You Always Do This!
Well, I've spent the last two weeks at home relaxing and working on a new play. The progress on this new play has been significantly stunted, however, by movies and television. Most of my time has been spent catching up on the first two seasons of Lost and watching films, the latest of which being Waitress, which I highly recommend. Andy Griffith's performance is priceless and it was fun watching leclowne's mom on the big screen. I didn't know she was going to be in the film but I recognized her instantly.
Anyhow, I'm currently working on "Shed of the Dead", the first of a series of four one-act plays, which I aim to complete over the summer. I'd like to have them performed all together at some point in a night of one-acts tentatively titled Gallery of Fantasy. They're very strongly inspired by television shows like The Twilight Zone, radio programs such as Escape and adult fiction by Roald Dahl. I don't want to say much more for fear that I'll jinx the project, but now that I've announced this endeavor it provides me with that much more of an incentive to actually go through with it. There's nothing like telling someone about a project you're working on only to have to tell them later that you never finished it. I hate that.
Below is a scene I wrote for Lampoon's "Choose Your Own Apocalypse" show. Owen and I had to rehearse for hours in order to get our performance just right, and after you read the script I think you'll understand why. It was also really hard to figure out how to correctly format this scene for LiveJournal, so I hope it works for everyone.
“Double Date”
The location? A charming restaurant. KRISTEN and KAREN, two beautiful young women,
sit across from one another. KRISTEN is excited but KAREN is anxious.
KRISTEN
Isn’t this great? The restaurant is gorgeous!
KAREN
I know Kristen but do you think this a good idea? A double blind date?
KRISTEN
Karen, honey, you’ve got to wake up. This is the new millennium.
Internet dating is how you meet people. And you’re going to love these guys.
They’re twins.
KAREN
Twins?
KRISTEN
Twins. Oh, I think this is them.
DOUG and DALE enter.
Hello boys.
DOUG and DALE
Hello ladies, a pleasure to meet you.
KRISTEN
The feeling is mutual. Please, sit down.
DOUG and DALE
Don’t mind if we do!
DOUG and DALE sit down in unison. In fact, every move they make is done in perfect
harmony.
You must be Kristen and Karen. We’re Doug and Dale. I’m Doug (Dale),
and he’s Dale (Doug). We’re twins!
DOUG and DALE laugh and high-five. They reach for their drinks and take a sip.
KAREN
Do you always do that?
DOUG and DALE
What?
KAREN
Talk at the same time. Is this a joke or something?
DOUG and DALE
(They chuckle) Allow us to explain. When our mother gave birth to us we were
born conjoined at the brain. We were separated by disjunctive surgery shortly
thereafter, but ever since we have shared a telepathic connection. Though our
bodies are separate our minds are one. Every word we speak, every action we take,
is made in perfect agreement.
KRISTEN
That is so interesting. (aside to KAREN) So, what do you think?
KAREN
I don’t know -
KRISTEN
I like the quiet one.
KAREN
Kristen, this is insane. They’re the same person.
KRISTEN
What are you talking about? Doug is totally the dominant one. He’s got that strong,
assertive voice. And I think he likes you.
KAREN looks to DOUG and DALE. They give her a flirtatious nod.
KAREN
Well, they are cute, but they’re inseparable! They’re like two peas in a pod.
Can you imagine coming between them?
The girls imagine this.
(to DOUG and DALE) So, you two must do everything together.
A WAITRESS enters.
WAITRESS
Hello everyone. Good evening and welcome to Gemini’s. Today is Two-For-Two Tuesdays
so our soup du jour is Two Bean Soup and for dessert we have Double Dutch Scones.
Y’all ready to order?
DOUG and DALE place two fingers on each temple and have a telepathic conversation.
THEY turn to the WAITRESS.
DOUG and DALE
Indeed we are!
THEY open their menus and clear their throats.
Tonight I will have the Chicken Finger BLT with french fries, melted Pepper Jack cheese
and honey mustard mayo on the side. For desert I will have the -
DOUG DALE
Apple Waffle Crunch. Peanut Butter Swirl.
DOUG and DALE share a look and turn back to the WAITRESS.
I will have the I will have the
Apple Waffle - Peanut Butter -
DOUG and DALE stare at each other with daggers in their eyes.
DOUG and DALE
(to WAITRESS) Excuse us.
DOUG and DALE turn away to speak privately.
DOUG DALE
Dale, I thought we agreed that we Doug, I thought we agreed that we
would have the Apple Waffle Crunch. Would have the Peanut Butter Swirl.
We always have the Peanut Butter We always have the Apple Waffle
Swirl, tonight I told you I wanted to try Crunch, tonight I told you I wanted to
the Apple Waffle Crunch. Why do we try the Peanut Butter Swirl. Why do we
always have to eat what you want to always have to eat what you want to
eat? You always do this! eat? You always do this!
KAREN
It’s not really a big deal -
DOUG DALE
Stay out of this, wench. Mom always Stay out of this, wench. Mom always
liked me best. You have always been liked you best. I have always been the
the black sheep of the family. You black sheep of the family. I never do
never do anything for yourself; all you anything for myself; all I ever do is ride
ever do is ride on my coattails. Well on your coattails. Well I’ve had
I’ve had enough! I’m tired of sharing enough! I’m tired of sharing the
the spotlight. From now on it’s going spotlight. From now on it’s going to be
to be me, me, me! We both walked into me, me, me! We both walked into this
this restaurant but only one of us is restaurant but only one of us is
walking out! walking out!
DOUG and DALE engage in hand-to-hand combat, but their identical moves neutralize one
another. Finally, they grab knives from the dinner table. With a barbaric roar they stab
one another in the heart. They slowly begin to sink to their knees as they die.
DOUG and DALE
Gotcha.
DOUG and DALE fall to the ground, dead. KRISTEN, KAREN and the WAITRESS are bewildered.
WAITRESS
And what can I get the two of you?
KRISTEN and KAREN
Check please.
The End.
Cast of Characters:
DOUG...Owen Scott
DALE...Ross Wade
KRISTEN...Erica Steiner
KAREN...Daryl Ellerbe
WAITRESS...Rory O'Toole
Anyhow, I'm currently working on "Shed of the Dead", the first of a series of four one-act plays, which I aim to complete over the summer. I'd like to have them performed all together at some point in a night of one-acts tentatively titled Gallery of Fantasy. They're very strongly inspired by television shows like The Twilight Zone, radio programs such as Escape and adult fiction by Roald Dahl. I don't want to say much more for fear that I'll jinx the project, but now that I've announced this endeavor it provides me with that much more of an incentive to actually go through with it. There's nothing like telling someone about a project you're working on only to have to tell them later that you never finished it. I hate that.
Below is a scene I wrote for Lampoon's "Choose Your Own Apocalypse" show. Owen and I had to rehearse for hours in order to get our performance just right, and after you read the script I think you'll understand why. It was also really hard to figure out how to correctly format this scene for LiveJournal, so I hope it works for everyone.
“Double Date”
The location? A charming restaurant. KRISTEN and KAREN, two beautiful young women,
sit across from one another. KRISTEN is excited but KAREN is anxious.
KRISTEN
Isn’t this great? The restaurant is gorgeous!
KAREN
I know Kristen but do you think this a good idea? A double blind date?
KRISTEN
Karen, honey, you’ve got to wake up. This is the new millennium.
Internet dating is how you meet people. And you’re going to love these guys.
They’re twins.
KAREN
Twins?
KRISTEN
Twins. Oh, I think this is them.
DOUG and DALE enter.
Hello boys.
DOUG and DALE
Hello ladies, a pleasure to meet you.
KRISTEN
The feeling is mutual. Please, sit down.
DOUG and DALE
Don’t mind if we do!
DOUG and DALE sit down in unison. In fact, every move they make is done in perfect
harmony.
You must be Kristen and Karen. We’re Doug and Dale. I’m Doug (Dale),
and he’s Dale (Doug). We’re twins!
DOUG and DALE laugh and high-five. They reach for their drinks and take a sip.
KAREN
Do you always do that?
DOUG and DALE
What?
KAREN
Talk at the same time. Is this a joke or something?
DOUG and DALE
(They chuckle) Allow us to explain. When our mother gave birth to us we were
born conjoined at the brain. We were separated by disjunctive surgery shortly
thereafter, but ever since we have shared a telepathic connection. Though our
bodies are separate our minds are one. Every word we speak, every action we take,
is made in perfect agreement.
KRISTEN
That is so interesting. (aside to KAREN) So, what do you think?
KAREN
I don’t know -
KRISTEN
I like the quiet one.
KAREN
Kristen, this is insane. They’re the same person.
KRISTEN
What are you talking about? Doug is totally the dominant one. He’s got that strong,
assertive voice. And I think he likes you.
KAREN looks to DOUG and DALE. They give her a flirtatious nod.
KAREN
Well, they are cute, but they’re inseparable! They’re like two peas in a pod.
Can you imagine coming between them?
The girls imagine this.
(to DOUG and DALE) So, you two must do everything together.
A WAITRESS enters.
WAITRESS
Hello everyone. Good evening and welcome to Gemini’s. Today is Two-For-Two Tuesdays
so our soup du jour is Two Bean Soup and for dessert we have Double Dutch Scones.
Y’all ready to order?
DOUG and DALE place two fingers on each temple and have a telepathic conversation.
THEY turn to the WAITRESS.
DOUG and DALE
Indeed we are!
THEY open their menus and clear their throats.
Tonight I will have the Chicken Finger BLT with french fries, melted Pepper Jack cheese
and honey mustard mayo on the side. For desert I will have the -
DOUG DALE
Apple Waffle Crunch. Peanut Butter Swirl.
DOUG and DALE share a look and turn back to the WAITRESS.
I will have the I will have the
Apple Waffle - Peanut Butter -
DOUG and DALE stare at each other with daggers in their eyes.
DOUG and DALE
(to WAITRESS) Excuse us.
DOUG and DALE turn away to speak privately.
DOUG DALE
Dale, I thought we agreed that we Doug, I thought we agreed that we
would have the Apple Waffle Crunch. Would have the Peanut Butter Swirl.
We always have the Peanut Butter We always have the Apple Waffle
Swirl, tonight I told you I wanted to try Crunch, tonight I told you I wanted to
the Apple Waffle Crunch. Why do we try the Peanut Butter Swirl. Why do we
always have to eat what you want to always have to eat what you want to
eat? You always do this! eat? You always do this!
KAREN
It’s not really a big deal -
DOUG DALE
Stay out of this, wench. Mom always Stay out of this, wench. Mom always
liked me best. You have always been liked you best. I have always been the
the black sheep of the family. You black sheep of the family. I never do
never do anything for yourself; all you anything for myself; all I ever do is ride
ever do is ride on my coattails. Well on your coattails. Well I’ve had
I’ve had enough! I’m tired of sharing enough! I’m tired of sharing the
the spotlight. From now on it’s going spotlight. From now on it’s going to be
to be me, me, me! We both walked into me, me, me! We both walked into this
this restaurant but only one of us is restaurant but only one of us is
walking out! walking out!
DOUG and DALE engage in hand-to-hand combat, but their identical moves neutralize one
another. Finally, they grab knives from the dinner table. With a barbaric roar they stab
one another in the heart. They slowly begin to sink to their knees as they die.
DOUG and DALE
Gotcha.
DOUG and DALE fall to the ground, dead. KRISTEN, KAREN and the WAITRESS are bewildered.
WAITRESS
And what can I get the two of you?
KRISTEN and KAREN
Check please.
The End.
Cast of Characters:
DOUG...Owen Scott
DALE...Ross Wade
KRISTEN...Erica Steiner
KAREN...Daryl Ellerbe
WAITRESS...Rory O'Toole