The Eagle - It Reeks of SLASH
Watched The Eagle that was recced to me by sineala, and FUCKING SHIT WAS THAT GAY. It's funny because it's totally a movie I'd see once and would be just okay with, but the slash saves it and it's great because I'm willing to bet that the fanfiction is phenomenal because canon gives you just enough to take and run with it. I've only read one fic so far, mostly because I've spent the week helping my sister move and stuff, but I can tell when I have spare time, IT IS ON.
This pimp post is going to be light because this post has done most of the work for me and it's very funny and accurate. I'm simply here to squee all over you and provide a download. Aren't I handy? (btw, most of the images are from tumblr, just search 'the eagle' tag and you'll see sources.)
Basically, it's about a Roman soldier named Marcus who gets injured while defending his men and subsequently gets honorably discharged because of the extent of his injury. Sitting around his uncle's villa and angsting, he goes to a local gladiator fight and is moved when a slave, Esca, throws down his weapon and refuses to fight. Marcus can't stand this injustice and is compelled by the slave so much (probably because it's love at first sight or at least lust at first sight) that he incites the crowd to let the guy live.
His uncle plays the slash troll for this movie (previous characters inhabiting this role include the Merlin slash dragon, Spock Prime, and Mycroft Holmes) and buys Esca for Marcus. But there's a problem: Esca is a Britain and hates Rome and everything his new master stands for, but still wishes to serve him with all he has because Marcus saved his life. Marcus doesn't really want him as a slave, possibly because he wants to plow him. Badly. Don't believe me?
Yeah, THAT happens. Obtensibly, Esca is holding Marcus down for surgery which is gruesome in those days as you know, but come on, why do they look like this? In fact, stuff like this happens ALL THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE. Eyesex? Try: "Eyes fucking the shit out of each other hopped up on ecstasy and Viagra."
So for the rest of the movie Marcus decides that he wants to venture into northern Britain where it's full of enemies and an eagle standard that was lost with the ninth legion his father was head of and is a big deal to Romans. He decides to take Esca which his uncle warns is bad because, um, he's a slave who hates Rome and will be among his people, but Marcus says fuck that noise, if Esca kills him, Esca kills him because yeah, he trusts him that goddamn much.
They ride and ride and ride, have a fight in which Esca has not told him a lot of stuff about his past, roll around like this shit is Amok Time or something, then they come across this hilarious tribe of painted shirtless people in Northern England and oh yeah, Esca tells them Marcus is his slave and Marcus thinks Esca betrayed him and I'm not that concerned because there's this
*swallows* moving on, Esca is not a traitor, yay! He comes in the night to get Marcus and leave while everyone is sleeping to get his eagle. Marcus' response to all this? "I thought I'd lost you." WHO EVEN WHAT GAY IS. They must flee from the tribe, who is coming after them to reclaim the eagle, and Marcus is sick and shit and Esca's horse breaks down so at one point they ride together. Good fucking Christ in a hammock do I love feeble plot devices that get two men into all these homoerotic situations.
At one point Marcus can't go on and he tells Esca to leave him. Well, Esca won't leave him because he's bound to him. So Marcus sets him free, and this would have been fairly straightforward and just bromantic had they not looked like this the whole time
Plot stuff happens, they are victorious, and Esca and Marcus are bffs and shit. Or Marcus marries a girl named Cottia. Or Marcus and Esca buy a horse farm together (alternate ending.) I....think I like the movieverse a lot better than the book, though I've heard it's even slashier and now I'm curious because how damn gay must it be to eclipse blatant het? Anyway, the movie ends and so does this pimp post because you should just watch this mediocre but slash-rich movie.
DOWNLOAD AND BE AMAZED
This pimp post is going to be light because this post has done most of the work for me and it's very funny and accurate. I'm simply here to squee all over you and provide a download. Aren't I handy? (btw, most of the images are from tumblr, just search 'the eagle' tag and you'll see sources.)
Basically, it's about a Roman soldier named Marcus who gets injured while defending his men and subsequently gets honorably discharged because of the extent of his injury. Sitting around his uncle's villa and angsting, he goes to a local gladiator fight and is moved when a slave, Esca, throws down his weapon and refuses to fight. Marcus can't stand this injustice and is compelled by the slave so much (probably because it's love at first sight or at least lust at first sight) that he incites the crowd to let the guy live.
His uncle plays the slash troll for this movie (previous characters inhabiting this role include the Merlin slash dragon, Spock Prime, and Mycroft Holmes) and buys Esca for Marcus. But there's a problem: Esca is a Britain and hates Rome and everything his new master stands for, but still wishes to serve him with all he has because Marcus saved his life. Marcus doesn't really want him as a slave, possibly because he wants to plow him. Badly. Don't believe me?
Yeah, THAT happens. Obtensibly, Esca is holding Marcus down for surgery which is gruesome in those days as you know, but come on, why do they look like this? In fact, stuff like this happens ALL THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE. Eyesex? Try: "Eyes fucking the shit out of each other hopped up on ecstasy and Viagra."
So for the rest of the movie Marcus decides that he wants to venture into northern Britain where it's full of enemies and an eagle standard that was lost with the ninth legion his father was head of and is a big deal to Romans. He decides to take Esca which his uncle warns is bad because, um, he's a slave who hates Rome and will be among his people, but Marcus says fuck that noise, if Esca kills him, Esca kills him because yeah, he trusts him that goddamn much.
They ride and ride and ride, have a fight in which Esca has not told him a lot of stuff about his past, roll around like this shit is Amok Time or something, then they come across this hilarious tribe of painted shirtless people in Northern England and oh yeah, Esca tells them Marcus is his slave and Marcus thinks Esca betrayed him and I'm not that concerned because there's this
*swallows* moving on, Esca is not a traitor, yay! He comes in the night to get Marcus and leave while everyone is sleeping to get his eagle. Marcus' response to all this? "I thought I'd lost you." WHO EVEN WHAT GAY IS. They must flee from the tribe, who is coming after them to reclaim the eagle, and Marcus is sick and shit and Esca's horse breaks down so at one point they ride together. Good fucking Christ in a hammock do I love feeble plot devices that get two men into all these homoerotic situations.
At one point Marcus can't go on and he tells Esca to leave him. Well, Esca won't leave him because he's bound to him. So Marcus sets him free, and this would have been fairly straightforward and just bromantic had they not looked like this the whole time
Plot stuff happens, they are victorious, and Esca and Marcus are bffs and shit. Or Marcus marries a girl named Cottia. Or Marcus and Esca buy a horse farm together (alternate ending.) I....think I like the movieverse a lot better than the book, though I've heard it's even slashier and now I'm curious because how damn gay must it be to eclipse blatant het? Anyway, the movie ends and so does this pimp post because you should just watch this mediocre but slash-rich movie.
DOWNLOAD AND BE AMAZED