I am cold against your skin, you are perfectly reflected [forward-dated to Thurs]

[allmydiredreams]

[OOC: Pretend this totally happens Thursday; I just won't be around during the day tomorrow so I figured I'd throw it up here now. :)]

The Crown Fountain is one of the few things about the weird amalgamation that is Grant and Millenium Park that hasn't been destroyed, by some miracle. It's still there, the extra-large faces still spitting out

Comments

[pplrunincircles]

The last two weeks have been very weird for Elizabeth. She feels more like herself than she has for the past few days, which is comforting. Every time she starts to feel like she did (the panic and loss and darkness and weight), there's a moment that feels like she won't come out of it, but then she does. The moment passes. The feelings pass, and she can compartmentalize again.

It is nice to feel like herself once more. It's nice to feel the ground under her feet, in a sense.

"Hey," Elizabeth says when she sees Kaden outside. She waves her hand and smiles. "You're not usually outside, but it's... not usually been so nice out either, huh?"

It will honestly take her a moment (or 50) to notice the bird or the way that his eyes look. For all that she's changed, being almost completely unperceptive of her surroundings remains.

[doyoulikecake]

Kaden looks up and smiles when she approaches, ever the picture of himself -- and that's what it is, at this point, just a picture. He's sure he probably slept at some point last night, or at least zoned out for a bit, because he doesn't remember the entire night or writing half of what he found in his notebooks when Lily came upstairs and started making coffee.

"Hey kiddo," he says, but doesn't get up. "I figured I'd take a little break, enjoy what you strange, midwestern people call 'nice' instead of sitting in the library." He chuckles, but it's cut short, like he's not sure he should even be laughing at that.

So he turns his attention back to the bird. "How've you been holding up, since the attack?" he asks. His mind is flitting between the anatomy of the sparrow, the wanderer he ran into the other day, Elizabeth's Calling, his cousin's breakdown, how tired he is...on and on and on. Maybe her answer will give him something else to work with, to keep everything from spiraling around and getting muddled.

[pplrunincircles]

"This is totally nice for Chicago. I mean, if you compare almost everything to the winter, it's... nice," Elizabeth says, walking closer and sinking on to the step next to him.

She does notice the red in his eyes, because she's closer. It's habit to always look everyone in the eyes. Just in case... If they're dying, she needs to be there. She will be there. She won't let anyone die alone, especially someone she cares about. It's not his death that she sees. It's how read his eyes are.

"Are you okay?" The concern translates easily to her expression. "You look... tired."

Elizabeth blinks. It takes her a moment to remember what he's talking about and then she does. "Okay. It's been... really weird these past couple of weeks, but I don't think that has anything to do with the attack. I mean, helping people die is-- It's what I do. It's what I know." It's really, really heavy after awhile, after so many people dying, as much as she knows that she's doing good and that it would have been worse if she hadn't been there, but- It's now

[doyoulikecake]

Kaden tilts his head for a moment. He knows he can't hide everything, and that right now is worse than it has been for a few days. It's just a little surprising to him that Elizabeth picked up on it. Then again, he is so tired. Maybe tonight he'll get a bit of actual sleep. "I'm an insomniac," he says, shrugging it off like it's no big deal. "It's just been a little worse lately

[pplrunincircles]

Elizabeth only noticed, because she pays attention to eyes. Always. And his are looking much redder than usual. "Sorry to hear that," she says, wrinkling her nose. "I've been a while without sleep before, probably not nearly as much as you have, and it still was like-- It was pretty horrible. I love sleep."

She rarely remembers her dreams or nightmares, because she uses up so much energy (emotional, physical, and mental) during the day that it's a little like passing out every evening. It's nice. Plus, there's usually a Josef there, too. He's warm and safe and closeEverything makes sense in bed. ...that came out wrong

[doyoulikecake]

Kaden shrugs again. "I'm pretty good at not sleeping," he says. "Hard to be a Badass Motherfucker by night if you're asleep for most of it."

He's still smiling when she reaches out to pet the bird, though his casual, joking smile has fallen back into the weird little one he had when he was contemplating the bird before she arrived. His shoulders are itching. Stupid wings. He hasn't let them out in so long, so it only makes sense that they'd be bothering him, but still. They're in public.

Not thinking about that. He shifts on the step, so he can lean on the step above them and somewhat hide the fact that when they weren't being supported by anything, his arms had started to shake. The speed's wearing off, sure, but the amount of caffeine in his system won't let him stay still for a minute. Never mind the fact that he can't remember what he ate since breakfast.

"How many people have you helped die?" he asks. The bird, as if sensing the topic, lets out another distressed chirp.

[pplrunincircles]

"Yeah, I guess that's right," Elizabeth agrees, laughing. She's still concerned, and it shows. It can't be healthy not to sleep, even she knows that. "I'm not a Bad A. M. Effer by night or day so I wouldn't know."

She focuses on the bird when she pets it. It's enough of a distraction that soon she's likely to forget about her concern, at least for the moment. Her fingers stroke it, and she doesn't notice the change in his smile.

Elizabeth doesn't flinch at the question. Her smile faces into something indescribable, serious, but not necessarily sad. No one has ever asked her that question before, but she doesn't have to think to answer it. "Seventy people."

It's always there. They're always there along with everything else. She remembers every single one of them as if they happened earlier in the day and not spread out over the past year.

"No one's ever asked me that question before," she admits with a small smile that's not without its seriousness. "Why did you... ask?"

[doyoulikecake]

Kaden's watching carefully, taking in her reaction, the way she's serious but not sad. The way that makes her face change; he's seen serious Elizabeth faces before, but they were usually in conjunction with something she was trying to figure out, not with this sort of thing. The way she doesn't have to think when she answers

[pplrunincircles]

Elizabeth does not notice the weirdness of his smile. It may be, because she trusts him. It may be, because she likes him and doesn't want to see the weirdness in any look he might have. It's hard to tell.

She's still smiling, serious. The angel has taken over, and it's a different frame of mind but somehow the same.

"I think it depends on how you face it. Face them, I guess. Death and your calling. I don't really know though. I've never met another Angel of Death. I would like to," Elizabeth says. "Because it would be nice to have someone else that understands, but then... I guess no one can really understand what's going on inside yourself but you

[doyoulikecake]

Kaden listens, still watching her face, keeping the bird's wing out as he does. He busies his fingers with feeling out each bone in the wing, so he won't pull out a notebook and start writing. He's trained himself into having a good memory for a reason: he can't be writing all the time. Sometimes he wishes he'd remember to use his voice recorder more

[pplrunincircles]

Elizabeth wishes that she could meet another Angel of Death. It might be eye opening. She could learn so much, even if they didn't agree. Wouldn't it be strange if they didn't agree? She started out thinking that there was only one way to look at her calling, that it was the way that it's meant to be looked at, that everyone looked at it like that (past, future, present).

"I don't know. I believe everyone is cut out for it. Everyone has the strength to be who they want to be, but sometimes we get lost along the way."

She says we, because she's been lost before. She still gets lost, more and more often as time goes on. It's not so much getting lost in the world anymore, but lost in herself, losing herself and not knowing where or how to stand

[doyoulikecake]

"Sometimes it's less about accomplishments," he says, looking over at Elizabeth again. The smile finally drops off his face for a moment, and he's utterly serious as he continues, "I fear it because there's so much my Calling demands from me that I don't feel like I would have fulfilled it properly if I were to die tomorrow. Or even in the next couple of years." Or decades. Kaden would really prefer to just live as long as he possibly could and learn equally as much. But then, it's probably an AoK thing

[pplrunincircles]

"Then you'll probably always fear it, because you'll never feel like you've fulfilled your calling. I mean, there's always something more, right? There's always more to know," Elizabeth says, biting down on her lower lip as she considers this calling business. It rarely makes sense to her. "I mean, it kinda depends on the person, doesn't it? Some people don't embrace their callings. Even though no one can escape it completely, some people don't... go all in. How much choice do we have? It's confusing."

It's not like she can really judge anyone for not embracing it. It isn't fair that they were given these callings without choice, without much extra help beyond their strength. She embraces hers, because it's her destiny. It's her role in the world.

It is her, and she doesn't know how to be anything else. Even if she lost the other parts of herself, the angel would remain. Always. It's the only thing that could never be stripped from her

[doyoulikecake]

"Very probably," Kaden agrees. "I already feel like I could go a lifetime and not get what I needed to do done. Maybe it's not that way for people who fight the Calling, or for someone with a different one." It's something he's interested in finding out, someday, even if it's not quite down his Calling's line of research. Doesn't mean it's not interesting, and he can always bend Calling research to fit his own when need be. Like now, to point out a very informal example

[pplrunincircles]

Elizabeth nods. She doesn't really know, which is why she asks, but she figures if anyone would know, it'd be him. It'd be him or Josef. It's why she is more likely to go to them with questions than anyone else. They know so much more than anyone else that she's ever met, at least that's the way that it seems.

She looks at him for a moment. The uncertainty in her expression remains even a moment into his laugh, but then a smile slips across her face. The bird is flying away. Her chest relaxes as relief floods through her. It seems silly to have jumped to such a conclusion. She laughs, too. It comes easily enough, especially considering what they were just talking about.

"Sorry! I don't know why... I thought--" She stops herself from actually saying the words and then wrinkles her nose, waving a hand. "It's okay. The topic is on my mind a lot, too. ObviouslyHer finger twirls a strand of hair around it, and she nods. "Yeah, we can. Should probably get the actual session underway, huh? I totally did my homework. Do- ...Are you sure

[doyoulikecake]

Kaden finally does get up after her, swaying a bit and frowning at himself. It's always annoying when other people notice. But he steadies himself on the nearby railing for a moment and then picks up his bag, swinging it onto a shoulder. "Yeah, I'm okay," he lies. He'll be okay in a bit. "Though I should probably lay off the caffeine for a little bit. I'll grab a candy bar or something out of the vending machines when we go in