I think I need to write again.
I’ve been thinking that I used to care. I used to feel and think and remember. I used to contemplate everything, and write to help make sense and put things back into order.
I feel haven’t been doing any of that lately. Or for the last few years. Or really, even more than that. It’s all a blank and I have just been carefully skating over the thin ice separating myself from feeling anything. I’ve been passive and avoidant and... empty.
I used to write down my thoughts and my days and my experiences and my worries and my successes and I think I miss it.
Because I didn’t journal for so long it’s almost like those years are gone.
I can’t look back on them and re-read and put myself back into the mindset from when I wrote that post, and I think I need that.
I have the worst memory, and I’m forgetting things. I’m forgetting things I’d like to remember. Things I should remember. And so much is gone now.
I work lots and I love my job, but I work and I come home and I watch tv and craft and maybe read and spend hours on the Internet, but I feel like I’m missing something. A connection. And while the lj community is gone and social media completely changed the internet and the natures of the old forums and groups, I’ve only felt that kind of connection that I used to have a couple of times since those days and that’s all gone now too.
So I want to start journaling again. I’m not sure if it’s here or somewhere else, or even offline, but here seemed like a good place to start reconnecting.
So here it is.
I feel haven’t been doing any of that lately. Or for the last few years. Or really, even more than that. It’s all a blank and I have just been carefully skating over the thin ice separating myself from feeling anything. I’ve been passive and avoidant and... empty.
I used to write down my thoughts and my days and my experiences and my worries and my successes and I think I miss it.
Because I didn’t journal for so long it’s almost like those years are gone.
I can’t look back on them and re-read and put myself back into the mindset from when I wrote that post, and I think I need that.
I have the worst memory, and I’m forgetting things. I’m forgetting things I’d like to remember. Things I should remember. And so much is gone now.
I work lots and I love my job, but I work and I come home and I watch tv and craft and maybe read and spend hours on the Internet, but I feel like I’m missing something. A connection. And while the lj community is gone and social media completely changed the internet and the natures of the old forums and groups, I’ve only felt that kind of connection that I used to have a couple of times since those days and that’s all gone now too.
So I want to start journaling again. I’m not sure if it’s here or somewhere else, or even offline, but here seemed like a good place to start reconnecting.
So here it is.