convo.... thoughts....
BigTrav1981: what's up
Goodfriendwholistens: hey
BigTrav1981: how's it goin?
Goodfriendwholistens: ok. I'm fairly exhausted. It's going to be my default state for the next week and a half I guess
BigTrav1981: lol how's the new job goin?
Goodfriendwholistens: it's all right so far. I'm just getting my ass kicked by the commute. After I move, it'll be better
BigTrav1981: good
Goodfriendwholistens: you?
Goodfriendwholistens: how are you, I mean
BigTrav1981: eh....
BigTrav1981: just getting pissed off, learning more, trying to figure out how to eventually deal with an issue
Goodfriendwholistens: sounds fun
BigTrav1981: that and mood swings that change more colors than the new kind of m&m make my life a rollercoaster of entertainment
Goodfriendwholistens: you should not do that
BigTrav1981: do what?
Goodfriendwholistens: have crazy mood swings
BigTrav1981: i agree, however they are the product of my surroundings
BigTrav1981: i should not have mood swings, but i also should not see my best friend turning into a complete asshole
BigTrav1981: i should not have someone i looked up to, stand me up for a girl
BigTrav1981: and then not be able to handle me calling him out for it.
BigTrav1981: i should not feel depressed every time i go into my job
BigTrav1981: i should not feel ok, when i'm by myself but then when i get around my job, my house, my friends, feel inadequate or depressed
BigTrav1981: i should not feel like doing nothing because no matter what i do, it's done one time better by my boss, because he doesn't take no for an answer
BigTrav1981: i should not have anxiety issues to where i can't talk to a female and i obsess about them so much that i build up the slightest thing so i'm made fun of constantly at work
BigTrav1981: i should not dread going out with my friends because it always turns out that i'm the but of the joke
BigTrav1981: and i should not always be made to feel like i'm less of a person just because my best friend has an ego the size of asia and is a pompus self centered asshole
Goodfriendwholistens: all of that is correct.
BigTrav1981: however, all of that is what is going on with me right now
Goodfriendwholistens: I think - and don't take offense, though I think you're smart enough not to - you need counseling.
BigTrav1981: the only time i dont' feel the anxiety is when i'm taking xanax. however i won't go to a counselor because i don't like them and to me they are full of it
Goodfriendwholistens: why do you think that?
BigTrav1981: i'm gonna say something before i answer that, but just make sure i answer that after... k? k. here it goes....
BigTrav1981: mental health is not simply mental health, physical health plays a huge part on a person's mental health,
BigTrav1981: at this time, my physical form is not what one would call the most attractive... i'm overweight, and then not to mention with being like that, the mental strain on that is shown through my posture, etc
Goodfriendwholistens: I buy that. I'm a believer in the mind/body relationship
BigTrav1981: if i were able to correct my physical state through exercise, diet etc.... when i make it to certain milestones, those will affect me to a degree that no shrink will be able to....
BigTrav1981: along with that, i've always had a personality that attracts people, even when my physical does not...
BigTrav1981: my self respect, and self confidence will rise and there will be no need for the anxiety
BigTrav1981: the anxiety comes from low self esteem, not thinkign that girls find me attractive. i do ok with it sometimes and then other times when i'm with certain people and they make me feel like i'm not worth anything.... then the anxiety sets in
Goodfriendwholistens: But in the meantime, you should still respect yourself. You deserve that respect by virtue of the fact that you live and breathe, not because you're some Adonis.
Goodfriendwholistens: And to relate it back to the list you gave earlier
BigTrav1981: when the things that they make fun of relate to my physical state, and are embarrassing, and i don't respect the fact that i have not taken care of myself, it's hard to respect yourself
Goodfriendwholistens: Leveling off your emotional state will do you a world of good as well. Your emotions and mental health are affected by your physical welfare, yes, but to a much larger extent, they are separate entities.
BigTrav1981: however, they are things that i plan on workign through in my head when i'm working out on my physical form...
Goodfriendwholistens: ok then...just think about it, then. Don't discount the idea entirely, is all I ask.
Goodfriendwholistens: I have to go. I have to get up ridiculously early, and I still have forms to fill out
BigTrav1981: lol i hear ya
BigTrav1981: and i haven't discounted the idea entirely... i thought about doing it not too long ago. but i have a really hard time going to a shrink when every one i have been to has been fulll of it
Goodfriendwholistens: up to you, man.
Goodfriendwholistens: I'm out of here, though. Take it easy on yourself, ok. You're a good guy
BigTrav1981: have fun with your forms... thanks for reading what i write
Goodfriendwholistens: no prob. Gnite
BigTrav1981: night