I Need to Cut My Hair...
Less than twenty-four hours before the big exam now. Not really nervous in the traditional sense. I'm pretty calm about it, but there is this little bit of doubt that says I will get in there and draw a total blank. Hopefully that does not happen. I just came to the realization that I have a lot of people in my life who do not consider me important enough to really address issues. Any attempt I have made in the last few months at confronting someone, asking someone a serious question, or discussing anything of actual meaning in the world I have gotten the same response..."I don't have time right now, but I will reply later". Most of this comes by the way of email partly because of distance issues and also because I can't talk on the phone very well. Yet, I can think of three or four major discussions I initiated in the last couple months and of all of them I was put aside. The worst part is those people never got the time...I am still waiting on a response from all of them and the thing is that issues like that may fade but they never die. Anyway, I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I'm really kind of a pushover. I get mad at random people, but when it comes to people I have more than a consequential relationship with I do my best to avoid any confrontation. So in these few cases where I have it is already a big enough step, I'm not about to go busting people's doors down to get an answer. I guess maybe people know I'm like that and take advantage of that by just blowing it off and hoping I'll let it go. Frankly, in most cases the same thing happens...I loose respect for the person and that leads to the deterioration of the relationship. I can't respect people who obviously do not respect me, right?
Anyway, besides that heavy stuff, there really is not a lot going on. I'm excited to be heading home in a few days. It's going to be super exciting to reunite the original three and even four if a certain somebody can peel himself away from his busy life for a while. It's been a long term. Not being home much I've really started to miss the general comforts of the place and my dog especially. No offense to anyone, but I think I've missed her the most. I think this holiday is especially important because I have realized lately that I need to take another step soon. I've been looking backward too much and soon I am going to have to move towards the future, whatever that may be. So this could be my last extended period of time in Lindsay. Also, my parents will likely move after Lindsay goes to school so my visits to town will become even fewer. Overall, I guess I am just looking for something to motivate me to make the change I really do need to make.
This is my last attempt to start a paragraph that won't turn emotional. I've been really into music again lately, mostly indie stuff. There is some really neat music out there if you are willing to look for it. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Open Invitation is a good song I found the other day. It was also used on the OC this past week I think or at least a similar song. Anyway, it is getting pretty late and I have an exam tomorrow so I should wrap this up.
Anyway, besides that heavy stuff, there really is not a lot going on. I'm excited to be heading home in a few days. It's going to be super exciting to reunite the original three and even four if a certain somebody can peel himself away from his busy life for a while. It's been a long term. Not being home much I've really started to miss the general comforts of the place and my dog especially. No offense to anyone, but I think I've missed her the most. I think this holiday is especially important because I have realized lately that I need to take another step soon. I've been looking backward too much and soon I am going to have to move towards the future, whatever that may be. So this could be my last extended period of time in Lindsay. Also, my parents will likely move after Lindsay goes to school so my visits to town will become even fewer. Overall, I guess I am just looking for something to motivate me to make the change I really do need to make.
This is my last attempt to start a paragraph that won't turn emotional. I've been really into music again lately, mostly indie stuff. There is some really neat music out there if you are willing to look for it. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Open Invitation is a good song I found the other day. It was also used on the OC this past week I think or at least a similar song. Anyway, it is getting pretty late and I have an exam tomorrow so I should wrap this up.