Once again the gods spread the cheeks and ram cock in fucking ass!
Depression is gripping hard now. I've slipped back into the world of numb misery as an old friend being embraced by a Judas, ready to hand me over to the dogs with a kiss on the cheek. I haven't washed dishes in over a week and a half. I haven't swept up cat hair. My laundry never makes it to the hamper. The air conditioning units I took out of the windows two weeks ago still sit on the floor in front of their former spots. My fridge is bare and I've been eating cheese and crackers for dinner because I haven't cared to go to the grocery store in almost a month. No more breakfast shakes and salads for dinner. I just can't bring myself to care.
Yesterday was one more nail in the coffin I've exited and returned to more times than Dracula. The problem is that I have not learned my place. I cannot accept that I am less than spit and that my only role is to be bent over and fucked by whom ever needs a bloody hole to screw. I am a slave to the bullshit and having any emotions on the matter makes me a woman. I should not feel. I should only accept that I will suffer and then die.
This involves Miss Managed of course. That elusive cunt that still collects a paycheck yet seemingly manages to do nothing, accomplish nothing, complete no assignments and cannot even show up to the office on days when we simply want to sit down and have a weekly meeting. Even when the woman is not directly in charge of me and cannot ask me directly to do anything she still manages to fuck me over with a razor-studded dildo.
"Officially" a month or two back, ALL of Miss Managed's remaining client imaging was given to me. There were two that I had fought tooth and nail NOT to do, but even after fingering my ass the Boss ended up throwing them on my plate anyway. Flattering me with bullshit lines about my reliability and so forth. Enough to stroke my ego as he's kicking my balls.
I accepted knowing I have about 11-14 clients I am responsible for imaging on a quarterly basis. That's an equal number of nights I am expected to work after hours, on-site at each client. All in addition to my daily work B.S. The Boss told me to just come in later or leave early the day after I work these crazy hours. But, that's near impossible because the regular work doesn't wait for me to come in later. If some idiot client needs me at 8 AM I can't tell them I am not available because I worked late the night before, I HAVE to be there. In fact, the Boss has a tendency to assign stuff for me in the early mornings the night after working till nine or ten at a different client. It's happened too often to be coincidence.
So it's the end of the quarter, I am playing catch-up. I am scheduling about two clients a week to get them out of the way before October first. I already worked late Tuesday night at one and tonight I will be at another. The new guy has helped me with some in the weeks past and will be helping again in the coming weeks but he was not able to this week so I am stuck doing them alone. The one tonight I could use help with but whatever.
I get an email from Managed yesterday morning. CC everyone, asking me if I have scheduled to do one of the two clients of hers I had fought not to. We'll call them the Bread Company. Recently the Bread Co's server has been acting up. I did my monthly clean up on it and moved over five gig of useless files off the C drive. She continued to have issues with it and floundered as she always does, sending mass emails to us asking for "suggestions". All of which I ignored.
I responded back to her email (CC everyone) and listed off my plan for the next three or four weeks, with two clients/late nights a week I already have on my schedule and that the Bread Co was not even on my radar yet. She responded back (CC everyone) that "if" I could I needed to "make it a priority". I was livid. Beyond livid. I didn't even respond. I right then and there could have literally killed someone. I exchanged a few emails with the new guy who was like "WTF!"....
He took it upon himself to respond to the email (CC everyone) asking why Miss Managed couldn't just take one of our imaging laptops and take the image herself since he and I were already booked with clients for the next few weeks. I couldn't believe it. Someone actually on my side, coming to my defense for once. Miss Managed didn't respond.
But, the Boss did.
The Boss said he "concurred" with her and that it "needs to be a priority". Also, that "the way we do the ghosting is just newly put into place" and he doesn't want to "change things again" by having her doing an image, in reference to the new guy's suggestion she get off her ass and do it herself. So the Boss has essentially jumped up to her defense and given his stamp of approval for her to do nothing and me to bend over and take it like a bitch.
All of this was actually occurring after I left the office. No one was there but at 11:30 just as these emails all started and with me as furious as I've ever been I packed up my laptop and left. I was so pissed off I didn't care. I got home around noon, vented to my mother on the phone and watched all these ridiculous emails come through. I had not responded since my first at 11:15 saying my schedule was booked.
I decided around 1:00 to finally respond. The Boss in his response/defense of Managed had said we would "talk on Monday about schedules". This line pissed me off almost as much as her entire existence. So, even though it was childish and stupid, I wrote back to everyone:
"I’ll deal with it and get it done since it wasn’t a priority for it to be imaged in the past two years. All other ghost scheduling is fine, I will work it out as usual.
I won’t be available the rest of the afternoon."
A blatant act of childishness with a total jab at Miss Managed. That cunt, in TWO YEARS, never once imaged their server when it was her job to do it. In meeting after meeting she would come up with excuses as to why it wasn't done. FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now within a month and a half of the task "officially" being assigned to me it has become an IMMEDIATE FUCKING PRIORITY that it be done.
TWO FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!!!!
The Boss responded back to everyone saying "Thanks" and that if I needed to reschedule a few of his clients I could "certainly" do that and it wouldn't be a problem. She never responded to the email. I got showered and went to Roscoes for some drinks at 1:30 in the afternoon. I was buzzed by 2:00 and decided to get food at Melrose before going out for more cocktails. While at Melrose the Boss called and left me a voicemail.
In it he whined about how he had only about an hour's sleep because he was at a client's all night because of a downed T1 line. He told me in a nutshell that I had no right to be mad at Miss Managed because the task is on my plate now. That I couldn't be acting this way every time something like this happened. And that I should call him when I get a chance.
I've never wanted to talk to the man less in my fucking life. As far as I am concerned he chose Miss Managed's side, he's paying her to do nothing and is seemingly receiving head from her on a daily basis. I was betrayed and he was no better than any other asshole I've ever been fucked by. She gets away with all this bullshit because he lets her.
Before calling him back I had a thought about how I needed to NOT be emotional on the phone with him. That I needed to maintain the "man to man" level of communication and not be the emotional woman like she is otherwise it might affect my standing with him... blah blah blah
Like a coward I called him up and played off what happened as if I was just initially pissed about it and "overreacted". And then I lied and said my therapy appointment had been changed and that's why I was unavailable earlier in the afternoon. He fingered my ass again telling me all this bullshit about how I get the jobs down and he needs me to stand up and do what I am good at.... yada yada yada.... and that again, I can't be getting upset when things change and become priorities. Also that this was all HIS idea and to quote "It's very important to me that you know this was coming from me and not {Miss Managed}"... he said that two or three times.
He also admitted that yes, even if not directly this was still Miss Managed's fault because she did not image the server for TWO YEARS before this. And he also admitted to laughing out loud when he read my email, even though it was as he put it "passive-aggressive".
He actually spent a majority of the phone conversation whining about his day and how busy he was and how he'd been up all night. All this bullshit I did not care about because it had NOTHING to do with me and my issues. He gets paid more.... they ALL get paid more... they SHOULD be doing more fucking work than I am. I wish there was a way I could coolly bring up the fact that more is expected out of me than the other two combined, yet I am making less than both of them. It is unfair and injustice if I've ever seen it.
NOTHING is expected of her... he fully and openly admits that.... yet she just got a raise. If you're thinking about firing someone why are they getting a raise??!?!?!? Or is your talk of firing her just to appease me and tickle my ass again?
Now I am here today playing nice, as if I don't wish I could walk out of here right now. She is nowhere to be seen of course. But, according to him she is "billing the time" which means it's okay that she does nothing and is never around. Because somehow she manages to lie well enough on her time sheets to steal money from the customers. She must be fucking him, it's the only explanation.
The new guy came in here this morning asking if she ever responded to what I said, which she did not. No doubt she sent an email directly to the Boss even though every other communication she sends is CC to everyone. I am sure from the trauma of the event she probably called in sick today. The only week in the past six months she has not taken a day off that I remember was two weeks ago when the Boss's partner's mother-in-law died. Every other week I've been told she's either out sick or at a funeral. Last Thursday she emailed the Boss at 9 in the morning saying she wasn't feeling well and needed "to lay down for a while"...
She gets away with murder. Meanwhile I am on my knees begging God to bring the world to an end as soon as humanly possible. I'd rather cease to exist that have to endure this injustice every day. No matter where I go, there I'm fucked.
Yesterday was one more nail in the coffin I've exited and returned to more times than Dracula. The problem is that I have not learned my place. I cannot accept that I am less than spit and that my only role is to be bent over and fucked by whom ever needs a bloody hole to screw. I am a slave to the bullshit and having any emotions on the matter makes me a woman. I should not feel. I should only accept that I will suffer and then die.
This involves Miss Managed of course. That elusive cunt that still collects a paycheck yet seemingly manages to do nothing, accomplish nothing, complete no assignments and cannot even show up to the office on days when we simply want to sit down and have a weekly meeting. Even when the woman is not directly in charge of me and cannot ask me directly to do anything she still manages to fuck me over with a razor-studded dildo.
"Officially" a month or two back, ALL of Miss Managed's remaining client imaging was given to me. There were two that I had fought tooth and nail NOT to do, but even after fingering my ass the Boss ended up throwing them on my plate anyway. Flattering me with bullshit lines about my reliability and so forth. Enough to stroke my ego as he's kicking my balls.
I accepted knowing I have about 11-14 clients I am responsible for imaging on a quarterly basis. That's an equal number of nights I am expected to work after hours, on-site at each client. All in addition to my daily work B.S. The Boss told me to just come in later or leave early the day after I work these crazy hours. But, that's near impossible because the regular work doesn't wait for me to come in later. If some idiot client needs me at 8 AM I can't tell them I am not available because I worked late the night before, I HAVE to be there. In fact, the Boss has a tendency to assign stuff for me in the early mornings the night after working till nine or ten at a different client. It's happened too often to be coincidence.
So it's the end of the quarter, I am playing catch-up. I am scheduling about two clients a week to get them out of the way before October first. I already worked late Tuesday night at one and tonight I will be at another. The new guy has helped me with some in the weeks past and will be helping again in the coming weeks but he was not able to this week so I am stuck doing them alone. The one tonight I could use help with but whatever.
I get an email from Managed yesterday morning. CC everyone, asking me if I have scheduled to do one of the two clients of hers I had fought not to. We'll call them the Bread Company. Recently the Bread Co's server has been acting up. I did my monthly clean up on it and moved over five gig of useless files off the C drive. She continued to have issues with it and floundered as she always does, sending mass emails to us asking for "suggestions". All of which I ignored.
I responded back to her email (CC everyone) and listed off my plan for the next three or four weeks, with two clients/late nights a week I already have on my schedule and that the Bread Co was not even on my radar yet. She responded back (CC everyone) that "if" I could I needed to "make it a priority". I was livid. Beyond livid. I didn't even respond. I right then and there could have literally killed someone. I exchanged a few emails with the new guy who was like "WTF!"....
He took it upon himself to respond to the email (CC everyone) asking why Miss Managed couldn't just take one of our imaging laptops and take the image herself since he and I were already booked with clients for the next few weeks. I couldn't believe it. Someone actually on my side, coming to my defense for once. Miss Managed didn't respond.
But, the Boss did.
The Boss said he "concurred" with her and that it "needs to be a priority". Also, that "the way we do the ghosting is just newly put into place" and he doesn't want to "change things again" by having her doing an image, in reference to the new guy's suggestion she get off her ass and do it herself. So the Boss has essentially jumped up to her defense and given his stamp of approval for her to do nothing and me to bend over and take it like a bitch.
All of this was actually occurring after I left the office. No one was there but at 11:30 just as these emails all started and with me as furious as I've ever been I packed up my laptop and left. I was so pissed off I didn't care. I got home around noon, vented to my mother on the phone and watched all these ridiculous emails come through. I had not responded since my first at 11:15 saying my schedule was booked.
I decided around 1:00 to finally respond. The Boss in his response/defense of Managed had said we would "talk on Monday about schedules". This line pissed me off almost as much as her entire existence. So, even though it was childish and stupid, I wrote back to everyone:
"I’ll deal with it and get it done since it wasn’t a priority for it to be imaged in the past two years. All other ghost scheduling is fine, I will work it out as usual.
I won’t be available the rest of the afternoon."
A blatant act of childishness with a total jab at Miss Managed. That cunt, in TWO YEARS, never once imaged their server when it was her job to do it. In meeting after meeting she would come up with excuses as to why it wasn't done. FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now within a month and a half of the task "officially" being assigned to me it has become an IMMEDIATE FUCKING PRIORITY that it be done.
TWO FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!!!!
The Boss responded back to everyone saying "Thanks" and that if I needed to reschedule a few of his clients I could "certainly" do that and it wouldn't be a problem. She never responded to the email. I got showered and went to Roscoes for some drinks at 1:30 in the afternoon. I was buzzed by 2:00 and decided to get food at Melrose before going out for more cocktails. While at Melrose the Boss called and left me a voicemail.
In it he whined about how he had only about an hour's sleep because he was at a client's all night because of a downed T1 line. He told me in a nutshell that I had no right to be mad at Miss Managed because the task is on my plate now. That I couldn't be acting this way every time something like this happened. And that I should call him when I get a chance.
I've never wanted to talk to the man less in my fucking life. As far as I am concerned he chose Miss Managed's side, he's paying her to do nothing and is seemingly receiving head from her on a daily basis. I was betrayed and he was no better than any other asshole I've ever been fucked by. She gets away with all this bullshit because he lets her.
Before calling him back I had a thought about how I needed to NOT be emotional on the phone with him. That I needed to maintain the "man to man" level of communication and not be the emotional woman like she is otherwise it might affect my standing with him... blah blah blah
Like a coward I called him up and played off what happened as if I was just initially pissed about it and "overreacted". And then I lied and said my therapy appointment had been changed and that's why I was unavailable earlier in the afternoon. He fingered my ass again telling me all this bullshit about how I get the jobs down and he needs me to stand up and do what I am good at.... yada yada yada.... and that again, I can't be getting upset when things change and become priorities. Also that this was all HIS idea and to quote "It's very important to me that you know this was coming from me and not {Miss Managed}"... he said that two or three times.
He also admitted that yes, even if not directly this was still Miss Managed's fault because she did not image the server for TWO YEARS before this. And he also admitted to laughing out loud when he read my email, even though it was as he put it "passive-aggressive".
He actually spent a majority of the phone conversation whining about his day and how busy he was and how he'd been up all night. All this bullshit I did not care about because it had NOTHING to do with me and my issues. He gets paid more.... they ALL get paid more... they SHOULD be doing more fucking work than I am. I wish there was a way I could coolly bring up the fact that more is expected out of me than the other two combined, yet I am making less than both of them. It is unfair and injustice if I've ever seen it.
NOTHING is expected of her... he fully and openly admits that.... yet she just got a raise. If you're thinking about firing someone why are they getting a raise??!?!?!? Or is your talk of firing her just to appease me and tickle my ass again?
Now I am here today playing nice, as if I don't wish I could walk out of here right now. She is nowhere to be seen of course. But, according to him she is "billing the time" which means it's okay that she does nothing and is never around. Because somehow she manages to lie well enough on her time sheets to steal money from the customers. She must be fucking him, it's the only explanation.
The new guy came in here this morning asking if she ever responded to what I said, which she did not. No doubt she sent an email directly to the Boss even though every other communication she sends is CC to everyone. I am sure from the trauma of the event she probably called in sick today. The only week in the past six months she has not taken a day off that I remember was two weeks ago when the Boss's partner's mother-in-law died. Every other week I've been told she's either out sick or at a funeral. Last Thursday she emailed the Boss at 9 in the morning saying she wasn't feeling well and needed "to lay down for a while"...
She gets away with murder. Meanwhile I am on my knees begging God to bring the world to an end as soon as humanly possible. I'd rather cease to exist that have to endure this injustice every day. No matter where I go, there I'm fucked.