(no subject)
I feel like I'm always apologizing for the lateness of my updates. But I promise that it's not due to lack of motivation. I really want to get these chapters posted. Unfortunately it's been due to real life kicking my rear. Today's the first day I've had enough time to myself in order to get something of substance ready for posting. I wanted to put something more in-depth in this chapter, but it just didn't call for it. It IS important though, as a new character is introduced who I assure you will be very important for the duration of this story. I'm hoping that I won't have such a long delay between now and my next update. I don't want the readers I do have to forget the story. D: .. So, as always, feedback is adored. Thanks for being patient with me, guys! :D You all are awesome!
Title: Somewhere Out There (chapter eight)
Rating: PG for language, but that's about it.
“What is your name?”
“Alexandra Cabot.”
The response she gave warranted a sigh. Agent Hammond was beyond the point of frustrated. He had been grilling Alex about the details of her new life provided to her by the FBI for nearly an hour, and they weren’t really getting anywhere. Hammond gave her a look. Alex wasn’t an idiot. She was sharp as a nail, and he knew this was just a display of defiance on her part. “What is your name?” He asked, articulating each word in a display of his annoyance.
Alex said nothing. She did not want to do this. She’d go along with their charade to keep her safe, as it meant she might one day return to New York, to Olivia. But she wanted to keep her name. It was her name. Of course, she knew that was impossible. It wasn’t everyday you met someone named Alexandra Cabot. But she would be damned before she gave it up without a fight. That, and it was her own spiteful amusement to get beneath Hammond’s skin.
“Look, you know the drill. We’re talking about your life here,” he said. “I know this isn’t ideal, and I know it’s going to take some getting used to.”
“Getting used to?” Alex looked at him like he was from Mars. “You’re right, we are talking about my life here. My life. I have to live my life by your rules, under the guise of some boring, meaningless existence your people have concocted, in the hopes that I might do you a favor some day. I don’t want this life. I want my life.”
Hammond rubbed his temples, trying to keep himself from losing his temper. Alex had been a pain in his ass, a thorn in his side since he met her. But he couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, though he was going to be next to those shoes for a long time. Especially if she couldn’t get her story straight. Instead of arguing, he went back to the task at hand. “What is your name?”
Alex set her jaw and leaned back in her chair. Clearly she was annoyed, but she knew that the only way to be done with this was to go along with it. “Emily Williams.”
“Where do you work?”
“American Family Insurance.”
“Doing what?”
“Agency sales personnel.” Alex wanted to hurl herself out the hotel window at the thought. She could respect those who had the position, but she was an attorney. She’d worked her entire life to get where she’d been before, and now she was working as a personnel representative for an insurance company in Wausau, Wisconsin. Was she supposed to be happy about it? No one was treating her that way, and for that she was thankful. But she was going to have to tolerate the situation for not. Sighing, Alex decided to tell Hammond what he wanted to hear. She recited the detailed personal history that had been given to Emily Williams. She talked about her childhood, her schooling, her upbringing. She talked about her parents; her father died eight years ago of a heart attack and her mother had passed recently of natural causes. She had no siblings. Alex rattled off Emily’s likes and dislikes, mentally noting how most of them were opposite of her own tastes. It didn’t matter, though. She would deal with this and stay strong until she could go home to Olivia. The thought of being reunited with her detective was the fire burning within her giving her the strength she needed to get through this.
Hammond was satisfied. He wasn’t happy, but he typically wasn’t a very happy person so satisfied would have to do. He nodded. “Well, try to get some sleep. We’re going to be moving you in to your new home tomorrow morning. No more living out of hotel rooms for you. You’ll start working on Monday.”
Alex just nodded. She knew she wouldn’t be sleeping. They were just outside Wausau in a small hotel. It was too quiet for her to sleep. The sounds of New York City, the blaring of horns, the shouting of citizens outside, even when her neighbors were fighting, all of that was her lullaby. That, and the presence of Olivia beside her. Alex had enough trouble sleeping as it was, she didn’t know how she was going to adjust to sleeping alone again. When Hammond left, Alex sat on the uncomfortable hotel bed and tucked her knees beneath her. She felt incredibly alone. She looked up at the night sky, and wished on every star she could see that she would be able to go home. This would become a nightly ritual for her, she would soon come to find.
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Olivia was sitting at her desk, glaring at a file. Her temper was on the verge of boiling over. This case, as twisted as it was, was nothing they couldn’t handle. But a curveball had been thrown into their investigation and was really screwing everything up. The curveball’s name was Casey Novak. Olivia shut her eyes and recalled their initial meeting.
“Did your husband ever bring his work home with him?”
“No.”
“No? Then what are these?” Olivia surfaced with a case of various chemicals.
Kelly was stunned. “I.. I don’t know.”
“They look like pharmaceuticals to me,” someone else, a new voice, said. “They’re in the warrant. Bag it.”
Olivia found herself staring at a woman she’d never seen before. She was tall, pale, and her hair was a deep red. Her expression was serious, but showed hints of arrogance. Olivia’s expression was confused, with exaggerated hints of annoyance. “Who the hell are you?” She asked, staring at her.
Elliot heard the voice, saw the woman, and immediately recognized her. A little warning would’ve been great. Thanks, Cragen, he thought, clearing his throat. He decided to try to make the most of it by trying to spin this into a positive thing. “That’s our new ADA,” he said, then wished he’d phrased that with a little more tact for his partner’s sake. This wasn’t going to be an easy transition, he knew. Making his way over to the two women, he figured he’d make the introductions, since Olivia wasn’t making any indications of welcoming this new comer. “Casey Novak, Olivia Benson,” he gestured between the two. “Olivia, this is Casey Novak.”
Gripping her pencil, Olivia began to write some notes on the file. That stupid, arrogant bitch was ruining their case. Not only had she stepped on their toes during the search, she insisted on going with them to their next venture. What, didn’t she think they were capable? Novak had a lot of nerve to do something like that, especially as a new comer. Alex trusted us. She didn’t always like our methods, but she knew we could get the job done. Olivia thought, scribbling something else down on the file. On top of crossing the boundaries, Novak had also tried to force an ID out of an eight year old girl who had been traumatized by the man they were after. She pushed the girl so hard that she made a false ID and screwed their case to hell and back. After that, Novak had disappeared. Olivia was surprised she wasn’t still in the squad room barking orders at them.
“You okay?” Elliot asked from his desk across from her.
“Yep.” That was the only reply he would get from her. Olivia was clearly not okay.
“I’m just as pissed off as you are about this.”
Olivia looked up at him for a second, glared, then looked back down at her file. Her writing became even more intense, if that was possible.
“I know why you’re mad, Liv. No one’s giving this broad an easy time, here. She’s got some big shoes to fill and I think she’s-“
The lead of Olivia’s pencil snapped. Her eyes remained on the file for a moment as she struggled to swallow. Olivia had been fighting herself not to compare Casey’s methods to Alex’s out loud, though in her head it was all she’d been doing since they had been introduced. “I’m going for a walk,” she said in a low voice and stood up from her desk. She put on her coat and left the squad room without another word or waiting for Elliot’s response.
There was only one destination Olivia had in mind. I swear, if they gave her Alex’s office.. she couldn’t even finish the thought as she stormed through the familiar hall way. Thankfully, the bureau had more respect than that. Olivia saw the name “Casey Novak” written on another door. Without knocking, she opened the door and stepped in. She saw Casey sitting on the couch, apparently looking over her notes. No doubt she’s ready to grill some other child to the point of tears.. she thought, feeling her temper rise again. “Could you have been any tougher on that little girl?” She asked, her tone reflecting the anger she felt inside.
Casey, despite what her new colleagues thought, had been crying for the past half hour. What had she gotten herself into? She was in way over her head with this situation. She’d always had a respect for Alex Cabot’s work and how she made the job seem so easy to deal with, but she had a whole new appreciation for the departed attorney now, as well as the detectives she’d been assigned to work with; the detectives who hated her. And now one was shouting at her again. What was she supposed to say? The last person she wanted to see was the female detective who seemed to hate her the most. All she could do was attempt to compose herself and answer honestly. “I’m sorry.”
Olivia saw the look on Casey’s face. It was one she’d seen many times during her career. Cassidy had made it years ago before he left. Jefferies, too. Damnit.. she thought. That meant Casey actually had a conscience, she had a heart. She couldn’t yell at Casey anymore. At least, not right then. “Nobody thinks they can do this at first,” Olivia said, watching Casey rise from the couch and return to her desk. She kept her eyes on her, observing the red head as she tried to regain her professionalism. Olivia wasn’t buying it for a second. She told Casey it didn’t get any easier, she told her that no one could handle the children very easily.
It didn’t look like Casey was very happy with Olivia’s advice. She’d been wanting reassurance, to be told that it would get easier and that she was doing well. But that was naïve. Casey knew better. “So all this sickness and perversion..” Casey chewed her bottom lip for a second. “I mean, what do you say to your boyfriend when you go home at night?”
“I don’t actually have one,” Olivia replied, probably a little too quickly. Oh no, lady, we’re not going down this road. She wasn’t about to tell Casey about her relationship with Alex. She was only tolerating Casey out of kindness right now. She was still angry with her, she still didn’t like her, and she didn’t think Casey deserved to know anything about Alex. Their relationship was sacred, and this amateur had no idea what she was getting herself into.
“Because of the job?”
Olivia didn’t want to answer that, either. But she couldn’t just stay silent. “Well I try to date, and things go great until they ask what I do.” It wasn’t a lie. That was how things were before she met Alex. She went on to further cement her reasoning by talking about how her dates either freaked out or wanted to know too much. And when Casey made a comment about how it was probably easier for the male detectives, Olivia shot her down by telling her about her co-workers and how empty their lives were too.
Casey looked at Olivia, listening as she talked about how solitary their lives were. She couldn’t believe they all had endured this lifestyle for years, and she hadn’t even made it through her first case without crying. “Why do you guys do it?” She asked, feeling her composure starting to slip again as she looked into Olivia’s eyes.
Olivia saw the vulnerability in Casey. She’d been doing this long enough to read people, even when they were trying to hide how they were feeling. Casey was second guessing herself; she wasn’t sure she could handle the job. Alex was better at hiding her fears and if any shred of vulnerability dared to break through her exterior it was unspoken of. Everyone knew better. But insecurity was written all over Casey’s face in that moment. Olivia understood. This line of work wasn’t for everyone. Walking to Casey’s office, Olivia fully believed the red head wasn't cut out for it either. Back at the precinct they all had bets on how long she’d last. But as soon as she saw Casey sitting on that couch, broken and guilt-ridden, she knew they were all wrong. Casey had the heart for it. A sad smile crossed her lips. “Because somebody has to.” Nodding, she turned and left.
Casey watched the detective go. There was something about her that was intriguing. As much as they had already butted heads, and as much as she figured they all had doubts in her, Casey was smarter than they gave her credit for. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been offered the position. Casey knew that Olivia was trying to read through her, and while doing so Casey was doing the same. She could tell that Olivia was hiding some deeper pain behind her explanations of the lack of companionship in her life. It wasn’t any of her business, but she could tell it was there. Lowering down into her desk chair, Casey looked up at the ceiling. This had been one hell of a first case.
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The office was busy. Phones were ringing left and right. Agents were walking in and out of offices, hurrying about their business. It had been this way for most of the week, she had been told. It was her first day, and she’d never felt more like a fish out of water in her life. The woman who had been training her informed her that she would be on her own, now, but assured her that she was ready. When the phone rang, she stared at it for a moment, almost intimidated. Reaching out, she raised the receiver to her ear.
“American Family Insurance, this is Emily, how may I help you?”
Title: Somewhere Out There (chapter eight)
Rating: PG for language, but that's about it.
“What is your name?”
“Alexandra Cabot.”
The response she gave warranted a sigh. Agent Hammond was beyond the point of frustrated. He had been grilling Alex about the details of her new life provided to her by the FBI for nearly an hour, and they weren’t really getting anywhere. Hammond gave her a look. Alex wasn’t an idiot. She was sharp as a nail, and he knew this was just a display of defiance on her part. “What is your name?” He asked, articulating each word in a display of his annoyance.
Alex said nothing. She did not want to do this. She’d go along with their charade to keep her safe, as it meant she might one day return to New York, to Olivia. But she wanted to keep her name. It was her name. Of course, she knew that was impossible. It wasn’t everyday you met someone named Alexandra Cabot. But she would be damned before she gave it up without a fight. That, and it was her own spiteful amusement to get beneath Hammond’s skin.
“Look, you know the drill. We’re talking about your life here,” he said. “I know this isn’t ideal, and I know it’s going to take some getting used to.”
“Getting used to?” Alex looked at him like he was from Mars. “You’re right, we are talking about my life here. My life. I have to live my life by your rules, under the guise of some boring, meaningless existence your people have concocted, in the hopes that I might do you a favor some day. I don’t want this life. I want my life.”
Hammond rubbed his temples, trying to keep himself from losing his temper. Alex had been a pain in his ass, a thorn in his side since he met her. But he couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, though he was going to be next to those shoes for a long time. Especially if she couldn’t get her story straight. Instead of arguing, he went back to the task at hand. “What is your name?”
Alex set her jaw and leaned back in her chair. Clearly she was annoyed, but she knew that the only way to be done with this was to go along with it. “Emily Williams.”
“Where do you work?”
“American Family Insurance.”
“Doing what?”
“Agency sales personnel.” Alex wanted to hurl herself out the hotel window at the thought. She could respect those who had the position, but she was an attorney. She’d worked her entire life to get where she’d been before, and now she was working as a personnel representative for an insurance company in Wausau, Wisconsin. Was she supposed to be happy about it? No one was treating her that way, and for that she was thankful. But she was going to have to tolerate the situation for not. Sighing, Alex decided to tell Hammond what he wanted to hear. She recited the detailed personal history that had been given to Emily Williams. She talked about her childhood, her schooling, her upbringing. She talked about her parents; her father died eight years ago of a heart attack and her mother had passed recently of natural causes. She had no siblings. Alex rattled off Emily’s likes and dislikes, mentally noting how most of them were opposite of her own tastes. It didn’t matter, though. She would deal with this and stay strong until she could go home to Olivia. The thought of being reunited with her detective was the fire burning within her giving her the strength she needed to get through this.
Hammond was satisfied. He wasn’t happy, but he typically wasn’t a very happy person so satisfied would have to do. He nodded. “Well, try to get some sleep. We’re going to be moving you in to your new home tomorrow morning. No more living out of hotel rooms for you. You’ll start working on Monday.”
Alex just nodded. She knew she wouldn’t be sleeping. They were just outside Wausau in a small hotel. It was too quiet for her to sleep. The sounds of New York City, the blaring of horns, the shouting of citizens outside, even when her neighbors were fighting, all of that was her lullaby. That, and the presence of Olivia beside her. Alex had enough trouble sleeping as it was, she didn’t know how she was going to adjust to sleeping alone again. When Hammond left, Alex sat on the uncomfortable hotel bed and tucked her knees beneath her. She felt incredibly alone. She looked up at the night sky, and wished on every star she could see that she would be able to go home. This would become a nightly ritual for her, she would soon come to find.
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Olivia was sitting at her desk, glaring at a file. Her temper was on the verge of boiling over. This case, as twisted as it was, was nothing they couldn’t handle. But a curveball had been thrown into their investigation and was really screwing everything up. The curveball’s name was Casey Novak. Olivia shut her eyes and recalled their initial meeting.
“Did your husband ever bring his work home with him?”
“No.”
“No? Then what are these?” Olivia surfaced with a case of various chemicals.
Kelly was stunned. “I.. I don’t know.”
“They look like pharmaceuticals to me,” someone else, a new voice, said. “They’re in the warrant. Bag it.”
Olivia found herself staring at a woman she’d never seen before. She was tall, pale, and her hair was a deep red. Her expression was serious, but showed hints of arrogance. Olivia’s expression was confused, with exaggerated hints of annoyance. “Who the hell are you?” She asked, staring at her.
Elliot heard the voice, saw the woman, and immediately recognized her. A little warning would’ve been great. Thanks, Cragen, he thought, clearing his throat. He decided to try to make the most of it by trying to spin this into a positive thing. “That’s our new ADA,” he said, then wished he’d phrased that with a little more tact for his partner’s sake. This wasn’t going to be an easy transition, he knew. Making his way over to the two women, he figured he’d make the introductions, since Olivia wasn’t making any indications of welcoming this new comer. “Casey Novak, Olivia Benson,” he gestured between the two. “Olivia, this is Casey Novak.”
Gripping her pencil, Olivia began to write some notes on the file. That stupid, arrogant bitch was ruining their case. Not only had she stepped on their toes during the search, she insisted on going with them to their next venture. What, didn’t she think they were capable? Novak had a lot of nerve to do something like that, especially as a new comer. Alex trusted us. She didn’t always like our methods, but she knew we could get the job done. Olivia thought, scribbling something else down on the file. On top of crossing the boundaries, Novak had also tried to force an ID out of an eight year old girl who had been traumatized by the man they were after. She pushed the girl so hard that she made a false ID and screwed their case to hell and back. After that, Novak had disappeared. Olivia was surprised she wasn’t still in the squad room barking orders at them.
“You okay?” Elliot asked from his desk across from her.
“Yep.” That was the only reply he would get from her. Olivia was clearly not okay.
“I’m just as pissed off as you are about this.”
Olivia looked up at him for a second, glared, then looked back down at her file. Her writing became even more intense, if that was possible.
“I know why you’re mad, Liv. No one’s giving this broad an easy time, here. She’s got some big shoes to fill and I think she’s-“
The lead of Olivia’s pencil snapped. Her eyes remained on the file for a moment as she struggled to swallow. Olivia had been fighting herself not to compare Casey’s methods to Alex’s out loud, though in her head it was all she’d been doing since they had been introduced. “I’m going for a walk,” she said in a low voice and stood up from her desk. She put on her coat and left the squad room without another word or waiting for Elliot’s response.
There was only one destination Olivia had in mind. I swear, if they gave her Alex’s office.. she couldn’t even finish the thought as she stormed through the familiar hall way. Thankfully, the bureau had more respect than that. Olivia saw the name “Casey Novak” written on another door. Without knocking, she opened the door and stepped in. She saw Casey sitting on the couch, apparently looking over her notes. No doubt she’s ready to grill some other child to the point of tears.. she thought, feeling her temper rise again. “Could you have been any tougher on that little girl?” She asked, her tone reflecting the anger she felt inside.
Casey, despite what her new colleagues thought, had been crying for the past half hour. What had she gotten herself into? She was in way over her head with this situation. She’d always had a respect for Alex Cabot’s work and how she made the job seem so easy to deal with, but she had a whole new appreciation for the departed attorney now, as well as the detectives she’d been assigned to work with; the detectives who hated her. And now one was shouting at her again. What was she supposed to say? The last person she wanted to see was the female detective who seemed to hate her the most. All she could do was attempt to compose herself and answer honestly. “I’m sorry.”
Olivia saw the look on Casey’s face. It was one she’d seen many times during her career. Cassidy had made it years ago before he left. Jefferies, too. Damnit.. she thought. That meant Casey actually had a conscience, she had a heart. She couldn’t yell at Casey anymore. At least, not right then. “Nobody thinks they can do this at first,” Olivia said, watching Casey rise from the couch and return to her desk. She kept her eyes on her, observing the red head as she tried to regain her professionalism. Olivia wasn’t buying it for a second. She told Casey it didn’t get any easier, she told her that no one could handle the children very easily.
It didn’t look like Casey was very happy with Olivia’s advice. She’d been wanting reassurance, to be told that it would get easier and that she was doing well. But that was naïve. Casey knew better. “So all this sickness and perversion..” Casey chewed her bottom lip for a second. “I mean, what do you say to your boyfriend when you go home at night?”
“I don’t actually have one,” Olivia replied, probably a little too quickly. Oh no, lady, we’re not going down this road. She wasn’t about to tell Casey about her relationship with Alex. She was only tolerating Casey out of kindness right now. She was still angry with her, she still didn’t like her, and she didn’t think Casey deserved to know anything about Alex. Their relationship was sacred, and this amateur had no idea what she was getting herself into.
“Because of the job?”
Olivia didn’t want to answer that, either. But she couldn’t just stay silent. “Well I try to date, and things go great until they ask what I do.” It wasn’t a lie. That was how things were before she met Alex. She went on to further cement her reasoning by talking about how her dates either freaked out or wanted to know too much. And when Casey made a comment about how it was probably easier for the male detectives, Olivia shot her down by telling her about her co-workers and how empty their lives were too.
Casey looked at Olivia, listening as she talked about how solitary their lives were. She couldn’t believe they all had endured this lifestyle for years, and she hadn’t even made it through her first case without crying. “Why do you guys do it?” She asked, feeling her composure starting to slip again as she looked into Olivia’s eyes.
Olivia saw the vulnerability in Casey. She’d been doing this long enough to read people, even when they were trying to hide how they were feeling. Casey was second guessing herself; she wasn’t sure she could handle the job. Alex was better at hiding her fears and if any shred of vulnerability dared to break through her exterior it was unspoken of. Everyone knew better. But insecurity was written all over Casey’s face in that moment. Olivia understood. This line of work wasn’t for everyone. Walking to Casey’s office, Olivia fully believed the red head wasn't cut out for it either. Back at the precinct they all had bets on how long she’d last. But as soon as she saw Casey sitting on that couch, broken and guilt-ridden, she knew they were all wrong. Casey had the heart for it. A sad smile crossed her lips. “Because somebody has to.” Nodding, she turned and left.
Casey watched the detective go. There was something about her that was intriguing. As much as they had already butted heads, and as much as she figured they all had doubts in her, Casey was smarter than they gave her credit for. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been offered the position. Casey knew that Olivia was trying to read through her, and while doing so Casey was doing the same. She could tell that Olivia was hiding some deeper pain behind her explanations of the lack of companionship in her life. It wasn’t any of her business, but she could tell it was there. Lowering down into her desk chair, Casey looked up at the ceiling. This had been one hell of a first case.
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The office was busy. Phones were ringing left and right. Agents were walking in and out of offices, hurrying about their business. It had been this way for most of the week, she had been told. It was her first day, and she’d never felt more like a fish out of water in her life. The woman who had been training her informed her that she would be on her own, now, but assured her that she was ready. When the phone rang, she stared at it for a moment, almost intimidated. Reaching out, she raised the receiver to her ear.
“American Family Insurance, this is Emily, how may I help you?”