Venting and a question (with triggers)
I was doing really well for about 2 months, and now it's all starting to fall apart again.
I used to head off for parts unknown when I got agitated. I just get in the car and drive. Sometimes I have a vague idea of where I'll end up, sometimes I'll convince myself to turn around and go back, but it's hard. I've started doing this again. I've taken three trips in the past week. Last night I ended up at Mohegan Sun (I do live in CT, so it's about an hour's drive) after I got out of an 8 o'clock class and SHOULD have been home studying. But instead I stared at my garage door and thought of suicide until I just started driving.
Also, I "broke up" with my boyfriend of three years in part because I don't want him going through the hell I've put him through before AGAIN. I'm tired of it. There's more to it, but it's depressing that mental health even has to be a part of the decision.
I think about suicide a LOT -to the point that I don't always feel safe- but I've never really attempted it. I'm afraid of failing, and causing massive problems for my family, so (so far) I've always thought my way out of it. But the impulse/thought occurs a LOT. especially lately. Any thoughts? I mean, is it "normal" to think about this so much?
Thanks.
I used to head off for parts unknown when I got agitated. I just get in the car and drive. Sometimes I have a vague idea of where I'll end up, sometimes I'll convince myself to turn around and go back, but it's hard. I've started doing this again. I've taken three trips in the past week. Last night I ended up at Mohegan Sun (I do live in CT, so it's about an hour's drive) after I got out of an 8 o'clock class and SHOULD have been home studying. But instead I stared at my garage door and thought of suicide until I just started driving.
Also, I "broke up" with my boyfriend of three years in part because I don't want him going through the hell I've put him through before AGAIN. I'm tired of it. There's more to it, but it's depressing that mental health even has to be a part of the decision.
I think about suicide a LOT -to the point that I don't always feel safe- but I've never really attempted it. I'm afraid of failing, and causing massive problems for my family, so (so far) I've always thought my way out of it. But the impulse/thought occurs a LOT. especially lately. Any thoughts? I mean, is it "normal" to think about this so much?
Thanks.