(no subject)
Well I'm realizing I have 3 years to think up what I want to do with my life. I know what I want out of life. College life at least. I've been saying I want to go to New York City.
Which is what I want for reasons that it's something completely different. I always knew I wanted a coffee shop lifestyle. No, a cafe. A life of artists, and poetry and music. I've always wanted to be one of those people who has friends who are performance artists, lives at e-cafes, shared an awesome apartment with 4 friends with a crappy landlord and not enough money to get heat but blowing what we had on an impromptu trip to Alaska. A crazy awesome artsy life. But that's not realistic. Things like that don't happen in real life.
In real life, I go to college and become a cardiologist. I marry and have kids. I like in a nice house in a suburban neighborhood. I go to cookie exchanges with the neighborhood moms who I don't really like but am friendly with. My kids play soccer with the kids across the street and get A's. Hunky dory.
I can't figure out how to balance the two. I have polar opposites of my personality and don't know how to please both sides. For one, I want so badly to live life on the imaginary edge. The edge of being a bum and being an artist. I want to live in a big busy city with my big crazy friends and live at museums. I love museums. I'm a dork. Don't worry, I already know.
Which is kind of why I wanted to live in Washington D.C. Because I love the National Mall. The Smithsonian. I love the Smithsonian. At the current moment that is my favorite place. I want to live in a big busy city. Without politicians. End of D.C.
Now I know that I could meet people like that anywhere. Except my performance artist friends wouldn't be in a place like Pittsford. I need to live life like that for at least 5 years. For my sanity. But that means not taking school seriously. Which I can't do. For my sanity.
See my dilemma? Actually, it's not really a dilemma. I guess I just need something to complain about at the moment. But I don't want to put my work to waste. I've been working since 2nd grade to get straight A's in everything. Working towards a great college. But maybe life's not all about education. Pssh, it's all about it. But I really don't know what to do with my lfie. Because I have two conflicting ideas. Go to medical school to become a cardiologist, study my ass off, become a successful doctor, maybe own my own practice. Or, move to New York, meet some really cool people at the weekend poetry slam who become my best friends, live in a cool apartment with a bum landlord, have a fun awesome life with great experiences and great people.
My summaries are totally not useful though. That is the Hollywood view of NYC. Things like that don't happen in real life. I live my life like it's a movie and always end up disappointed when there's not some happy ending where the leading male decides to not move 100 miles away, runs all the way back from the airport after his epiphany through traffic and we kiss as the song to the closing credits comes on. My head is in the clouds.
Yet life is not as predictable as going to college and living a hunky dory life. I know that. This is just a general thing here. And I know I don't have to worry about this now. I'm only 15. But yet, I think I like to think about it. As I said before, I just need something to stress me out a little bit.
Which is what I want for reasons that it's something completely different. I always knew I wanted a coffee shop lifestyle. No, a cafe. A life of artists, and poetry and music. I've always wanted to be one of those people who has friends who are performance artists, lives at e-cafes, shared an awesome apartment with 4 friends with a crappy landlord and not enough money to get heat but blowing what we had on an impromptu trip to Alaska. A crazy awesome artsy life. But that's not realistic. Things like that don't happen in real life.
In real life, I go to college and become a cardiologist. I marry and have kids. I like in a nice house in a suburban neighborhood. I go to cookie exchanges with the neighborhood moms who I don't really like but am friendly with. My kids play soccer with the kids across the street and get A's. Hunky dory.
I can't figure out how to balance the two. I have polar opposites of my personality and don't know how to please both sides. For one, I want so badly to live life on the imaginary edge. The edge of being a bum and being an artist. I want to live in a big busy city with my big crazy friends and live at museums. I love museums. I'm a dork. Don't worry, I already know.
Which is kind of why I wanted to live in Washington D.C. Because I love the National Mall. The Smithsonian. I love the Smithsonian. At the current moment that is my favorite place. I want to live in a big busy city. Without politicians. End of D.C.
Now I know that I could meet people like that anywhere. Except my performance artist friends wouldn't be in a place like Pittsford. I need to live life like that for at least 5 years. For my sanity. But that means not taking school seriously. Which I can't do. For my sanity.
See my dilemma? Actually, it's not really a dilemma. I guess I just need something to complain about at the moment. But I don't want to put my work to waste. I've been working since 2nd grade to get straight A's in everything. Working towards a great college. But maybe life's not all about education. Pssh, it's all about it. But I really don't know what to do with my lfie. Because I have two conflicting ideas. Go to medical school to become a cardiologist, study my ass off, become a successful doctor, maybe own my own practice. Or, move to New York, meet some really cool people at the weekend poetry slam who become my best friends, live in a cool apartment with a bum landlord, have a fun awesome life with great experiences and great people.
My summaries are totally not useful though. That is the Hollywood view of NYC. Things like that don't happen in real life. I live my life like it's a movie and always end up disappointed when there's not some happy ending where the leading male decides to not move 100 miles away, runs all the way back from the airport after his epiphany through traffic and we kiss as the song to the closing credits comes on. My head is in the clouds.
Yet life is not as predictable as going to college and living a hunky dory life. I know that. This is just a general thing here. And I know I don't have to worry about this now. I'm only 15. But yet, I think I like to think about it. As I said before, I just need something to stress me out a little bit.