Caging the Beast

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald stripped naked, hanging his clothes on a tree branch and jumped right into the mountain water fed river. It was freezing cold. Just like he felt inside at the moment. He used sand from the bottom of the river to scrub his skin RAW. He wanted to just wash away all that pain, all the memories, all the part of his nature he hated

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[tino_suomi]

"I have no idea where to even start!" Mads griped, looking around himself. If he hadn't gone to the lake, where had the big idiot gone

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald's head whipped around and couldn't even speak before Tino as up to his neck in icy river water.

"Tino! What are you doing?" Berwald grabbed at his love as his clothes weighed him down and the current threatened to carry him right into the lake.

Berwald caught him up in his arms and held on tight as Tino was suddenly choking the life out of him in a tight hug around his neck.

He hadn't seen Siguard or Mathias yet coming to stand on the river bank and then sit on the fallen log that was acting as a hanger for Berwald's clothes.

[tino_suomi]

"He just ran right in, without even thinking about how heavy those wool clothes are when wet." Siguard sighed. Love could be so beautifully irrational. He understood Tino's desperate need to get to his love, completely thoughtless of the risks. Had he himself not leapt a chasm in the Underground for Mads? (Something the drunk didn't even remember

[berwaldsverige]

"Ti..." Berwald sighed and walked the the bank to get Tino out of the water. He effortlessly just walked up the bank carrying Tino like he weighed nothing at all, even thirty pounds heavier with water logged wool, and sat down, naked as the day he was born on the log to set Tino in his lap.

"Ti, I'm sorry you were worried. I just needed a minute to... collect myself and take a bath." Berwald hedged. More worried about a shivering Tino than himself at the moment.

"Take these wet things off. They'll just make you colder." Berwald said taking off Tino's sodden cloak, then ripping off Tino's tunic over his head rubbing Tino's arms to create friction and heat into shivering limbs.

"Askling, I'm sorry."

[tino_suomi]

"Stop it right there, one more 'sorry' and I'm gonna get mad at you." The Finn said, his teeth chattering a little (oh he was trying to hide it), but a smile did appear on his features. "I never want anything bad to happen to you." He added, stopping the Swede's motions so he could embrace the giant again. He was a furnace of warmth, but it wasn't for him, it was for Berwald. "Don't say you're sorry, I know why, but please. It's going to be alright, you're not alone. If something is scaring you or making you upset you can come to us

[berwaldsverige]

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you." Berwald apologized quietly. Holding Tino tightly, not caring a lick he was still naked, he never felt it, he was too concerned about Tino to even notice.

"I feel it. I always feel you Ti." Berwald whispered rocking Tino in his embrace, fighting more tears. Once again he had caused pain when he was just trying to keep others from worrying about him.

He needed to be strong for others, not wear his passionate, deep and sometimes violent emotions on his sleeve. Tino only worried about him when he was upset. Tino being distressed KILLED Berwald's very soul.

It was why he tried to hide away in private. Not let Tino worry. Never hurt, never upset, never distress Tino.

But he had anyway.

He was such a loser.

[tino_suomi]

"Berwald, you don't want to upset me, so you run away and try to hide while you hurt, but it's that very thing that makes me scared and worried. I would sooner see you come to me and be upset in front of me than to run away from me. Berwald, let me worry about you. Like you worry about me. When you're upset, let me hold you and tell you it's going to be okay. Don't run away from me Berwald, that's what upsets me the most." He said honestly, caressing the rough beginning of a beard on Berwald's chin... that fast growing troll beard. "You're too important to me. You'd never let me run away when I was hurting, you'd want me to come to you and tell you why I hurt, and let you help me make it better. So please let me do it for you, oh please let me." He signed, wrapping the cloak tighter around him and pressing his forehead into Berwald's cheek. "Tell me when you hurt. It upsets me that you try not to."

[berwaldsverige]

"I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to talk about that day. Tino couldn't make it better, only if he could turn back a clock and prevented the whole night from happening. Talking about it made the wound raw and bleeding all over again in his heart

[tino_suomi]

The Norwegian blinked at him and spoke cryptically. "I will try." Is all he said. What would he try? He wasn't quite sure yet. But there was a very important female who would be hearing from her many-times-great grandson soon, and he hoped beyond hope that she could provide for him some answers. But what Berwald didn't know, was that all people in this clearing but him were aware of his inner nature. Siguard released a sigh out of his nose before raising a hand to pat Berwald's arm

[tino_suomi]

The Finn shot the Norwegian a glare. How could he say that!? Right in front of Berwald! That wasn't going to help him in the slightest

[tino_suomi]

"Tino, Berwald cannot possibly come to us with all his pains, as much as you would like to give what you can of yourself to sooth them, that is just a matter that, as of yet, you don't have the power to face alone. You're a very small creature, and your abilities are still passive. Perhaps with time, age, practice and experience, but currently not now. You have to understand this better." The Finn chewed his lip. He knew what Siguard was talking about, and he closed his eyes as he remembered the one time he had flirted with the troll, when he had come with Berwald to separate the giant from his father. The troll had emerged to protect Berwald from that horrifying pain, but that troll was as enamored with Tino as Berwald was, but wasn't half as gentle. He'd encouraged a very hungry troll that evening, had welcomed him in an attempt to sooth Berwald's soul. It had landed him with bruises on his hips and legs, bite marks on his body, and a sore back for about two days. He'd not been as innocent, he'd scratched and clawed right back. But

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald sighed, cradling Tino. "I know you love me. I love you more than anything in this world. I know you're not afraid of me. That I think scares me most. What if in one of those moments where I lose the fight and black-out, what if you tried to stop me? What if I hurt you? I can't let that happen Tino. I CAN'T. It's because I love you I walk away to get control. I almost strangled Mads to death! I still feel terrible about it! When Siguard and Erik were in trouble, I can't even remember the fight. Not until I was shot. And then, there I was, covered in Gore and two lives were OVER because of me. I can't describe how much that terrifies me." Berwald shivered with cold dread, tears running down his face, praying Tino understood

[tino_suomi]

Tino shivered from the cold and the brevity of what he had learned about the world, himself, and Berwald in the passed half hour. What could he say to make it better? ... Nothing. There really was no magic words, no pixie dust he could sprinkle that would make it better. "I don't ever believe you could hurt me." He felt he had to say. "But I can understand." He added. Berwald's rage was destructive, he had killed to men and yes... he had nearly killed Mathias. (Who never seemed to hold it against the giant.) "I'll try not to be upset when you walk away. I'll try to understand. I don't think I can even comprehend what you're experiencing, I can only do my best to try to understand. I'm so sorry Berwald. I wish I could do something to make it better. It hurts so much that you have to suffer and I can't do anything to help you." The best he could do was just sit, wrapped in each other's arms and in each other's hold. Hold Berwald there so that they could feel and the warmth of their affection pass through their skin to skin contact like

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald couldn't help a small chuckle at Mathias. Cockasaurus? Well he was big he supposed but still, Mathias was a crude ass.

"That I can promise Askling. I'm sorry I worry you, all of you. I don't say it enough, but I love you all, even you Rovhal." Berwald said wiping the back of his hand across his cheeks to get rid of old tears. Feeling his scruffy beard on his chin.

"I'm certainly going to look like a troll before this vacation is over... no razors here." He added rubbing his chin. His damn beard grew like a weed on steroids.

[tino_suomi]

Mads groaned and rolled his eyes. "Really? Could you be more gay? ... Wait. No. Don't answer that." But he released his wolfish leer on Berwald again, yeah. Mads loved the big idiot in his own way too. He didn't say it often, but then again it was hard to get Mads to confess loving anything other than Siguard, Carlsberg and himself. He had to hide all his smooshy feelings under his macho asshole facade. Which he was perfectly fine. But the Dane started rubbing at his own face. "Oh yeah... no razors." As though he just realized it

[berwaldsverige]

"Yo Ho redbeard. We're coming." Berwald replied handing Tino his dry Tunic. it was MILES too big, but would cover all of Tino's bits and pieces and Siguard's cloak would cover the rest.

Berwald pulled on his pants and shoved his feet into his boots, putting his own socks on Tino's feet where he sat on the log. Then Berwald squatted. "Climb on my Back Askling. You're not walking in stocking feet." Berwald ordered it would be no chore to piggy back his love back to camp. Pine needles HURT on bare feet and would poke right through wool socks.