Why?
I guess some things just aren't meant to be understood in life. As curious as I am I believe I have finally decided to concede and walk away. Something that at one point of my life was a highlight has managed to take an absolute turn for the worst and literally emotionally destroy me. Why? What did I ever do to you? Why am I deserving of all this? Part of it is my problem in the sense that when she left I couldn't ever really let her go. So after finding out that she got into bed with a couple other guys, I felt like I was cheated on. I shouldn't have felt that way, but I couldn't help it because of the emotional attachment I still had. I just wish it was so easy to let go, but when your so in love with someone and you value your relationship with them so much it doesn't seem to be easy especially when your relationship with that person ends very unexpectedly. I think what makes this the worst is that I was trying so hard to try and trust her and open up emotionally again, but everytime I turn around I find out something else that makes me close myself off to her that much more. I mean ask yourself this question; would you want to try to trust and be with someone that has a little feeling for one guy, and enough feeling for another guy to still be on an intimate level with him?
I just don't get it. I was so good to her, I would have done anything to be with her and be happy, but life will teach you as it has taught me that unless both people are on the exact same level "anything" isn't even enough. When it's all said and done regardless of who you are you cannot make someone be with you at least on an emotional level. I feel abandoned again. My trust broken. My faith wiped away and the whole time I have to swollow the fact that part of me still loves her. Where many souls would have vanished into the night, mine stood by her, hoping that everything she said would work out. I'm confused, I don't know if it's a curse or a blessing, but something always makes me stand by her side and say that it will be okay, and that everything will work out.
A good test of a man's character is to see what he can perservere and trimuph through. To see if his candle still burns after the storm. That's where I feel i'm at right now, in the middle of the storm, and it doesn't look good. What candle can stay lit with five gallons of water being poured on it with the complement of 100 mile an hour winds without any sort of shelter? Maybe i'll be a first, who knows? The hardest part is knowing that the only thing left is the flicker of a candle. Looking back and seeing what used to be a love and desire that burned so brightly it would put most forest fires to shame, be reduced to nothing more than the flicker of a candle is tough to digest. All I can say is that I never in my life expected everything to go down the way it did, and for me to left as bad of an emotional wreck as I am. I just don't think it's fair, but I can't do a goddamned thing about it. For a change it's not what I did onto others, it's what others did onto me.
So have at her boys. Try to be with her, try to get with her, fuck her over like you always do, and make me look even better than I do now. Either way I can't truly be there for her until she gets all of you out of her system. I can't see myself ever trusting her until I know she's done with all of you, because I can clearly see that until she is the potential for something to flair up and happen is always going to be there. When her emotional attachment for you is severed without redemption and I don't have to worry about her moving on, crawling back, staying the night, or messing around with you again, then maybe, just maybe i'll feel as if I can trust her again. You have the upper hand because I refuse to let the ball be in my court. I will not take control of the situation as I usually would. She doesn't want it to be about her all the time, but when it was about me even part of the time that ended up being too much and I was left with nothing but tears and the sight of seeing her move on and then come back to you.
So I will ride into the night, into the battle, not knowing what lies ahead, only knowing that if something doesn't kill me along the way I will return stronger than ever.
I just don't get it. I was so good to her, I would have done anything to be with her and be happy, but life will teach you as it has taught me that unless both people are on the exact same level "anything" isn't even enough. When it's all said and done regardless of who you are you cannot make someone be with you at least on an emotional level. I feel abandoned again. My trust broken. My faith wiped away and the whole time I have to swollow the fact that part of me still loves her. Where many souls would have vanished into the night, mine stood by her, hoping that everything she said would work out. I'm confused, I don't know if it's a curse or a blessing, but something always makes me stand by her side and say that it will be okay, and that everything will work out.
A good test of a man's character is to see what he can perservere and trimuph through. To see if his candle still burns after the storm. That's where I feel i'm at right now, in the middle of the storm, and it doesn't look good. What candle can stay lit with five gallons of water being poured on it with the complement of 100 mile an hour winds without any sort of shelter? Maybe i'll be a first, who knows? The hardest part is knowing that the only thing left is the flicker of a candle. Looking back and seeing what used to be a love and desire that burned so brightly it would put most forest fires to shame, be reduced to nothing more than the flicker of a candle is tough to digest. All I can say is that I never in my life expected everything to go down the way it did, and for me to left as bad of an emotional wreck as I am. I just don't think it's fair, but I can't do a goddamned thing about it. For a change it's not what I did onto others, it's what others did onto me.
So have at her boys. Try to be with her, try to get with her, fuck her over like you always do, and make me look even better than I do now. Either way I can't truly be there for her until she gets all of you out of her system. I can't see myself ever trusting her until I know she's done with all of you, because I can clearly see that until she is the potential for something to flair up and happen is always going to be there. When her emotional attachment for you is severed without redemption and I don't have to worry about her moving on, crawling back, staying the night, or messing around with you again, then maybe, just maybe i'll feel as if I can trust her again. You have the upper hand because I refuse to let the ball be in my court. I will not take control of the situation as I usually would. She doesn't want it to be about her all the time, but when it was about me even part of the time that ended up being too much and I was left with nothing but tears and the sight of seeing her move on and then come back to you.
So I will ride into the night, into the battle, not knowing what lies ahead, only knowing that if something doesn't kill me along the way I will return stronger than ever.