Anxiety, anyone?
It often feels like my entire life is in transition--waiting for one thing to change or another--and I have to remind myself constantly that I'm living my life NOW. My life will not start when I finish school, or when I find a job, or when I meet someone who can actually love me, or when warm weather arrives, or when I suddenly wake up and realize that I should be someone that I am not. It's not that I don't have a full life, or that I'm not grateful. But I think I would feel differently about most things if I didn't allow myself to get so caught up with future planning and rather thought a little bit about enjoying my life now.
The next few months will require me to make myself very vulnerable and take a chance on launching my life into a world outside my comfort zone. I'll be facing the possibility that I'll be moving out of state. I'll be trying online dating again (yeah, oh boy). I'll be looking for a job that I never was qualified to do until now, hoping that I won't let myself down. I'll be taking a trip by myself, far away. I'll be really stretching my physical abilities.
I'm excited, but more than anything, I'm scared. Scared that if I moved to a new town to start a new job where I don't know anyone and have to reset my whole life, I might be tempted to hide away from the world and permanently hibernate. Scared that I might make a big mistake and choose the wrong thing. Scared that I won't be happy. Scared that I won't find anything at all and.... then what happens?
I do blame part of this anxiety on the troubled economy, which will make all of the above just that much more difficult for me. But a lot of it is in me, and in how terrifying it is to me to make drastic changes in life, let along change ever single bit of my life. That is why I will tell myself that it is an adventure, and it won't all be top-of-the-world fun, but the ups and downs make for a full and fulfilling life, and life is what I am leading now, not what I will be leading in the future.
The next few months will require me to make myself very vulnerable and take a chance on launching my life into a world outside my comfort zone. I'll be facing the possibility that I'll be moving out of state. I'll be trying online dating again (yeah, oh boy). I'll be looking for a job that I never was qualified to do until now, hoping that I won't let myself down. I'll be taking a trip by myself, far away. I'll be really stretching my physical abilities.
I'm excited, but more than anything, I'm scared. Scared that if I moved to a new town to start a new job where I don't know anyone and have to reset my whole life, I might be tempted to hide away from the world and permanently hibernate. Scared that I might make a big mistake and choose the wrong thing. Scared that I won't be happy. Scared that I won't find anything at all and.... then what happens?
I do blame part of this anxiety on the troubled economy, which will make all of the above just that much more difficult for me. But a lot of it is in me, and in how terrifying it is to me to make drastic changes in life, let along change ever single bit of my life. That is why I will tell myself that it is an adventure, and it won't all be top-of-the-world fun, but the ups and downs make for a full and fulfilling life, and life is what I am leading now, not what I will be leading in the future.