(no subject)
i just got prescribed risperdal.
one side affect is weight gain.
if i gain weight i will kill myself.
i'm not taking it.
i have had an eating disorder for years (i'm healthier now, i'm most anorexic when i am most manic).
i'm freaking out.
i'm manic right now, but i don't know how long it will last, and i am not taking anything that will make me gain weight.
i'm 5'4 and 119lbs fully dressed with jackets on and i already want to cry because i feel so fat,
this is the highest weight i've been in a while, i'm already not okay with this.
if i gain weight i will kill myself.
if i don't take this i will be suicidal.
HELP. PLEASE.
also i've been taken off adderall. so this crap is all i have between feeling okay and being completely out of control.
out of control. anyone who's had anorexia knows how important control is. it looks like either way, i'm fucked.
either i control my mind, or i control my body.
i am really freaking out. someone please help me.
please.
thank you.