Shit, it has been a while
Life goes in and out of stinking. I work a lot...sometimes almost 40 hours, and now I am starting summer school at 8am days a week. All the while, I am trying to keep my relationship going.
I have this mental list where I add on hurtful things people have said to me. I seriously have never forgotten them, an, unfortunately, Ben has been added to that list.
My mom once said, "great, now we're going to have to tell the rest of the family you have mental problems"
My dad once said, "You fucked up your own life"
Nichole once said, "Do you really want me to go on about all the things you do wrong?"
Jeni once said I was going aginst the Bible.
Ben has said,
"Eric doesn't like it when you act like that?" (WTF does it matter what the hell eric thinks? are you going out with him now?)
"I'm not the one with problems" (implying that I am...thanks, Ben)
annnnnd
"You waste my time and energy by asking all these questions just so you can get me to talk more because you want all of my attention."
Now, I am realizing I rely on him too much to make me feel special. I have stopped taking meds. I have started cutting more. I still smoke. I occasionally drink. I like to get drunk. I hate my job. I hate my life. I hate my dad. I wish that Ben and I were doing better. I am going to couseling once a week now instead of once everry 2 weeks. Argh.
I have this mental list where I add on hurtful things people have said to me. I seriously have never forgotten them, an, unfortunately, Ben has been added to that list.
My mom once said, "great, now we're going to have to tell the rest of the family you have mental problems"
My dad once said, "You fucked up your own life"
Nichole once said, "Do you really want me to go on about all the things you do wrong?"
Jeni once said I was going aginst the Bible.
Ben has said,
"Eric doesn't like it when you act like that?" (WTF does it matter what the hell eric thinks? are you going out with him now?)
"I'm not the one with problems" (implying that I am...thanks, Ben)
annnnnd
"You waste my time and energy by asking all these questions just so you can get me to talk more because you want all of my attention."
Now, I am realizing I rely on him too much to make me feel special. I have stopped taking meds. I have started cutting more. I still smoke. I occasionally drink. I like to get drunk. I hate my job. I hate my life. I hate my dad. I wish that Ben and I were doing better. I am going to couseling once a week now instead of once everry 2 weeks. Argh.