(no subject)
I feel like someone ran me over with a semi, then backed up and ran me over again. Or rather, I feel like I had sex with someone I loved very deeply and thought loved me back, and then ze got up and asked "how much?"
I'm being slammed back and forth between deep rage that might be better described as hatred, and a sorrow so heavy it makes me feel unable to breathe. I've never felt so utterly devalued.
I don't know how to handle this. Usually when someone hurts me I can understand why they act the way they do, and can empathize, and it helps. I can't relate to this. And usually when I break up with someone I want to be close again in the future -- not this time.