wah wah wah...
sooo i'm manic for real and it sucks ass. that's why its 4:30am and i'm still awake. it's bad, like way more physical than mental though. i've dropped about 10 lbs because i'm just not ever hungry. and i can't sleep at ALL. i've been taking pills (vicodin or flexeril or whatever is around) and/or drinking to sleep and it sort of works but not really. hopefully next week i'll be able to see the neurologist and get some meds figured out, cause this shit sucks. the only thing good about it is being skinny, except 106 lbs looks bad on me. dave doesn't notice because he's up all night anyway and thinks that's normal. i live with my boyfriend and he seriously like doesn't even really know me. whatever. we get along and he's good to me so i should really just shut up. it's gonna be a year tomorrow. ana and i went to stone mtn the other day and got stoned and maybe talked a little too much. she says she's worried about me. i'll fix it though. i don't like it either.
i hung out with stephanie a lot today and yesterday. she's seriously turned out totally different than i'd expected, and i'm pleasantly surprised. hahaha i told her yesterday that when she was little i was convinced she would grow up to be a total asshole. i've noticed lately (and it's been pointed out to me a lot too) that i always expect the worst of people. i'm trying to fix that. speaking of which, i got a text from lindsay the other day. we talked a bit and i told her i wasn't doing well, and also that i thought she was on dope. she said she wasn't, and said she wanted to hang out and stuff, but i couldn't that day. i feel like i wanna talk to her and work stuff out, but like i don't trust her, and i don't know if that is because of me or because of her.
so since july 1 was the other day i'm making mid-years' resolutions... i've decided i'm gonna:
-read more and better books
-leave town more often
-do more fun stuff that involves leaving the house
-try not to be so pessimistic and suspcious of everyone
-try to keep in touch and be better friends with some of my out of town friends
-get rid of a TON of my clothes
-take more classes so i can graduate sooner
-try to keep the damned house cleaner...
aaaaaand now it's 5am and the birds are waking up and doing their wake up chirping, ugh. i'm gonna try and sleep now, i think.
i hung out with stephanie a lot today and yesterday. she's seriously turned out totally different than i'd expected, and i'm pleasantly surprised. hahaha i told her yesterday that when she was little i was convinced she would grow up to be a total asshole. i've noticed lately (and it's been pointed out to me a lot too) that i always expect the worst of people. i'm trying to fix that. speaking of which, i got a text from lindsay the other day. we talked a bit and i told her i wasn't doing well, and also that i thought she was on dope. she said she wasn't, and said she wanted to hang out and stuff, but i couldn't that day. i feel like i wanna talk to her and work stuff out, but like i don't trust her, and i don't know if that is because of me or because of her.
so since july 1 was the other day i'm making mid-years' resolutions... i've decided i'm gonna:
-read more and better books
-leave town more often
-do more fun stuff that involves leaving the house
-try not to be so pessimistic and suspcious of everyone
-try to keep in touch and be better friends with some of my out of town friends
-get rid of a TON of my clothes
-take more classes so i can graduate sooner
-try to keep the damned house cleaner...
aaaaaand now it's 5am and the birds are waking up and doing their wake up chirping, ugh. i'm gonna try and sleep now, i think.