so this is how growing up feels????
okay so i hadnt cried since tuesday, until today.... aarons mom called me today to inform me that aaron had called with the address to where we can send his letters... she said you could tell it was him but he sounded like a robot, like emotionless and as if he was reading straight from something... it started out on the answering machine and when she picked up and started talking to him, he didnt even respond to what she would say, that he would just say what he needed to and then when she said aaron i love you, he just say good-bye....
i started to cry, i dont want him to change that much... i really miss him, i need him here with me... im starting to grow up some and im changing and maturing and i dunno, im not ready to pick a new life without him... i dont really want to... im meeting guys that seriously are a waste of my time... like the guys i met tonight with hannah, they are just such smart asses and i dunno, just not my cup of tea... but i guess those type of people make me appreciate the guy i had more...
i think im going to be on a rollar coaster the weeks to come with life and how i feel about stuff... because i might think one second im feeling one way, but the next its another...
i had a talk with my stepdad tonight.... i never thought he was stupid about the things i do, i just never really tell him details to stuff like i did my mom... i guess i never thought he would understand and that he would just judge and get defensive of me... but i think hes realizing that any experience i have had, although he didnt elaborate on how much hes aware of or not, he sees im growing and maturing... he just doesnt want me to get into the habbits of lieing and getting myself in situations that i cant take back that will leave me with regrets... i really enjoyed our conversation.. i didnt have to say much but i listened.... its weird, i feel like im hiting a point in life where i think my parents, or atleast him, are going to understand me better...
i love ashley duffy right now... for some reason, we seem to get into the most deepest of conversations... we have this understanding for the other, i dunno, i cant explain it... i think we need to get together soon though and catch up... its been since wednesday since we have really gotten to have a deep convo....
well i need to write aaron and go to bed, i have a long work week ahead of me... night night
~*Rachael*~
i started to cry, i dont want him to change that much... i really miss him, i need him here with me... im starting to grow up some and im changing and maturing and i dunno, im not ready to pick a new life without him... i dont really want to... im meeting guys that seriously are a waste of my time... like the guys i met tonight with hannah, they are just such smart asses and i dunno, just not my cup of tea... but i guess those type of people make me appreciate the guy i had more...
i think im going to be on a rollar coaster the weeks to come with life and how i feel about stuff... because i might think one second im feeling one way, but the next its another...
i had a talk with my stepdad tonight.... i never thought he was stupid about the things i do, i just never really tell him details to stuff like i did my mom... i guess i never thought he would understand and that he would just judge and get defensive of me... but i think hes realizing that any experience i have had, although he didnt elaborate on how much hes aware of or not, he sees im growing and maturing... he just doesnt want me to get into the habbits of lieing and getting myself in situations that i cant take back that will leave me with regrets... i really enjoyed our conversation.. i didnt have to say much but i listened.... its weird, i feel like im hiting a point in life where i think my parents, or atleast him, are going to understand me better...
i love ashley duffy right now... for some reason, we seem to get into the most deepest of conversations... we have this understanding for the other, i dunno, i cant explain it... i think we need to get together soon though and catch up... its been since wednesday since we have really gotten to have a deep convo....
well i need to write aaron and go to bed, i have a long work week ahead of me... night night
~*Rachael*~