If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy
It's funny to me how I make probably twice as much money as I did eight years ago yet the same issues seem to be arising again like a stirring volcano. Not that it is all out of my hands. I fully accepted that it is my own financial ineptitude guiding most of the disaster along.
Things weren't even that bad until the middle of last summer. I'm not sure what the key factor was, but more so maybe a culmination of events. All the dental work I had done added up to anywhere from three to five thousand dollars. I lost count, and honestly I don't want to think about it considering the work isn't even done yet. This included both money out of my pocket and from my HSA account. Not to mention a little thrown in from my mother who was just so happy I was getting my teeth fixed finally she felt like throwing a grand at me.
I'm not sure if the break-in really fits into the financial woes since I have not replaced any of the stolen items from my own money. But, the mistake I made the day after letting the ComEd guy into the basement to read the meters has only caused me continual issues. In fact, in less than three weeks I have received THREE electric bills this month.
Previously, at the beginning of winter I received a bill for almost $400. Back-dated charges for the entire year and a half I'd lived here that ComEd "estimated" I owed them since they had not been able to read the meter once. I paid that off, in about three months. Only now in January to be pummeled yet again with a $250 bill claiming that had to "re-estimate" for October-December because of a newer reading my landlady apparently called in.
I have been so confused by the constant stream of bills from them I had to call and ask if I was being billed for the entire building or just my apartment. I was on with a pissed off black chick who I did not have the balls to argue with so I accepted her answer and hung up.
In the midst of all this there was Xmas. As well as a considerable increase in the amount of bar time I was funding. The Halloween party. And my Mardi Gras vacation coming up in two weeks. I suppose if I was not stashing money for that I would have a little extra. But, for now I don't... and it's somewhat comical to me. At my age, making what I make now... and my fridge is almost literally bare. I can't afford kitty litter. I can't really use my credit cards because they are almost all quite literally maxed out. I'm not sure what happened or how stupid and blind I was to get myself to this place again.
Add to it the fact my Boss for some reason has not given us our expense checks, and though last month's was only $80 it would have made the difference in my being able to get some groceries last week. I suppose since he knows how to manage his money he probably never considers the fact that I am living from paycheck to paycheck... made even more difficult by the fact I only get paid once a month.
I don't seek out for anyone to feel sorry for me about all this. I am well aware it is my own doing. And that is the point I am getting at, and getting to: That I feel the need for a major upheaval in the way I am doing things. I had one such upheaval about eight years ago. I somehow got my debt under control. Paid off about six credit cards within a year. Granted I literally spent $20 a month on groceries at that time and I had a lot of nice, clean, empty cabinets. Then I moved into a studio, which was a god-send for the wallet. I almost pass out at the thought of how cheap the rent was back then. I've got monthly credit card bills higher than that now.
I realize my apartment is a big factor in my financial disaster. I pay a lot of money to live here. More than I'd been willing to pay the year before I moved in here. I could move somewhere else and probably save anywhere from $200-400 a month in rent if I just lived in a different neighborhood in the same size apartment. But, the thought of moving just makes me sick. After two years in a row of it I'd prefer staying here as long as truly possible. So as far as my living situation goes, it's a debt I'm willing to suffer with.
The rest of the debt and the bills need to be dealt with. I am just reaching a point in my life where not having the extra money is taking a real toll on things. My mobility, my relationships, my sense of freedom. I can't even imagine being in a place right now where I could own a car again. The thought of all the expenses involved with one make my anxiety explode, but I miss the ability to go somewhere when I want to and not having one does at times seriously affect the functioning of my life.
I was considering Zip Car a few months back, but as my situation has deteriorated I honestly cannot even afford that. By the last week of the month in my current state I have no extra cash... this is after paying bills and groceries. I've managed to scrounge by on some nights out drinking, dinners and movies by using my expense checks and credit cards but all those things are like trying to plug leaks in a damn with my fingers... hell, I've moved on from fingers and I'm sticking toes in the holes now too. I'll be out of digits and appendages shortly.
Though I am immensely looking forward to my vacation to NOLA, it probably wasn't the most intelligent financial decision. Luckily, it will only have a minor footprint financially since my tax return will pay for almost the entire expense of the travel and hotel. But, once I am back I already know in my mind that change needs to come quickly or my head will be under water.
Of course, the biggest disaster could come in the form of what my hopes for the ability to change are weighing on: My raise at work. My review is in March and the first paycheck to reflect my raise I "think" is on April 1st... but it may be March 1st, I can't remember. Either way I am counting on something very special. Last year's raise was considerable; and though I cannot remember the exact percent it was the biggest single raise I'd ever gotten.
But, to be quite frank I feel that my efforts at the office compared to the previous year have doubled... maybe even tripled by some respects. And because of that I personally feel my raise should be at least double the percentage. It really carries heavy on my mind daily, as my Boss asks more and more of me. This impending doom that my raise will be a huge let down. I can see the "economy" or some other excuse being a reason for it to be less than stellar. But this is not the time for things to be less than stellar. The coming year more is expected of me... more than I am already doing which as I said is double what was being done just a year before.
I have my limits, mentally. That's not a threat to him just a reality of my personality. When something no longer benefits me enough my attention plummets into the abyss. It's happened at every other job I have had (and one might argue in my relationships as well). When I no longer feel I am getting what I deserve, my time screwing around at the office completely consumes me. My performance collapses. I would essentially become Miss Managed. I don't give a damn though about the Boss's affections and attentions like she does. If I can be quite blunt, all I care about is the money. And what matters to me most this year is that he shows how much he values me by putting a large price tag on that which he values.
Things are teetering on the edge here. One more disaster and my house of cards will do more than just fall over. It will burst into flames.
Things weren't even that bad until the middle of last summer. I'm not sure what the key factor was, but more so maybe a culmination of events. All the dental work I had done added up to anywhere from three to five thousand dollars. I lost count, and honestly I don't want to think about it considering the work isn't even done yet. This included both money out of my pocket and from my HSA account. Not to mention a little thrown in from my mother who was just so happy I was getting my teeth fixed finally she felt like throwing a grand at me.
I'm not sure if the break-in really fits into the financial woes since I have not replaced any of the stolen items from my own money. But, the mistake I made the day after letting the ComEd guy into the basement to read the meters has only caused me continual issues. In fact, in less than three weeks I have received THREE electric bills this month.
Previously, at the beginning of winter I received a bill for almost $400. Back-dated charges for the entire year and a half I'd lived here that ComEd "estimated" I owed them since they had not been able to read the meter once. I paid that off, in about three months. Only now in January to be pummeled yet again with a $250 bill claiming that had to "re-estimate" for October-December because of a newer reading my landlady apparently called in.
I have been so confused by the constant stream of bills from them I had to call and ask if I was being billed for the entire building or just my apartment. I was on with a pissed off black chick who I did not have the balls to argue with so I accepted her answer and hung up.
In the midst of all this there was Xmas. As well as a considerable increase in the amount of bar time I was funding. The Halloween party. And my Mardi Gras vacation coming up in two weeks. I suppose if I was not stashing money for that I would have a little extra. But, for now I don't... and it's somewhat comical to me. At my age, making what I make now... and my fridge is almost literally bare. I can't afford kitty litter. I can't really use my credit cards because they are almost all quite literally maxed out. I'm not sure what happened or how stupid and blind I was to get myself to this place again.
Add to it the fact my Boss for some reason has not given us our expense checks, and though last month's was only $80 it would have made the difference in my being able to get some groceries last week. I suppose since he knows how to manage his money he probably never considers the fact that I am living from paycheck to paycheck... made even more difficult by the fact I only get paid once a month.
I don't seek out for anyone to feel sorry for me about all this. I am well aware it is my own doing. And that is the point I am getting at, and getting to: That I feel the need for a major upheaval in the way I am doing things. I had one such upheaval about eight years ago. I somehow got my debt under control. Paid off about six credit cards within a year. Granted I literally spent $20 a month on groceries at that time and I had a lot of nice, clean, empty cabinets. Then I moved into a studio, which was a god-send for the wallet. I almost pass out at the thought of how cheap the rent was back then. I've got monthly credit card bills higher than that now.
I realize my apartment is a big factor in my financial disaster. I pay a lot of money to live here. More than I'd been willing to pay the year before I moved in here. I could move somewhere else and probably save anywhere from $200-400 a month in rent if I just lived in a different neighborhood in the same size apartment. But, the thought of moving just makes me sick. After two years in a row of it I'd prefer staying here as long as truly possible. So as far as my living situation goes, it's a debt I'm willing to suffer with.
The rest of the debt and the bills need to be dealt with. I am just reaching a point in my life where not having the extra money is taking a real toll on things. My mobility, my relationships, my sense of freedom. I can't even imagine being in a place right now where I could own a car again. The thought of all the expenses involved with one make my anxiety explode, but I miss the ability to go somewhere when I want to and not having one does at times seriously affect the functioning of my life.
I was considering Zip Car a few months back, but as my situation has deteriorated I honestly cannot even afford that. By the last week of the month in my current state I have no extra cash... this is after paying bills and groceries. I've managed to scrounge by on some nights out drinking, dinners and movies by using my expense checks and credit cards but all those things are like trying to plug leaks in a damn with my fingers... hell, I've moved on from fingers and I'm sticking toes in the holes now too. I'll be out of digits and appendages shortly.
Though I am immensely looking forward to my vacation to NOLA, it probably wasn't the most intelligent financial decision. Luckily, it will only have a minor footprint financially since my tax return will pay for almost the entire expense of the travel and hotel. But, once I am back I already know in my mind that change needs to come quickly or my head will be under water.
Of course, the biggest disaster could come in the form of what my hopes for the ability to change are weighing on: My raise at work. My review is in March and the first paycheck to reflect my raise I "think" is on April 1st... but it may be March 1st, I can't remember. Either way I am counting on something very special. Last year's raise was considerable; and though I cannot remember the exact percent it was the biggest single raise I'd ever gotten.
But, to be quite frank I feel that my efforts at the office compared to the previous year have doubled... maybe even tripled by some respects. And because of that I personally feel my raise should be at least double the percentage. It really carries heavy on my mind daily, as my Boss asks more and more of me. This impending doom that my raise will be a huge let down. I can see the "economy" or some other excuse being a reason for it to be less than stellar. But this is not the time for things to be less than stellar. The coming year more is expected of me... more than I am already doing which as I said is double what was being done just a year before.
I have my limits, mentally. That's not a threat to him just a reality of my personality. When something no longer benefits me enough my attention plummets into the abyss. It's happened at every other job I have had (and one might argue in my relationships as well). When I no longer feel I am getting what I deserve, my time screwing around at the office completely consumes me. My performance collapses. I would essentially become Miss Managed. I don't give a damn though about the Boss's affections and attentions like she does. If I can be quite blunt, all I care about is the money. And what matters to me most this year is that he shows how much he values me by putting a large price tag on that which he values.
Things are teetering on the edge here. One more disaster and my house of cards will do more than just fall over. It will burst into flames.