Reopened wounds
The past few weeks I have been really out of sorts. I had some energy work done that felt really good at the time but I have been sort of toxic ever since. Plans have fallen apart and I am dwelling in this pessimisitic attitude because sometimes people just really suck. I have been pondering the whole process of what experience does to a person. How it makes them scared, or more mature, or wiser, or a fucking mess. I must be somewhere between scared and wiser. I think that some of the actions I am most proud of which I have done in my life are not ones which I can fully take the credit for. It seems that my body has taken charge and left my mind in bewilderment of the forgiveness I have had for those who betrayed me and the compassion I had for those who repeated their foolish mistakes. What brings me to meditate on this subject is a would on the big toe of my right foot. It started out as a small and innocently inflicted scratch from Randal's sharp toenail. Since then it has progressed to an unhealing pit of a wound which throbs endlessly. Every time it starts to heal, I accidentally reopen it by scraping it against a piece of furniture or letting the scab remain wet too long. Gross I know. But the point is that eventually this would will heal, even if it reopens many times along the way and becomes worse before it gets better. There will come a day when my toe is no longer tender from this cut and who knows, there might not even be a scar after it heals. I probably would never even remember the injury lest I had not written this current entry. The analogy is that the past few days has reopened wounds in my mind and I gratefully find that with the passage of time, they hurt less and less. I can only hope that should my toe or mind scar over, it will be solely with the purpose to remind me that all will heal. This too will pass.