Light My Fire
We watched a few garden tour videos last night, which made me feel even more guilty about the wasted day yesterday. Part of the issue is also just the amount of things we have in our minds to do outside. It is so much that it is overwhelming. We conquered this issue briefly last year by being laser focused on one specific project (planting the yews and hollies along the fence line). We felt greatly accomplished, though that motivation petered out once the heat of summer really kicked in.
It's not much of an excuse, but once summer kicks in in the Midwest it can be miserable to be outside. There's rarely a pleasant transition period between winter and early spring and then summer. It seems every year it just goes from the 50s and chilly to the 90s and humid in the blink of an eye.
One of the things that has hindered some of the projects is my detest for lawn care. Specifically weed-whacking. I hate edging and cleaning up borders. I want something flat and simple that I can just mow right along the edge of an be done with it. I hate the braindead suburban mentality of keeping a meticulous lawn. Ours is full of weeds and wildflowers and all sorts of things that would give some suburbanites a heart attack. It's nice when it's trimmed, but I refuse to be a slave to the lawn. And many of our projects will eventually eliminate huge portions of it. The issue has always been, how to border the beds.
We have a ton of cobblestone around the property, which would make an okay border except for the fact it'd require weed-whacking. I've tried other methods, like digging in trenches, but over time it seems the mulch breaks down and you just get grass and weeds popping up. Yes, I am sure maintenance would prevent that but we can be very lazy and such things would likely be brushed off. At least with the cobblestones, we could put them in place, start laying down cardboard and mulching to kill grass and then start planting. It'd be a hell of a lot easier than digging trenches or laying landscape bricks. It doesn't even have to be permanent. But at least something would be getting done.
The weather is often an excuse too. Especially when it very coincidentally and conveniently always seems to be shitty on the weekends, and sunny and beautiful during the work week. We had big ideas about getting stuff started early this year since the weather had been so mild, but it was always raining and cold on the weekends, or we had other obligations. More excuses I suppose.
It also makes me feel old, because ten years ago I would have had the motivation. Hell, fifteen years ago I was always outside cleaning up and planting around my apartment. Now I have what I always wanted here and I feel stuck. I know how good it feels to get something done, but it's just so hard motivating myself. And looking ahead, it seems like every weekend the next few weeks our time is going to be taken up. And not that I don't want to do some of these things we have to do, but we have so little time for ourselves on the weekends. Days like yesterday, when we choose to waste that time because we are hungover just makes me so mad at myself.
The project along the fence line is so basic. We have a pile of logs from an oak tree the previous owner had cut down right before we moved in. Those logs are going to be the border that runs along the property line bed towards the road. At the stump that was said oak tree, going toward the back there's a stack of cobblestones I put in place as the border in front of the yews. The plan is to build a bed out from that border some ten or twelve feet for planting. This new bed will eventually curve in and meet the logs as it goes towards the road. It's so simple. Define the border, lay down the cardboard, put mulch on top of it. It couldn't be more simple.
Yet, it's not getting down.
This project specifically is one that needs to be done first because we are planting a lot of tall shrubs and potentially some trees and those are the things you want to start growing now, since they will take many years to gain height. There are definitely spots on the hill in back too we want to get some trees planted. Some understory ones, or young ones that will eventually replace the oaks if and when they die. I know I get caught up in all this and just feel instantly overwhelmed because of the scale of what we want to do. So nothing gets done.
It's all a mental circus as old as time for me. The only time I ever really get motivated to accomplish things is when there's a clear deadline. I act this same way at work too. How many server projects have I had hanging out there for two years or more that still aren't done. It's just an issue with my brain I guess. Doesn't matter if we are talking about computers or hydrangea bushes.
I'd like to say I am going to take a break from drinking, but we are already going out next Saturday to have lunch with the Sicilian. So, even if I don't drink heavily, the entire day is lost for that. Not that I don't want to see him, but again we have only two days on the weekend to ever do anything and now one is gone.
One would think that the healthier eating we've been trying to do, the influx of nutrients from the juicing, my cutting out a large portion of my sugar intake, would all add up to more energy and motivation. But, for whatever reason that hasn't happened. Which means there's some other change still that needs to be made. What is it?
Perhaps simply BEING active is the missing part. Once you start moving, your body will get used to the activity and want more. Being active breeds more activity. We need to find that spark. It's just so damned hard when we both despise work and it sucks the life out of us daily. I mean, my job isn't even that bad and I feel that way. I can only remember my past horrible jobs to know what the Sparrow is feeling.
Again, who the hell would be bored winning the lottery and never working a job another day in their life, or just having the funds to retire in general. Only boring people would be bored in that scenario.
It's not much of an excuse, but once summer kicks in in the Midwest it can be miserable to be outside. There's rarely a pleasant transition period between winter and early spring and then summer. It seems every year it just goes from the 50s and chilly to the 90s and humid in the blink of an eye.
One of the things that has hindered some of the projects is my detest for lawn care. Specifically weed-whacking. I hate edging and cleaning up borders. I want something flat and simple that I can just mow right along the edge of an be done with it. I hate the braindead suburban mentality of keeping a meticulous lawn. Ours is full of weeds and wildflowers and all sorts of things that would give some suburbanites a heart attack. It's nice when it's trimmed, but I refuse to be a slave to the lawn. And many of our projects will eventually eliminate huge portions of it. The issue has always been, how to border the beds.
We have a ton of cobblestone around the property, which would make an okay border except for the fact it'd require weed-whacking. I've tried other methods, like digging in trenches, but over time it seems the mulch breaks down and you just get grass and weeds popping up. Yes, I am sure maintenance would prevent that but we can be very lazy and such things would likely be brushed off. At least with the cobblestones, we could put them in place, start laying down cardboard and mulching to kill grass and then start planting. It'd be a hell of a lot easier than digging trenches or laying landscape bricks. It doesn't even have to be permanent. But at least something would be getting done.
The weather is often an excuse too. Especially when it very coincidentally and conveniently always seems to be shitty on the weekends, and sunny and beautiful during the work week. We had big ideas about getting stuff started early this year since the weather had been so mild, but it was always raining and cold on the weekends, or we had other obligations. More excuses I suppose.
It also makes me feel old, because ten years ago I would have had the motivation. Hell, fifteen years ago I was always outside cleaning up and planting around my apartment. Now I have what I always wanted here and I feel stuck. I know how good it feels to get something done, but it's just so hard motivating myself. And looking ahead, it seems like every weekend the next few weeks our time is going to be taken up. And not that I don't want to do some of these things we have to do, but we have so little time for ourselves on the weekends. Days like yesterday, when we choose to waste that time because we are hungover just makes me so mad at myself.
The project along the fence line is so basic. We have a pile of logs from an oak tree the previous owner had cut down right before we moved in. Those logs are going to be the border that runs along the property line bed towards the road. At the stump that was said oak tree, going toward the back there's a stack of cobblestones I put in place as the border in front of the yews. The plan is to build a bed out from that border some ten or twelve feet for planting. This new bed will eventually curve in and meet the logs as it goes towards the road. It's so simple. Define the border, lay down the cardboard, put mulch on top of it. It couldn't be more simple.
Yet, it's not getting down.
This project specifically is one that needs to be done first because we are planting a lot of tall shrubs and potentially some trees and those are the things you want to start growing now, since they will take many years to gain height. There are definitely spots on the hill in back too we want to get some trees planted. Some understory ones, or young ones that will eventually replace the oaks if and when they die. I know I get caught up in all this and just feel instantly overwhelmed because of the scale of what we want to do. So nothing gets done.
It's all a mental circus as old as time for me. The only time I ever really get motivated to accomplish things is when there's a clear deadline. I act this same way at work too. How many server projects have I had hanging out there for two years or more that still aren't done. It's just an issue with my brain I guess. Doesn't matter if we are talking about computers or hydrangea bushes.
I'd like to say I am going to take a break from drinking, but we are already going out next Saturday to have lunch with the Sicilian. So, even if I don't drink heavily, the entire day is lost for that. Not that I don't want to see him, but again we have only two days on the weekend to ever do anything and now one is gone.
One would think that the healthier eating we've been trying to do, the influx of nutrients from the juicing, my cutting out a large portion of my sugar intake, would all add up to more energy and motivation. But, for whatever reason that hasn't happened. Which means there's some other change still that needs to be made. What is it?
Perhaps simply BEING active is the missing part. Once you start moving, your body will get used to the activity and want more. Being active breeds more activity. We need to find that spark. It's just so damned hard when we both despise work and it sucks the life out of us daily. I mean, my job isn't even that bad and I feel that way. I can only remember my past horrible jobs to know what the Sparrow is feeling.
Again, who the hell would be bored winning the lottery and never working a job another day in their life, or just having the funds to retire in general. Only boring people would be bored in that scenario.