Some more thoughts...
I've been thinking a lot lately... about life, specifically mine, and where it's headed. These last few years have been a real soul-searching adventure for me.
I've learned a lot about myself, as well as others, mainly those who I thought cared about me. I say this because I realize there have been people in my life that haven't really cared about my well-being... but just themselves. This is not a selfish mindset... so let me explain. If I give myself 100% to you... and you do the same... we're both covered, in a sense. I'm always watching you back and your always watching mine. We've always got someone who'll care for us when we're down and out.
And this brings me to a big emotional 'wall' in my life. It's not really about blame... but if anyone is pointing fingers, point them at me. With family aside, there's only been one person in my life that I could really say had my back, no matter what. I guess thats why it's so hard to get over the fact that I turned my back on her. It's probably also the reason why I've had a hell-of-a-time getting over my actions.
It's not always about moving on... but really about learning from the past so it doesn't come back to haunt me in the future. I can't say as I would ever want to forget what we had... but sometimes, it's heart-breaking to think about it.
As with most critical wounds... they don't heal quickly. There's usually a long recovery process associated with the injury. My injury is not external, so it takes even more time to heal. I'm quite thankful of the people around me patient enough to deal with my antics while this recovery process is happening. I can honestly say that I've never really been myself since it happened...
Like a part of me died.
Mourning isn't an easy thing. Anyone who's ever lost a love one knows how hard a battle it is.
All things aside, I believe I'm at a point in my life that I need to be in. I feel myself being drawn to certain godly things... of which I must pursue.
On a lighter note, here's another Rascal Flatts song thats been stuck in my head lately.
Rascal Flatts - These Days
Hey baby, is that you?
Wow, your hair got so long.
Yeah, yeah, I love it, I really do.
Norma Jean, ain't that the song we'd sing in the car
Drivin' downtown, top down, makin' the rounds
Checking out the bands on Doheny Avenue.
Yeah, life throws you curves,
But you learn to swerve,
Me, I swung and I missed,
And the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing...
Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes,
Like you would be back again.
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home,
Check the phone, just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doin' these days.
Yeah that's what I'm doin'
Someone told me, after college, you ran off to Vegas,
You married a rodeo cowboy,
WOW, that ain't the girl I knew,
Me, I've been a few places,
Mostly here and there once or twice,
Still sortin' out life, but I'm doin' all right,
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
Well, hey girl you're late, and those planes, they don't wait,
But if you ever come back around this sleepy old town,
Promise me you'll stop in, to see an old friend, and until then
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home,
Check the phone, just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doin' these...
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then
I've learned a lot about myself, as well as others, mainly those who I thought cared about me. I say this because I realize there have been people in my life that haven't really cared about my well-being... but just themselves. This is not a selfish mindset... so let me explain. If I give myself 100% to you... and you do the same... we're both covered, in a sense. I'm always watching you back and your always watching mine. We've always got someone who'll care for us when we're down and out.
And this brings me to a big emotional 'wall' in my life. It's not really about blame... but if anyone is pointing fingers, point them at me. With family aside, there's only been one person in my life that I could really say had my back, no matter what. I guess thats why it's so hard to get over the fact that I turned my back on her. It's probably also the reason why I've had a hell-of-a-time getting over my actions.
It's not always about moving on... but really about learning from the past so it doesn't come back to haunt me in the future. I can't say as I would ever want to forget what we had... but sometimes, it's heart-breaking to think about it.
As with most critical wounds... they don't heal quickly. There's usually a long recovery process associated with the injury. My injury is not external, so it takes even more time to heal. I'm quite thankful of the people around me patient enough to deal with my antics while this recovery process is happening. I can honestly say that I've never really been myself since it happened...
Like a part of me died.
Mourning isn't an easy thing. Anyone who's ever lost a love one knows how hard a battle it is.
All things aside, I believe I'm at a point in my life that I need to be in. I feel myself being drawn to certain godly things... of which I must pursue.
On a lighter note, here's another Rascal Flatts song thats been stuck in my head lately.
Rascal Flatts - These Days
Hey baby, is that you?
Wow, your hair got so long.
Yeah, yeah, I love it, I really do.
Norma Jean, ain't that the song we'd sing in the car
Drivin' downtown, top down, makin' the rounds
Checking out the bands on Doheny Avenue.
Yeah, life throws you curves,
But you learn to swerve,
Me, I swung and I missed,
And the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing...
Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes,
Like you would be back again.
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home,
Check the phone, just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doin' these days.
Yeah that's what I'm doin'
Someone told me, after college, you ran off to Vegas,
You married a rodeo cowboy,
WOW, that ain't the girl I knew,
Me, I've been a few places,
Mostly here and there once or twice,
Still sortin' out life, but I'm doin' all right,
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
Well, hey girl you're late, and those planes, they don't wait,
But if you ever come back around this sleepy old town,
Promise me you'll stop in, to see an old friend, and until then
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home,
Check the phone, just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doin' these...
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then