Looking Back.... JT.10
My junior year, his sophomore one... Ennis was majoring in business with an emphasis on financial planning. I don’t know if he was purposefully getting ready to manage my money, or if he just thought that would be an interesting career. He was good in math, he actually watched the financial news and commented back to the anchors, and he could balance our checkbook to the penny, and did every month. The first time I teased him about it, he shoved it my way, along with a stack of bills, and said, “Fine. You do it. I’m gonna go watch TV.” I kept my mouth shut after that.
My GPA actually went up with my grades from the summer, so I only had to whine to Coach a little in order to get permission to live off campus. One of the alumni set me and Ennis up in a dumpy apartment with crappy furniture and bad water pressure. It was free though, in exchange for me doing maintenance work around the place. Since I wasn’t there very much, there was an on-call maintenance guy who did most of the work, but it looked legal on paper, and it kept me and Ennis in bed together every night, which was my main concern.
Ennis mentioned at some point about how weird it was that I got so dependent on him so early on, and how I needed him around in order to make the rest of my life work. I didn’t recognize that back then, I just knew that he was my friend and my lover and my banker and my tutor and about a million other things too, and if I could have him close by, my life would be better for it.
The strangest thing about all of it wasn’t that I loved him, but that I never said it. I knew it, had known it for a long time, but I never told him. I’m not even sure I realized I could tell him. We just didn’t operate that way. We weren’t lovey dovey and romantic - we were hard and edgy and rough. We were guys 100% of the time, in bed and out. ‘I love you’ was something you said to your mom (in theory) or your girlfriend (also in theory) but not your best friend who also just happened to be the guy you were fucking.
He didn’t say it either, so for years it went unsaid.
*****
Living in the apartment worked out good for both of us in that it made it easier for Ennis to take care of me without me actually being around for it. Football ate up even more of my time and energy than before because - in my head - it was my last college season and I was bound and determined to have a winning year. I still hadn’t said anything to anybody about that plan, partly because, if we had a shitty season, I didn’t want to have to eat crow when I changed my mind. Also, I hadn’t figured out how I was going to manage without Ennis, and once I actually announced that I was leaving, that issue would be there between us. As it was, I was able to tuck it away and not think about it. Mostly.
Ennis kept me in passing grades again that fall. God… when I look back on it, I can’t believe how he was able to carry both our class loads and work too. My classes were easy compared to his, though, and I forced myself to pay attention and take notes in class so that I’d have a better chance of passing the tests. It got to the point that we were both so busy we almost never even saw each other awake. We mostly just left each other notes on the kitchen table and jacked off in the shower. Sometimes he’d make it into the shower before I was done and we’d jack each other off, but that was about as good as things got that fall.
Which doesn’t excuse my huge flaming fuck up, I know, but maybe it at least lays some ground work for it.
We both went home for Thanksgiving, but it was another quick trip for me - I had to be back early on Friday for practice for the game on Saturday, which was in Florida. The house was packed - Ennis’s family got there early and my brothers and sisters came over for dinner Wednesday night after church. Fred was on the floor again, and by the time he shut up talking and went to sleep, I was exhausted. I didn’t wake up again until 9 o’clock Thursday morning. If I got a blow job in the middle of the night, I slept through it. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get one though.
My season was the one thing that was going exactly how I wanted it. We were kickin ass and takin names, well on our way to a championship title and maybe even a Heisman for me. If we won on Saturday, I figured I was a lock for the final four. So did everyone else, and it ruled the conversation at the men’s table on Thanksgiving Day. I don’t think anyone even asked Ennis how his classes were going, including me. We watched football all afternoon, ate turkey sandwiches for dinner, and then I went to bed, ‘cause I had to get up early to get back. I never even felt it when Ennis came to bed.
We did win on Saturday and ten days later I got notified that I was one of the four Heisman finalists. A bunch of my teammates decided we needed to have a party and I wasn’t about to say no. We started drinking early, going from one frat house to another one, before we finally ended up at my apartment just after dark. Ennis wasn’t there, of course, because he had night classes, and when one of the girls led me back to our room, all the guys egging me on, I went.
He got home about fifteen minutes later, which I didn’t realize until the girl I was fucking looked over my shoulder and said, “Ooooh, you’re new. What’s your name?” and I looked back and saw him standing in the doorway, staring at us with this glazed-over look on his face.
“Oh fuck!” I cursed at the same time he said, “Sorry, I’m nobody, just the roommate. Got the wrong room.” He didn’t even slam the door, just backed out and pulled it closed, and a few seconds later I heard the door across the hall shut, the room that was his as far as company was concerned.
My interest in fucking vanished the minute I set eyes on Ennis. I pulled off and stumbled out of bed, rolling the condom off my dick as fast as I could. The girl was staring at me like, “What the fuck?” but I was over it and she was too drunk to kick up much of a fuss. I got dressed and herded her back out into the living room, where I made some excuse for why the party needed to break up, and since we’d been drinking for hours by that point, nobody gave me much static. I had the place emptied out within half an hour. Unfortunately, that was about an hour too late.
As soon as the place quieted down, Ennis came out. He was dressed in some pajamas he got for Christmas the year before but had never worn and he looked like hell. His eyes were red and at first I thought he was crying until he stopped on the way into the kitchen to sneeze about five times and I realized he was sick. He opened the refrigerator, grabbed one of my bottles of Gatorade, then slammed it shut. The no-door-slamming policy had gotten lifted.
I wasn’t sure what to say, which was just as well since he wasn’t in the mood to listen. I didn’t’ get past “Ennis” before I got slammed in the chest with the heel of his hand. I’d never seen him so mad before. His jaw was clenching so hard I was afraid he was gonna break all his teeth.
“Shut up! Jesus Christ, Jack, just shut up! I don’t wanna hear it. Not a word.”
Since there was nothing I could really say - except I was sorry, which was too lame to even mention - I did what he asked and kept my mouth shut. I was totally prepared to get my nose busted but he didn’t take a swing, just looked like he wanted to puke, which wasn’t far from true.
“I’m going to bed. Stay the fuck away from me. I’m sick and you’ll just make it worse.” He took the bottle of Gatorade and locked himself in the guest room and left me to stew in my guilt.
I went to the store and bought more Gatorade, a bunch of different cold medicines, plus several cans of chicken noodle soup and a few other things I thought might be good for a sick person to eat. When I got home from classes the next day - it was exam week, so his timing was especially bad - he was back in his room, but all the cold meds were gone and there was an empty soup can in the garbage, which made me feel about 1% better. I got no response when I knocked and he didn’t answer when I asked him to please let me in. I thought about breaking in - I was a maintenance man and a big brother - both giving me excellent breaking and entering cred, but I decided to give him one more day to be mad and sick. It had nothing to do with the fact that I still hadn’t figured out what to say about why he walked in on me fucking a girl in our bed.
Unfortunately, I still hadn’t come up with any sort of excuse for that by the next day (probably because there wasn’t one) and I was tired of being ignored so I jimmied the lock and let myself in. We’d never get anything worked out if we never talked to each other again. As soon as I poked my head in the room, an almost-full bottle of Gatorade smashed into the door facing about an inch from my nose. I decided to give him one more day.
When I came home on Thursday, done with my exams, thank God, he was bundled up on the couch watching TV and blowing his nose a lot, according to the mountain of wadded up tissues on the floor by the couch. Even though he didn’t acknowledge me in any way, just seeing him again gave me hope. If he was alive, maybe I could start to work myself out of the dungeon.
“Hey, Ennis. You feeling any better?”
Nothing.
“Can I get you something to drink? Want me to heat you up a can of soup?”
Nothing.
“I’m sorry about the other night,” I said in my most humble and sincere voice. “God, Ennis, I’m so fucking sorry. I was drunk. I know that’s no excuse, but still, I woulda never done that otherwise.”
The guy on TV switched from weather to sports and my face flashed on the screen. Ennis immediately changed the channel. I plunked myself down on the coffee table so he had no choice but to deal with me, snatched the remote away from him and turned the TV off.
“Listen. I get that you’re mad. I don’t blame you. You know what a jealous bitch I am - I’d be pissed as hell too. I’m sorry. A thousand times over I’m sorry. What do I have to do to get forgiven here, Ennis?”
He glared at me while I made my little plea like I was some particularly nasty thing he’d snorted out of his nose. “I’m moving out after Christmas.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No,” I shouted more forcefully, trying to out-will him. “Jesus Christ, Ennis! Why do you have to be such a hardass about this?”
Ennis suddenly came to life in a very loud, angry explosion. “Fuck you, Jack!! I’ve worked my ass off getting you through school this year, plus doing my own school work, plus working, and I got nothing - not one goddamned thing from you - not even a fucking thank you - and then I come home sick and find you fucking some tramp in our bed and you think I’m supposed to just say, “No big deal, just don’t do it again,” or some shit like that?” He slammed the side of his fist against the wall above the sofa. “It don’t fucking work that way, asshole. Maybe nobody else can tell you no around this place, but I fucking can! You wanna fuck girls? Fine! Fuck ‘em. But I’m done.” He lurched off the couch and shuffled off to his room, letting me know that was his final say on it.
I wanted to shout back and make excuses and plead and beg and throw myself on the mercy of courts all around, but his eyes were black with fury and I knew that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him right then. My only chance was to wait until he felt better and also felt like he’d punished me enough, and then maybe I could whine my way back into his good graces.
That was my plan. It turns out that Ennis’s plan was more along the lines of good, old-fashioned, in-your-face revenge.
He went to work on Friday. I left him a note telling him I’d gone to New York and would be back Sunday night, along with my flight times. Coach and I got to the hotel that night just in time to change for the welcome/meet-and-greet. I shook hands and made small talk with a hundred people. It should’ve been the most exciting night of my life, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of having totally fucked up my life and how wrong it was that I was in New York City listening to people who didn’t know me tell me how awesome I was, while the one person who knew me better than anyone was sitting at home hating my guts for being the biggest asshole he’d ever met.
We went out that morning with the other nominees and their coaches, got in a little sight-seeing before we had to get back to get dolled up for the dinner. Coach said he had no idea who was going to win, but just in case it was me, I needed to be prepared with something to say. Nothing big, just a few people I wanted to thank.
A few hours later, when they announced the winner, Jack Twist of McMinnville, Tennessee, quarterback for the University of Tennessee, I smiled at the crowd, shook hands with Coach and walked up to the podium, my heart racing like a deer faced head on with a loaded gun. There were some issues I was tired of dodging, and even if it was too little too late, I was gonna give credit where credit was due.
I rattled off my spiel about what a huge honor it was, how much I appreciated all the votes from all the people who knew and loved football, and how much I would try to live up to the legacy of the award. Once I covered that, I got to what was - in my opinion - the important part of my speech.
“When I was eighteen years old, my life went south in a really bad way, and I’d like to thank the people who stepped in and saved me: my best friend Ennis and his parents, Dr. and Mrs. del Mar, and my boss, Mr. Delmus Connell, and his brother Ned. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here right now, and I just want to say how much I appreciate everything they did to get me where I am today.”
I wrapped it up after that and got off the stage to a big round of applause and a very curious look from my coach. I knew what I’d said would open up a huge round of questions - everybody was already busting at the seams to know why my parents never showed up at any of these events. I knew that when I went pro, my life would get cracked open like an egg and no question would go unasked. I figured if I had to deal with it, I wanted to deal with it on my terms.
We got back to Knoxville late Sunday evening. I was cold and tired and hungry, and I had no idea what I would find when I got home. Ennis might even be gone already. It’s not like we were paying rent, so he had no obligation to hang around if he didn’t want to. When Coach dropped me off at my building and I saw his truck in the parking lot by mine, I breathed my first easy breath in days. As long as he was there, I still had a chance.
I opened the back door and eased into the kitchen, unsure what to expect, ready for most anything but the sound of a girl giggling in the living room, which is what I heard. When I got there, the coffee table was covered with beer bottles and they were wrapped up on the sofa, her giving me the eye while Ennis squeezed her boob and sucked on her neck.
“Dennis, your roommate’s home.” Ennis kept at it until she poked his arm and slurred, “Hey. Horny boy! We got company. We either gotta ask him to join in or take it to the bedroom.”
He looked over at me, his eyes glazed over again but this time from a totally different kinda fever, and said, “Damn. He sure is. Come on. Let’s go to the bedroom.” He gave her a big, disgusting grin. “I wanna keep you all to myself.”
She giggled. “Ok!” she said, crawled off his lap and almost fell over before she finally got her balance and reached down to pull him up off the couch. His jeans were already unbuttoned and I could see the hard outline of his dick against his boxers. He wasn’t faking it.
As he brushed by me, he said, “Congrats on your win, man. Great speech.” Then he led her into our room.
He didn’t shut the door. I could hear his low mumble and her high-pitched giggle that I swear turned into an honest-to-God squeal before the bed crashed and…. Yeah. I wasn’t sure if this was the terms of my second chance or his last, vicious Fuck You before he left for good, but I had to stay just in case it was option one. I got a beer outta the fridge and listened to my boyfriend fuck out his revenge into this floozy I hoped to God we’d never see again. From the sounds of it, she loved it. The more the bed rattled, the more she whined and gasped, “Dennis! Oh God Dennis! Yeah, right there, oh my God you’re so good, oh yeah!” and on and on till I thought for sure something was gonna break soon, and my dick was high on the list of possibilities, ‘cause as wrong as it was, I was still a perverted, twenty-year-old guy and listening to Ennis fuck sucked, but it was also turning me on like a fucking porn show. I decided to wander down the hall and take a peek, and it was even better to watch - in a sick, twisted way - so I leaned in the doorway and watched him drill her into our mattress. When she got close, her words turned into groans and breathy little screams and when she fucking finally came - well, let’s just say it’s a good thing we didn’t own any fine crystal or it woulda probably all got broken. He picked up speed while she rode it out and it didn’t take him long to get done. Watching him come inside of her was it for me, and I turned away and headed into the bathroom to finish myself off. He dropped the condom into the toilet in front of me just as I started to shoot, then stood there naked, wetting a towel to clean her up and watching me in the mirror while I finished. As far as fucked-up moments go, it was a doozy.
As soon as I could get words outta my mouth, I gasped, “Are you satisfied now?”
He turned and loomed over me - he was only about an inch taller than me but he could make it seem like more when he was mad - I’m not sure how he did that - but anyway, he said, “Fuck no! I’m pissed as hell! If you ever pull that shit again, we’re done. Absolutely, no-questions-asked done! You got that?”
I had a brand new shiny Heisman trophy in my duffle bag and I felt like the biggest loser on the face of the earth. Jesus! But there was only one answer, and I gave it. “Yeah, Ennis, I got it,” and hung my head in total shame at the same time she called out, “Dennis? Dennis? Are you coming back?” and he made a nasty face at me and stormed back to our bedroom to take care of her.
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