(no subject)
so this week i am feeling very isolated at work. i guess i have learned that i would never be very good working from home. i need some interaction; every day i show up to this huge building, with 3,000 other people, and i come and go anonymously. if i don't show up? no one knows. if i come in early? no one knows. if i sit here & slack & waste time all day? no one knows. it's a lot of freedom on the one hand, but a lot of feeling like an island on the other. i wish i had at least one friend here who i could meet for lunch, maybe 1x or 2x a week? that aspect of the idea of relocation is certainly appealing, though i don't think it cancels out all the cons. i'm sure things are exacerbated by the fact that i'm going through a project lull, wherein not much is happening and i'm not even interacting w/colleagues in other offices. maybe once that picks up again, it won't seem so lonely. i know work is not exactly s'posed to be my social hub, and it isn't, and i don't want it to be. it's just that it's actually very tiring to come in here every day, sit by myself, and on many days, make up work for myself. anyone else think this can't bode well for the future?
last night was meetin's weekly ballroom dance class; it's been on tuesdays for a couple of months now, but i couldn't really go before the new year for various reasons. i went last night for the first time and attempted to learn to foxtrot. it was way fun, but i definitely need more practice! next week is the cha-cha, which i'm sure will be a challenge. still, it's fun to try things i've never done before. what else can i do this week that's brand new?
also last night j, h & i watched 'moulin rouge' which i had yet to see. i enjoyed it, mostly, especially the costuming & cinematography, but thought it was kinda schizophrenic, like it didn't know what it wanted to be. i know this is lame talking about a movie that everyone else saw, like, 4 years ago, but hey, i'm okay with that. for some reason, with my anxiety in higher-alert mode these days, it was difficult to watch any of the scenes that dealt with her TB. i actually thought i might pass out at one point. (i realize and recognize that that is not entirely normal, btw...) and, i think my biggest takeaway was not very cheery overall. here it is: everyone loses the love of their life at some point. it's unavoidable, unless you are perhaps lucky enough (?) to be the one who dies first... it isn't always death, but this is one of those sucky life-truths i haven't spent much time thinking about before now. and judging by how depressing it is, i'm going to stop thinking about it much from now on, if i can help it. it's just, when she died, that's what made me cry. i guess it made a universal point there, even if it is a tough one to swallow...
i really think i need some sunshine. seriously. what is with me that i can't banish the blues and/or anxiety for even one full day right now? go away, winter... *sigh*
last night was meetin's weekly ballroom dance class; it's been on tuesdays for a couple of months now, but i couldn't really go before the new year for various reasons. i went last night for the first time and attempted to learn to foxtrot. it was way fun, but i definitely need more practice! next week is the cha-cha, which i'm sure will be a challenge. still, it's fun to try things i've never done before. what else can i do this week that's brand new?
also last night j, h & i watched 'moulin rouge' which i had yet to see. i enjoyed it, mostly, especially the costuming & cinematography, but thought it was kinda schizophrenic, like it didn't know what it wanted to be. i know this is lame talking about a movie that everyone else saw, like, 4 years ago, but hey, i'm okay with that. for some reason, with my anxiety in higher-alert mode these days, it was difficult to watch any of the scenes that dealt with her TB. i actually thought i might pass out at one point. (i realize and recognize that that is not entirely normal, btw...) and, i think my biggest takeaway was not very cheery overall. here it is: everyone loses the love of their life at some point. it's unavoidable, unless you are perhaps lucky enough (?) to be the one who dies first... it isn't always death, but this is one of those sucky life-truths i haven't spent much time thinking about before now. and judging by how depressing it is, i'm going to stop thinking about it much from now on, if i can help it. it's just, when she died, that's what made me cry. i guess it made a universal point there, even if it is a tough one to swallow...
i really think i need some sunshine. seriously. what is with me that i can't banish the blues and/or anxiety for even one full day right now? go away, winter... *sigh*