songs
Every so often in a long while there comes along a song that just describes to a t how you're feeling at that very instant in time. It describes how you're feeling and what you're thinking emotionall and plucks that string inside of you that spikes a virtual torrent of memories. Unfortunately for myself, with all the music I listen to, many songs fall into this category. The most recent song to fit this mold is a duet by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss. The song's name is Whiskey Lullaby and is a song about two lovers who's relationship ended on an abrupt note. His love for her was so strong it consumed him for the rest of his life, or at least until he decided to leave the pain behind. She felt so bad after his "end" that she ended up with the same fate... it's a beautiful, wonderful song, filled with sadness and tragedy. If you don't know the song, the lyrics for it are behind the cut
She put him out,
Like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
He spend his whole life trying to forget
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough, to get her off his mind
Until the night
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La la la la la la lay, La la la la la la lay
The Rumors flew,
But nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years
She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away, a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La la la la la la lay, La la la la la la lay
La la la la la la lay, La la la la la la lay
As unfortunate a story as this one is, and as much as I don't want to be this story, it is one I can see happening. I cannot let this become what can possibly be. People say that my ex didn't love me and that I should be over her by now. However, I felt such a strong love for her and saw the emotion and realness that I brought out in her, that even with all the pain and frustrations dealing with loss of trust in women, I am not over her. I am almost over her, but yet, am not. They say you never forget your first true love. I believe that is true, I will never forget her. I also often wondered why guys end up jerks and assholes that never care about women. The reason I have come to believe is this. When guys first start to date, they are completely romantic, and want to do everything for their significant other. Then they get their heart broken. This starts a downward spiral of lack of trust in females and a lack of desire to do things for the opposite sex. Now all the guy thinks about is himself because thinking of his mate got him nowhere. Now the hopeless romantic has become or is on the road to becoming a jaded, self-centered, selfish jerk. This is how I feel towards women right now. I do not have any desire to spend any money on them, I do not have any desire to change plans to revolve around them, and I do not have any desire to take care of them. This is a very strange place for me since before I took care of my ex in any way she needed, I made sure that she had everything she wanted and I revolved my life around her. I do not think that was a good idea at this time, but That's what I felt a guy was supposed to do, provide. Provide support in every way. I was mistaken, but it worked as long as she needed something. I can ramble forever, but I'll stop here with a getting back to where I meant to go with this. I know my ex (or at least I knew her) and I know how she felt about me, at least up until last march or april. If I were to follow the path of this song... I have no doubt she would feel the same as the girl in the song. I cannot however say that she'd end up the same as the girl, except the sorrow and regret. However, I cannot let myself go down this road. When I think of the line "we watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time" I think of my friends. I cannot allow them to be put through watching me destroy myself from the inside.
But there will always be a place in my heart for her.
She put him out,
Like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
He spend his whole life trying to forget
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough, to get her off his mind
Until the night
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La la la la la la lay, La la la la la la lay
The Rumors flew,
But nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years
She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away, a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La la la la la la lay, La la la la la la lay
La la la la la la lay, La la la la la la lay
As unfortunate a story as this one is, and as much as I don't want to be this story, it is one I can see happening. I cannot let this become what can possibly be. People say that my ex didn't love me and that I should be over her by now. However, I felt such a strong love for her and saw the emotion and realness that I brought out in her, that even with all the pain and frustrations dealing with loss of trust in women, I am not over her. I am almost over her, but yet, am not. They say you never forget your first true love. I believe that is true, I will never forget her. I also often wondered why guys end up jerks and assholes that never care about women. The reason I have come to believe is this. When guys first start to date, they are completely romantic, and want to do everything for their significant other. Then they get their heart broken. This starts a downward spiral of lack of trust in females and a lack of desire to do things for the opposite sex. Now all the guy thinks about is himself because thinking of his mate got him nowhere. Now the hopeless romantic has become or is on the road to becoming a jaded, self-centered, selfish jerk. This is how I feel towards women right now. I do not have any desire to spend any money on them, I do not have any desire to change plans to revolve around them, and I do not have any desire to take care of them. This is a very strange place for me since before I took care of my ex in any way she needed, I made sure that she had everything she wanted and I revolved my life around her. I do not think that was a good idea at this time, but That's what I felt a guy was supposed to do, provide. Provide support in every way. I was mistaken, but it worked as long as she needed something. I can ramble forever, but I'll stop here with a getting back to where I meant to go with this. I know my ex (or at least I knew her) and I know how she felt about me, at least up until last march or april. If I were to follow the path of this song... I have no doubt she would feel the same as the girl in the song. I cannot however say that she'd end up the same as the girl, except the sorrow and regret. However, I cannot let myself go down this road. When I think of the line "we watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time" I think of my friends. I cannot allow them to be put through watching me destroy myself from the inside.
But there will always be a place in my heart for her.