Ft Meyers Florida sucks the life right out of your veins
So, here I am at my parents' fancy schmancy house in Florida. I really have enjoyed, in the past, presenting portions of my life as a sort of Seinfeldian situation... little did I know that my LOVELY parents would assist me so much more by fufilling every stereotype of modern upper middle class Jewishness by purchasing a place here in Ft Meyers. I swear, their lives (and mine by association) have become a charicature. That CAN'T be a good thing, can it?
My brother David and I drove here from Atlanta on Wednesday after my father so thoughtfully flew me THERE instead of HERE from Houston so as to save what I approximate to be most likely less than a hundred dollars. Nathan, my youngest brother, wisely decided that coming down for the holiday was not as important as reserving a few shreds of self esteem and possibility for fun. Since Wednesday evening (after an ELEVEN hour car ride), the family (consisting this round of my parents, maternal grandparents, my brother and myself) has pretty much sat around playing with the various electronic devices my father has deemed necessary for survival. What, exactly, IS a plasma TV anyway???
We wake up before 8am for breakfast where we discuss important things like whether the weather is condusive to golfing and what we will be eating for lunch. If things REALLY get going that early, we sometimes also discuss dinner plans. After breakfast, everyone sort of mills about and people begin to make their plans for the day which may or may not include shell gathering beach excursions, buying new golf clubs, or possibly stopping off for a snack. Soon we find ourselves at the lunch table.
Lunch is primarily, it seems, designed as a way to draw a line between non-appropriate and appropriate drinking times. Being the only member of the currently present family who does NOT think that drinking is a highly skilled sporting event, at this point I generally defend the amount of soda that I have consumed. You'd think that they'd be pleased as punch to save a buck or two on alcoholic beverages... well, if you think that then you REALLY don't know my family. See, the thing is that HERE, my drinking habits (or lack thereof) are somehow deemed to be a severe personality flaw that should be addressed thoroghly through the use of sarcastic and "well, guess you don't want any of this pie, Sarah, it might have RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM in it" comments. Yes, I feel mightily ashamed. The main discussion at lunch, however, is ~ of course ~ what we will be having for dinner.
What comes after lunch, then? Well, it is at that point that we enter the long dark afternoon of wandering aimlessly about the 2 bedroom house and attempting to avoid any sort of craptastic conversations that would (and have) undoubtedly lead to statements designed for no other reason than to make me feel unaccomplished, untalented, unattractive and generally icky.
Just so you know, by the time dinner rolls around, everyone is so incredibly drunk that there is no talk of future meals... just an immense amount of negative discussion about any and all family members not present. Now, some people might want to comment on the fact that I, at times, come across as a bit of a Negative Nelly (though, hopefully they wouldn't use that terminology because its really annoying and I'm even kind of annoyed at myself for letting it fly off of my fingers) when it comes to other people. To those people I can only say, "You have NO FREAKING IDEA." Really. I mean it.
I can't wait to get home. Sure, there may be a serious lack of food or money or transportation... but at least when I'm there I FEEEEEEEEEEEL a hair or two better about myself.
~Sarah
My brother David and I drove here from Atlanta on Wednesday after my father so thoughtfully flew me THERE instead of HERE from Houston so as to save what I approximate to be most likely less than a hundred dollars. Nathan, my youngest brother, wisely decided that coming down for the holiday was not as important as reserving a few shreds of self esteem and possibility for fun. Since Wednesday evening (after an ELEVEN hour car ride), the family (consisting this round of my parents, maternal grandparents, my brother and myself) has pretty much sat around playing with the various electronic devices my father has deemed necessary for survival. What, exactly, IS a plasma TV anyway???
We wake up before 8am for breakfast where we discuss important things like whether the weather is condusive to golfing and what we will be eating for lunch. If things REALLY get going that early, we sometimes also discuss dinner plans. After breakfast, everyone sort of mills about and people begin to make their plans for the day which may or may not include shell gathering beach excursions, buying new golf clubs, or possibly stopping off for a snack. Soon we find ourselves at the lunch table.
Lunch is primarily, it seems, designed as a way to draw a line between non-appropriate and appropriate drinking times. Being the only member of the currently present family who does NOT think that drinking is a highly skilled sporting event, at this point I generally defend the amount of soda that I have consumed. You'd think that they'd be pleased as punch to save a buck or two on alcoholic beverages... well, if you think that then you REALLY don't know my family. See, the thing is that HERE, my drinking habits (or lack thereof) are somehow deemed to be a severe personality flaw that should be addressed thoroghly through the use of sarcastic and "well, guess you don't want any of this pie, Sarah, it might have RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM in it" comments. Yes, I feel mightily ashamed. The main discussion at lunch, however, is ~ of course ~ what we will be having for dinner.
What comes after lunch, then? Well, it is at that point that we enter the long dark afternoon of wandering aimlessly about the 2 bedroom house and attempting to avoid any sort of craptastic conversations that would (and have) undoubtedly lead to statements designed for no other reason than to make me feel unaccomplished, untalented, unattractive and generally icky.
Just so you know, by the time dinner rolls around, everyone is so incredibly drunk that there is no talk of future meals... just an immense amount of negative discussion about any and all family members not present. Now, some people might want to comment on the fact that I, at times, come across as a bit of a Negative Nelly (though, hopefully they wouldn't use that terminology because its really annoying and I'm even kind of annoyed at myself for letting it fly off of my fingers) when it comes to other people. To those people I can only say, "You have NO FREAKING IDEA." Really. I mean it.
I can't wait to get home. Sure, there may be a serious lack of food or money or transportation... but at least when I'm there I FEEEEEEEEEEEL a hair or two better about myself.
~Sarah