Long time no post.
Well surprise, surprise, I went a really long time without posting. I wish I could say that I won’t do it again but I can’t. I have such grand ideas of regular posts and I just can’t seem to take the time to write a nice post. I can’t even seem to bother to post a short one. So why am I bothering now? Easy. Because I’m avoiding work. Ahh, you say, she’s exhibiting a classic behaviour, especially for a student. But I’m worried that my recent work avoidance is more serious.
Last semester (and frankly, every semester before that) was really tiring. I had my PhD comprehensive exam in October and while I passed, it’s like it drained the last bit of oomph I had for my work. I made it through November alright because we had reached sort of an exciting place in my project and I thought I’d reached a milestone. But then the minor tweaks turned into two months of improvements and I won’t know if I finally succeeded until Thursday when I actually get to run someone. I started to crash in December but I attributed it to looking forward to Christmas vacation (which I was). But then my “vacation” turned into me running errands for everyone for over a week and then I got trapped in some really draining family drama for several days. So I got only a couple of actual vacation days.
I’m starting to get really concerned because I just cannot make myself do anything that I have not been told specifically to do by a certain date. I’m looking forward to my classes as they should be quite interesting. I should be able to manage to do the homework as it’s assigned. I can even do my TAing and marking. Although it should be noted that I’ll probably procrastinate quite a bit in both homework and marking. It’s my research that I worry that I just can’t do. I’m all caught up in several e-mails in an effort to avoid doing work. I can’t manage to read any of the papers I have to read and I definitely can’t make myself do any of the work that I should be doing in preparing for the next stage of my project. On top of that, I’m lethargic and can’t seem to string together coherent thoughts so when they ask me my opinion on stuff, I’m totally worthless.
I also feel like I have all of this wedding stuff looming and there’s all this stuff that I have to take care of to have the wedding I want. This month it’s invitations, cars, registry stuff, bridesmaids dresses and hotel bookings. I really feel like I’m going under fast. I’m depressed and tired all of the time. I spent the weekend not doing much and then felt bad that I did, because it didn’t even feel like the good type of rest. I’m really burnt out and I’m not sure what to do.
Last semester (and frankly, every semester before that) was really tiring. I had my PhD comprehensive exam in October and while I passed, it’s like it drained the last bit of oomph I had for my work. I made it through November alright because we had reached sort of an exciting place in my project and I thought I’d reached a milestone. But then the minor tweaks turned into two months of improvements and I won’t know if I finally succeeded until Thursday when I actually get to run someone. I started to crash in December but I attributed it to looking forward to Christmas vacation (which I was). But then my “vacation” turned into me running errands for everyone for over a week and then I got trapped in some really draining family drama for several days. So I got only a couple of actual vacation days.
I’m starting to get really concerned because I just cannot make myself do anything that I have not been told specifically to do by a certain date. I’m looking forward to my classes as they should be quite interesting. I should be able to manage to do the homework as it’s assigned. I can even do my TAing and marking. Although it should be noted that I’ll probably procrastinate quite a bit in both homework and marking. It’s my research that I worry that I just can’t do. I’m all caught up in several e-mails in an effort to avoid doing work. I can’t manage to read any of the papers I have to read and I definitely can’t make myself do any of the work that I should be doing in preparing for the next stage of my project. On top of that, I’m lethargic and can’t seem to string together coherent thoughts so when they ask me my opinion on stuff, I’m totally worthless.
I also feel like I have all of this wedding stuff looming and there’s all this stuff that I have to take care of to have the wedding I want. This month it’s invitations, cars, registry stuff, bridesmaids dresses and hotel bookings. I really feel like I’m going under fast. I’m depressed and tired all of the time. I spent the weekend not doing much and then felt bad that I did, because it didn’t even feel like the good type of rest. I’m really burnt out and I’m not sure what to do.