keep his eyes firmly on the ground. He could feel Daesung’s eyes on him the whole time.
--
In his room later, he’s lying on his bed still trying to come to terms with what he’s done, what it means. God, this was such a problem. He wasn’t gay! There was a whole slew of women who he has fucked that can prove that, he even has a gorgeous model girlfriend who he makes love to as often as he could so obviously he wasn’t gay.
This thing, this infatuation with Young Bae is just a symptom of finding out that Young Bae was gay, that’s all. He couldn’t possibly be gay, not him.
He looks over at his desk, on the table is a photo of him and Young Bae from when they were younger, 14 he the thinks. He has his arm around Young Bae’s shoulder and they’re smiling at the camera. They looked happy. It’s been a while since Young Bae has been happy with him. And he knows why.
He remembers seven months ago when Young Bae told him he was gay. By that time he knew something was up, especially considering his suddenly close relationship with Hansol.
~~flashback~~
“Hey Ji Yong, can we talk for a minute”
Young Bae was standing at the door to his room, giving Ji Yong a shy and nervous smile. Ji Yong was very curious at what he had to say, Young Bae had been acting secretive and strange all month, barely in the apartment, strange hickey-like marks on his neck. He really wants to know what was going on with him. He suspects that Young Bae finally got himself a girl and was just too shy to say anything. He’s actually very excited, who was she?
So of course he told Young Bae an excited “Yes, sure” and even pats the space next to him for him to sit down. Was it one of the dancers? Dara, maybe?
“So what’s going on man?” He gives Young Bae a smile, which strangely wasn’t returned. He doesn’t know what was up with him, seriously he wouldn’t be mad or anything if he got a girl. Everyone wants him to finally get a girlfriend.
“Umm, you must have noticed that things have been a little strange with me lately?” Young Bae asks. He looked very troubled and his smile was forced. Ji Yong suddenly wonders if maybe this had nothing to do with a girl. Was Young Bae sick or something?
“Yeah”
“There’s something I never told you Ji…”Young Bae pauses and looks at him, tears in his eyes. “I’ve always wanted to tell you, really but I …I just..” he struggles with his words.
“What Young Bae, you know you can tell me anything.” He reaches out and gives Young Bae’s arm a squeeze. He doesn’t know what he’s stressing about. What could this be about anyway?
Young Bae smiles at him, a tight strained smile, and closes his eyes.
“I’m gay,” he whispers. “I’m …I’m gay, Ji. I …I..”
Young Bae turns to look at him and Ji Yong doesn’t know what to say. Young Bae was gay? Like wanting to fuck men gay? Ji Yong couldn’t wrap him mind around it. No, this, this just wasn’t happening.
“Ji, are you ok,” Young Bae asks him, reaching out a hand to touch his arm. “I know I should have said something earlier but I …”
“You’re gay?” Ji Yong turns to look at him, brushing his arm off his shoulder. All those memories of sleeping in the same bed, those looks Young Bae use to give him, those smiles and the touches. Young Bae was gay? No. No he wasn’t.
“Yes Ji,” Young Bae looks at him and Ji Yong doesn’t know what to say. His mind is confused. Young Bae reaches out to touch him again, to calm him and he finds himself pushing him away.
Young Bae stares at him, confused and hurt.
“Ji, this doesn’t change anything,” he says. But Ji Yong has to disagree; this changes a lot of things. Before he knows it, he’s walking out, out his room, out the front door and Young Bae is shouting behind him the whole time.
“Ji Yong come back, please come back.” Young Bae sounds sad and desperate and part of him wanted to run back and say that he was being stupid but his feet seem to be carrying him away. Something about Young Bae being gay was freaking him out and he doesn’t know why but he had to get away.
“I’m sorry, Ji Yong… please…I”
He starts running faster, before he hears anymore.
~~flashback ends~~
Ji Yong knew his reaction was stupid. He knew it when he was running, he knew it when he came back and stood outside of Young Bae’s door for 2 hours listening to him cry, he knew it was stupid the next day when Young Bae wasn’t talking to him and he had nothing to say either, he knew it when the distance between them grew and he had to learn about the ongoings in Young Bae’s life secondhand from their band members.
But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, first because something about Young Bae being gay repulsed him (despite knowing several gay people which didn’t make sense) and then because he knew he was stupid and didn’t know how to apologize. And by the time he grew big enough balls to try to apologize, well it was a little too late. The Young Bae he knew had changed into someone who was a little bitterer, a little angrier and a lot less forgiving.
I know the pieces fit cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication
-Schism by Tool