Flags Of Our Fathers

Feb 22, 2024 07:33

There's a massive cell outage this morning. Looks like AT&T is down. Potentially also Verizon and T-Mobile. In the old days sometimes things just went down, but in "current year" this stirs up cries of cyberattacks and World War III.

I will say a very bizarre storm came through here last night. The thunder did not sound like thunder. Instead of a rolling rumble, it was more like gunshots... a thump-thump-thump sort of sound. Now I know thunder, and living out here I know gunshots now too as our neighbors all around are constantly practicing their shooting. This was definitely thunder, but the most bizarre kind I ever heard.

I got up around 11:30 to get a drink and just happened to be looking out the back window right when the most bizarre light illuminated the sky. Since it was storming, the assumption would be what I saw was lightning, but it just didn't look like that to me. Over the trees, off in the distance where the local bar would be situated I saw a brilliant flash of light. But, it was not lightning coming down from the sky.

This light emerged from some central point on what seemed the ground behind those trees a mile or so away. It erupted into a semi circle, almost like an explosion but it was bright, white light. It is possible it could have been a set of very bright LED headlights, but they would have had to have been the brightest headlights on any vehicle ever. This light flash was vivid white, lasting for only a few seconds. I did not see another like it after that.

Last night was rough. My attempts at mind over matter with this sciatica would have gone over better if I hadn't had pizza for dinner. The sauce killed my stomach all night, so that I couldn't lay flat on it (which is the most comfortable position when the sciatica flares up). So I was left to lay on my back, propped up, otherwise the acid reflux would have shot straight up my throat if I was laying on my back flat.

Then comes the cats, who have been acting crazy the past 24 hours. Usually when the weather turns I've observed throughout the years that the cats always have this burst of energy. Yesterday was no different as the temp outside was near 60. They were running around all day, causing trouble, constantly needing my attention. Especially Apollo, who insisted on being on my lap over half the day. This continued on into the night and he was laying between my legs in places that put pressure on my hips, or made the position I was stuck laying in uncomfortable.

Then Lucille came and went under the sheets to my left, so I couldn't adjust in that direction at all and was literally hanging off the edge of the bed. Then Neelix comes along and lays on my legs to put even more pressure on them. By 2 A.M. I could not take it anymore and moved to the couch, where Apollo followed and insisted on laying on my stomach, which was still churning and bubbling from the pizza. It was a brutal, restless night and I am very anti-cat this morning.

Yesterday I started working on an inventory of all the DVDs and Blurays I have. I used to have a pretty good idea what I owned, but first this friend of a neighbor across the street at my old house gave me all her husbands DVDs after they didn't sell at a garage sale. Then when my dad passed, my mother was quick to have us (my sister and I) divide up his collection so that she could "clean out" the house.

I already had several boxes of movies, and these additions just made it worse. Not that I am complaining, because I am really coming to like having physical media. The compression rates on a lot of the movies I've transferred onto my computer are not great. A lot of times the audio is too quiet during dialog parts and too loud during action scenes. This coupled with the fact our remote broke and we need a new receiver just makes it all a headache to watch movies on the Apple TV because we have to get up and adjust the volume all the time. Picture quality is also not the best.

I do have dreams of getting a better television. I still have the same 47" TV I've had since I lived in Boystown. I remember the day the Curmudgeon took me to Best Buy in his little compact car to pick it up. It's an okay TV, but not the crisp quality one sees on all the latest ones. My dad's old TV still sits in my mom's basement. A huge 70+ inch one, going to waste down there not being used. But, my mother can't just give it to me, because in her mind it would cause this controversy with my sister who would feel she is then owed a TV, even though she doesn't need one.

My mother also makes comments like "Well, someday I might want to watch a movie down there". But then she'll say at other times that she doesn't even understand how to turn the TV on so she never uses it. I could give a shit about getting something for free, but it just seems stupid to have that TV down there not being used. In a normal family, a normal discussion could be had about this. But, it's all drama with my mother and sister.

Speaking of family, the Sparrow and I were talking the other day about my sister (again) and what is going to happen when my mom dies and how horrendous it is going to be dealing with her. I was told long ago I was the executer of the estate, but I wouldn't put it past my mom to change that now to appease my sister. If that is the case and my sister is the executer, I would likely just walk away from everything. She can have the house, the contents within and deal with everything to square the estate away. She can have all the money and choke on it as far as I am concerned.

But, if I have the role, it is going to be miserable. We've talked about changing the locks on the house immediately to prevent my sister from ransacking the place. But, again, I feel like I just don't care about the possessions in the house. There are definitely things I would like to have, but I am not going to get into a power struggle with this cunt over them. The flip side being, why should she just be able to do whatever she wants without consequences. Justice I think is the word I am looking for. She thinks she's owed it all, but someone needs to wake her up to reality. Is that my duty?

We basically were talking about the flag that was on my dad's casket at his funeral. My sister, who was visibly joyous about his death and looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but at the funeral, almost immediately commented that she wanted the flag. Surprisingly, my mother retorted that she wasn't going to give it to her because she was going to keep it.

My sister wants the flag so she can display it in her house, post pictures of it on social media and get the attention she so desperately needs by associating herself with my dad's service, his death etc etc. She does not give a damn about it being associated with my father beyond the attention she would receive for herself from it.

I know this because I got onto my dad's old Facebook account a while ago and happened to look through her feed from a couple years ago and saw on Veteran's Day and the anniversary of his death day that she posted the atypical, attention-starved updates. The Veteran's Day one she posted a pic of my dad with some blurb about his death and his time in the Air Force, written in a way to make the reader this she was proud of her father. The other one, the death day post was more interesting.

I could see her activity preceding that one and in the days or weeks before it someone we grew up with in the neighborhood posted a pic of his dad saying it'd been twenty years since he was gone. This post my sister "liked" and it had a lot of engagement for the guy who posted it. Many likes and comments. Personally, I found his post to be cringe and narcissistic, not about his father's death but about himself and the attention he could get for it. But, my sister's took the cake. She posted some diatribe about how she "couldn't believe" it had been a year "already" since he died. This sort of North Korean style of public grieving. All for attention.

My sister hated my dad. She talked openly about hating my dad. My mom tells me how my sister hated my dad and makes excuses for her in this. I've said time and again that she was joyful at his funeral. She was gleeful pillaging all his stuff and taking what she wanted. She was exuberant about jumping in to "help" my mom with her finances. And she does not hesitate even around strangers when my dad comes up to comment on his mistakes and shortcomings as a husband and father. She revels in trashing the man. The man who crawled under her fucking house with an oxygen tank to do repairs for her more than once.

For all these reasons I feel like it is my personal mission to make sure she never gets her hands on that fucking flag. Is that childish? Perhaps.

To be honest, I don't even like the fact my mother has it. Since he died I've been the only one to say anything in the man's defense. He wasn't the easiest person to know. I had my own issues with him in life and especially in the last few months before he died. But these two women to this day enjoy the fruits of his labor, the money he made sure was put aside for them after decades of working 12 hour days, six days a week. My sister feels owed the money with no acknowledgement that when my mother spends it on her that it is all thanks to my father.

It's just a flag. I know this. I understand the need people have to give sentimental meaning to material objects. I do it myself I am sure. I don't necessarily feel sentiment over the flag. My life would go on if that flag fell into my sister's hands. It's just a flag. He never owned it in life, it was placed on his coffin for really only a few minutes during the funeral. I don't even remember if it was on the coffin in the church, only that it was part of the ceremony at the gravesite.

But, to think that my sister would put that thing on a shelf in her house and use it for attention. That disgusts me. The thought of it ending up in a pile of her hoard feels like something I cannot allow. I've considered already asking my mother if I could just have it if she didn't want it at some point. But, I know my mother and her weak constitution. She would be terrified of my sister being angry about it and would likely either not allow it, or she would need to "ask" my sister if she wanted it and then expect us to have some talk over it.

This leads to what the Sparrow and I discussed about going to my mom's house after she dies and just taking it. This, of course, would end up making me be the person I am worried about my sister being. Knowing when my mom is gone she's going to ransack the house and take everything she is "owed". If it is wrong for my sister to do that, how can I justify doing it myself?

There is a difference. I know this. I am not looking to take anything to shore up my hoard at home or because it has any monetary value. I am not looking to take anything that I can post pictures of on social media and flex over owning. She could have everything else in that house at this point. I didn't think I cared about any of it. But, now for some reason that flag has become a symbol for me in my conflict against that woman. I feel deeply that she has no right to take that flag.

She may well not even remember it exists come the day my mother dies. She will have dollar signs in her eyes and be more concerned about the cash. She already has a house full of objects she thinks she's going to sell some day and make thousands. Stuff her boyfriends left behind, old records. She has this "get rich quick" mentality about it all. The same things you hear from people on episodes of 'Hoarders'. How "someday" they're going to make big money selling all the piles of shit they keep around. That is my sister.

That flag, if I can help it, is not going to find itself sitting in some hoarders filth. Nor will there be a discussion about who is going to take it when the day comes.

death, cats, sister, health, family

Previous post Next post
Up