[Fic] A fool in love (Stupid deal)
Title: A fool in love [Stupid deal]
Pairing: AKame
Genre: romance, angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jin returns after six months spent in the States, What he finds upon his return isn't something he likes, so he decides to make a deal.
A/N: This is for my dear Mari-kun (mouter ). I promised to write this a long while ago, so I apologize for posting it so late *shot* I wanted to insist on the problem more, but it didn't seem to happen *sigh* But I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless ^_^ Douzo, enjoy~
~*~*~
Jin couldn't wait to meet his band mates after such a long time spent abroad. He was sure they were mad at him, but he would explain the situation to them. Jin was sure they'd understand him; he didn't know exactly why, but he was pretty certain of that.
He entered the band's dressing room early that morning, hoping to find the others there. But it seemed he was the first one to arrive. He shrugged and then proceeded to change his clothes. Not long after, he heard Koki's cheerful voice telling some sort of funny story to the others, who were laughing at it. He could distinguish the voices, recognizing Maru, Tat-chan and Junno's. But where was Kame? The four entered the room and stopped talking and laughing as they saw who was inside. For a few moments, silence lay over them, the five people staring at each other. But them Koki broke it, shouting Jin's name and jumped to hug him, followed soon by the others. They really seemed happy to have him back. Jin noticed the 'K' in the band was still missing.
“Where's Kame?” he asked after everyone calmed down a bit.
“He's not here? He's usually the first one to arrive.” Maru answered as he made his way to his locker. “I hope he won't be late, though. We have a photo shoot in an hour.”
“'Morning.” All five figures turned their heads towards the door at a very tired-looking Kame. “What?” he asked grumpily.
“Um... nothing. Except that... Jin's back?” Ueda answered ironically.
“Huh?” Kame looked in the direction the older one pointed, his eyes setting on a smiling form.
“Hi Kazu. Hisashiburi ne?”
“Um... un. Hisashiburi.” He let out, going to his locker. Jin looked at Maru with a questioning look, who shrugged back in response and got back to what he was doing. He noticed the younger one taking his clothes and leaving the room.
“Where's he going?”
“Huh? Oh... I don't know, actually.” Koki answered.
Jin thought it was strange, so he followed the younger man; it seemed that he went to the restroom. After Kame entered, Jin plopped himself in the doorway and watched the younger one undress. He noticed something was different about him and before he could stop himself, he said “You're too skinny.” The younger one turned around shocked. “Is that why you're not changing with the rest of us?” He didn't receive a reply from the younger one, who seemed to be mad at something. “You don't seem to be happy I'm back.” He let out and stepped inside, closing the door. The other seemed to stop for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. “I see you're mad at me.” The moment those words left his mouth, Kazuya snapped.
“Mad? That's an understatement.” he said lowly before rising his tone a bit. “I had to carry your weight on my shoulders as well as mine and the others! And you have no idea how that is.” he let out and wanted to get out, but Jin stopped him and pushed him to the nearest wall.
“You know it wasn't my choice.” he whispered, disappointed to hear such words coming out of the mouth of the person he thought understood him more.
“The hell it wasn't.” Kame narrowed his eyes as he let out in a low voice. “Let me go, Akanishi.”
“No. I missed you, you stupid turtle. You could have at least said 'okaeri'.” Jin hugged his friend.
“I...” Kazuya's words seemed to die in his throat. “Okaeri.” he whispered as he gave into Jin's hug. The latter could feel Kazuya lose some of his tension and smiled.
“What happened to you? You really are skinny.” He poked the younger one's ribs, who didn't seem to like it, removing Jin's hand.
“I had a lot of work to do.”
“Well now that I'm back you'll have to start looking human again. I mean... look at those dark bags under your eyes.” he traced said shadows gently.
“Don't start. Now let's go back.” He escaped Jin's grip and glided out of the restroom, soon followed by Jin, who was trying to figure out the exact reason why Kame was like that.
Once back in the dressing room, Jin noticed the mood change inside: the other four seemed stiffer than ten minutes before. And he wanted to know why.
*
Jin was a bit annoyed by the way the younger was acting: he hated being ignored or shoved aside, which was exactly what Kame was doing, in his opinion. Yet he noticed the others trying to make things better and was very grateful to them.
When he left Japan, he was almost certain that the others had to work a lot more to cover for his absence and it seemed that they managed to pull it off. But as he found out over the following days, Kazuya had to do all the hard work: both his and Jin's, which was one of the things that drove him into losing so much weight. Jin started feeling guilty about this fact and tried all the ways he could to get the younger one to talk to him. But Kazuya just ignored him each time.
He was getting desperate and decided to seek out the help of the other four. They gladly accepted to help, given the fact that they were also very concerned about the youngest of them. But nothing seemed to work. That's when Jin decided to turn the page and act the way Kazuya was acting.
One afternoon in the rehearsal studio
“What's wrong with you, Kamenashi? You keep stepping on my feet when you turn around! Don't you have enough space?” He let out in an annoyed tone.
“Shut up, Akanishi.” Kazuya said as he went back to his spot, going past Jin. The older one was really concerned about Kazuya's condition, noticing things were getting worse by the day. And to top that, with the next twirl he did, the younger one found himself crashing down onto the floor. Before he blacked out, he saw Jin catching him.
The other four and the dance instructor were alarmed the second they saw the younger one lose conscience.
“Gin-san, is it ok if I take him home? He looks like he needs rest and something to eat.” he let out, glancing at the unconscious form in his arms. “If the manager asks something about us, make something up. I don't think it's good for this to leave the room.” The moment he got the approval from everyone inside, Jin left with the younger one in his arms.
He took Kazuya to his place - it being closer to the jimusho - and placed him in his bed. He made sure the younger one wouldn't catch a cold and pulled up a chair, watching him. Almost two hours had passed until Kazuya regained conscience and when he did, Jin noticed the frown on his face as he woke up.
“Where am I?” he let out in the meekest voice possible.
“At my place.” Jin answered him.
“Huh? Oh... it's you, Akanishi...” The younger one wanted to get out of bed, but Jin was fast enough and made him lie back down. “Let me get up. I want to go back to work.”
“You're not going anywhere.” he said softly, covering the younger one.
“I have work to do, Akanishi!” Kazuya spat out.
“With that weak and skinny body of yours? I doubt that.”
“Oh? Says who?” he raised an eyebrow.
“Says me. I just declared myself your caretaker until you strengthen up and get your health back.”
“But I am healthy!”
“Sure you are. Collapsing at work due to lack of sleep and food is the definition of healthy, right?”
“Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.” he frowned and huffed his cheeks.
“You're not going anywhere today, just so it's clear to you.”
“What?? I have to go home!”
“You can sleep here too. I'll take the couch.”
“But I don't want to!” he tried to argue.
“Stay here. I'll go make you something to eat.” he let out softly, ignoring the younger one's words.
“I'm not hungry!” Kazuya shouted after Jin left the room.
“I don't care!” Soon came the reply.
Jin was busy trying to cook something simple when he heard noises in the hallway. He went to see what was happening and he felt his blood boil at what he saw: the younger one was trying to put his shoes and jacket on. Jin was by his side in less than a second and grabbed his wrist, then lifted him up.
“Akanishi, it hurts!” he tried struggling, but Jin's grip on him was tight.
“I told you to stay in bed.” he let out as they entered the bedroom and the older one practically threw Kazuya on the bed. “Now do as I say.”
“Not in this life!” the younger one frowned as he got up and tried to leave again. But Jin gripped his wrist, pulled Kazuya's arms to his back and pushed him to the wall, leaning in.
“I don't like the fact that you've been avoiding me.” he whispered. The younger one kept struggling to free himself, but it was in vain; he was too weak compared to the other. “And I don't understand why you won't talk to me. I mean... I know you must be pissed at me, I understand that. But please, let me...”
“Shut up and let me go.” Jin noticed his shaky voice, but he wanted to set things straight first.
“Not until you hear me out.” Kazuya barely nodded and only then did Jin continue. “I know it was selfish of me to leave back then. But you know it wasn't my decision. Just because I did those things, it didn't mean he could just send me away like that. But I've changed there, Kazuya. I guess... it was a good thing, in a way.”
“I'm glad you're happy.” he let out crying, as Jin noticed, but in his always present ironic tone.
“I'm sorry I caused you all this pain and stress.” Jin whispered close to Kazuya's ear, placing a soft kiss on his temple. He then let go of his wrists and turned him around slowly and gently, his gaze falling on the younger one's face. He pulled him into a tight hug, trying to suppress his own tears. Jin was surprised when he felt the younger one's arms curl around his waist.
“I hate you, you idiot.” His words came out muffled as he hid his face at Jin's chest.
“Please humor me and stay here today.”
“I can't. I have to get-”
“I'll take you to your place in the morning.” The younger one seemed to think for a bit and then nodded. “Thank you.”
Jin managed to convince him to eat something; even if it took all his convincing skills, he managed to do it in the end. After Kazuya was full - by his own standards, not by Jin's, mind you - the older one made him go to sleep early - blackmailed him, to be more exact. After he was certain Kazuya was asleep, Jin went into his living room and plopped himself on the sofa, in front of the TV. He kept changing channels, not because he was bored, but because his mind was full of questions which he had a hard time finding answers to. Yet his biggest concern was the young man sleeping in his bed. He wanted to know what exactly brought him to lose so much weight, but not even then he couldn't figure it out.
He was startled when his younger band mate sat down on the sofa, next to him.
“Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?”
“I can't sleep.”
Jin looked at him and he was met by the cutest scene he saw up until that moment: the sleepy expression on Kazuya's face softened his tired features, and his fluffy hair topped it with utter cuteness.
“Stop there. I like that drama.”
“You have time to watch TV?”
“Shut up. I get to watch only re-runs.”
“Ah, I see.” The younger one leaned his head on Jin's shoulder and the latter instinctively put an arm around his shoulders, bringing him close.
“I miss the times when we could just stay like this...” the younger one said, just above a whisper.
“Me too. You should try to get some sleep. In a few days we have that press conference. I want you to look human.” At that moment, Kazuya poked Jin's ribs. “That hurt.” he chuckled softly. But it didnt't seem to bring a smile on the younger one's face. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You're not smiling.”
“Can I?”
“Don't give me that crap. You've been through worse situations and you still managed to smile.”
“I...”
“Forget it. I don't want to argue with you again.”
“Good.”
“Come on, I'll take you back to bed. We both need our sleep.”
“Ok.” Jin was a bit surprised that the younger one didn't argue back, but didn't complain. He guided Kazuya back and covered him. But when he wanted to leave, he gripped Jin's hand, making him look at the form on the bed.
“I'm cold.”
“I'll go get another blan-”
“No.” The two looked at each other for what it seemed an eternity. “Please don't leave me alone.” Jin noticed only then some needle marks on Kazuya's arms. He froze as a million of scenarios passed through his mind.
“What the hell have you done??” he almost yelled, utterly shocked.
“What?”
“What's with the needle marks?” he frowned. “Are you doing drugs as well as not eating? Are you insane?”
“It's all because of you! You know what? You should've stayed in America, for all I care! And I don't do drugs, idiot! They're from the vitamin shots I was forced to take!” He yelled back and hid under the blanket.
Jin could just stare at the younger one's covered form. His guilt was growing by the second, seeing him like that. He tried uncovering the younger one, but Kazuya didn't let go of the blanket.
“Leave me alone!”
“Kazu...” he suddenly pulled the cover off the other - who squealed in surprise - and struggled to pull him in his arms. “Stop fighting me.” he whispered.
“I hate you, Jin.”
“I know. Please calm down.”
“You're such an idiot.”
“I know that too. But this idiot cares too much about you.”
“What?” he wanted to look at his friend, but Jin just held him tight.
“You haven't considered other people's feelings regarding what you're doing to yourself, have you? Which makes you a bigger idiot than I am. I was sure you were strong enough to do what you were eventually forced to do. I believed in you. Yet what did you do? You let yourself be prey to anorexia.”
“I'm not anorexic!”
“Yes you are.”
“I'm n-”
“Don't argue with me. You're too skinny.”
“I'm not! I had to lose weight for-” Jin cut his words short as he pressed their lips together, shocking the younger one, who seemed to freeze in his spot.
“Now shut up and go to sleep.” Jin let out, not looking at Kazuya.
“Jin...” the younger one whispered, brushing his fingertips over his lips.
“Come on, get back under the blanket.”
“Jin.”
“Yes?”
“Keep-keep me warm?” he asked unsure, not looking at Jin. “I-I mean... there's enough room on the bed for the both of us.” he whispered. Jin smiled and caressed the younger one's hair.
“Sure. Move over.” he let out and lied down next to the younger one.
*
The next day, Jin and Kazuya entered the dressing room and each went to their locked, greeting the others first, of course.
“Kame... you look... better.” Koki remarked.
“I... slept pretty well last night.” he smiled faintly at his band mate.
“Kame... are you ok?” Tat-chan asked. “I mean... you're not your bitchy self today... and you're smiling.”
“I'm fine.”
“And you're actually changing here.” Maru raised an eyebrow as he followed the younger one's movements.
“Guys, I'm fine. Really.” he changed his shirt and went past by the three who gathered around him. After he left the room, three pairs of eyes turned to Jin. Sensing that, he turned to face them.
“What?”
“What did you do to him?” Koki eyed him suspiciously.
“Who? Me? Nothing.”
“What happened yesterday?”
“I... took him home.”
“Yours or his?” Tat-chan asked ironically.
“His, of course.” Jin rolled his eyes and left as well. He didn't want to give himself away or Kazuya. Especially the pact the two made.
Over the next few days, Kazuya seemed to gain some color in his cheeks and more strength, making the others feel relieved, even if they didn't know the reason behind the change. Even the tension between all of them was slowly fading and everyone was happy to see the youngest come back to life and be his old self. They all liked the change.
But then, in one of the days Jin didn't show up for practice since he had to take care of something. And that's when the others noticed Kame acting weird again. He tried avoiding all of them and tried dodging their questions, soon managing to escape them. But he was hoping Jin wouldn't find out. If he did, he was sure the older one would hold his end of the deal and Kazuya didn't want that.
“Kazu, are you ok?” he was startled out of his thoughts by Jin, who apparently returned at the jimusho before going home.
“Huh? Oh. Yeah.” he smiled mildly.
“Did you eat what I left you?”
“I, um... yeah, I did.”
“That answer doesn't sound very convincing.” he raised an eyebrow.
“I ate a part of it.” Kazuya looked away, trying to lie.
“You didn't eat it, did you?” The creepy smile Jin had plastered on his face seemed pretty scary to Kazuya.
“I...”
“Let's go eat something.” he grabbed the younger one's hand and dragged him along, downstairs to the cafeteria, where he bought him quite a big amount of food.
“Jin, I can't eat that!”
“You will. Well at least if you don't want me to end the deal and do my part. And you know I can.” Jin smiled. Kazuya gulped and started eating. Who knows what was in Jin's head and what he would do.
“I can't eat anymore! If I do, I'll explode!”
“Ok then. I think it was enough, anyway.” he let out and took the trays away, then he returned and took Kazuya back up. But before they entered the dressing room, Jin shoved the younger one in the nearest restroom and locked the door.
“Jin, what are you doing? We should get b-” he felt the older one pressing his lips against his own in a needy kiss, a kiss that Kazuya accepted and even deepened. It was only their second kiss, but Kazuya felt safe when doing it. And loved. He had realized what Jin's feelings were, but he just couldn't bring himself to follow the rules the older one had set for him. During the months Jin was away, he overworked himself only so he could forget all the bad things and thus ended up stop eating and started losing weight. He thought he was too fat, Jin always spoiling him with good stuff. So while he was away, he could get rid of the weight he had gained. But now he was starting to feel guilty seeing the older one taking such good care of him, and what was he doing? Trying to go back to the routine he had while Jin was away: one or two coffees in the mornings, a low fat yoghurt for lunch and lemonade for dinner. Good thing Jin didn't find out his old diet, or else who knows how he'd have reacted. Which reminded him: he had to get rid of the food he just ate. But Jin was right there with him and it was impossible to carry out his plan.
“Someone might come in over us.” he tried to push Jin away.
“The door is locked.” the older one let out and resumed his task.
“I need to use the toilet.”
Jin groaned.
“Go ahead.”
“But I can't do it knowing you're waiting for me here.” he smiled apologetically.
“Fine. I'll wait for you in the dressing room. The guys might be at the photo shoot for their parts.” Jin grinned and placed a swift kiss on Kazuya's lips before getting out. The younger one's smile faltered as he made his way into one of the cubicles.
In the dressing room
Jin was waiting for the younger one to return so he could enjoy the few peaceful moments they still had left until they joined the others.
“He sure is taking his time...” he glanced at his watch and paced around the room, trying to find something to do until Kazuya came back. Once the younger one entered the room, Jin stopped and smiled at him. “Sure took you long enough. Let's go, the others must be waiting for us.” he walked towards him and as he stopped right next to him, his smile died. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing my ass. You threw it all out, didn't you?” Jin frowned.
“I didn't!”
“Then why is your face white and your eyes red and puffy?”
“Because...”
“You do realize that I have to fulfill my end of the deal now, right?” he let out calmly, making Kazuya look at him in horror.
“Jin, no. Please!” Jin didn't listen to Kazuya's pleas as he searched for something. “Jin, don't! I promise I'll listen from now on!”
“Too late, Kazuya.”
“Jin, don't! Please...” tears were already falling from his eyes as he hugged the older one.
“Let... me... go.” he pushed Kazuya away as he grabbed the first sharp thing he found and pushed it into his skin.
“Jin, don't! No!!” he got up from the floor and rushed to the older one's side, who was now kneeling on the floor. “Why are you punishing me like this?” his tears fell one after another down his face as he hugged Jin to his chest. “Why did you do this?”
“Because... I can't stand seeing you like that. And because I feel useless. I just wanted to help you because...”
“Because? Jin?”
“Because I love you. And now that I told you this, I can die in peace.” his eyes closed as the pain was too overwhelming for him to bare.
“Don't say that! Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance. Jin, can you hear me? Jin!' Kazuya was trying not to panic as he tried making that call. Right then, the other four entered the room and were shocked to see the view presented.
“What happened?” They all rushed beside the two men on the floor.
“Y-Yucchi, Jin... please call an ambulance.”
In the meantime, Jin fell unconscious and all of them were scared because of the amount of blood that was flowing from his wound. Soon enough the doctor came and took the idol away, eventually allowing Kazuya to go with them. Once arrived at the hospital, the others found Kazuya on a bench, just staring into empty space.
“Kame?”
“Koki... it's all my fault.” he was hugged by the rapper, who then sat down near him, followed by the other three.
“What happened?”
“Well...” He started telling them about the deal he made with Jin: Kazuya was supposed to follow Jin's rules until he would have gained some weight. In case he wouldn't respect them, Jin would do something that would make Kazuya feel the pain he felt when he saw how underfed he was. But he never imagined Jin would do such an extreme act.
“No offense, but it took you long enough to realize how Jin feels about you. Even when he called us from the States he'd ask about you first. He cares a lot about you, Kame-chan.” Maru told the younger one.
“He's so stupid.” Kazuya muttered, but was heard by Tat-chan.
“No, you're the stupid one. Ever since you collapsed that day and Jin took you home you seemed to regain you strength and charm, but starting last week... we noticed you changing back to how you were while he was away. But we said nothing, as we wanted to see how things evolved.”
“I...” The youngest was about to start defending himself when they saw the doctor approaching.
“Sensei, how is he?”
“He's suffered only a superficial wound. I recommend you take him home and make him rest. His body is very tired.”
“Thank you, sensei.” Maru let out and saw the others heave a relieved sigh. Soon, Jin appeared through the glass door, walking slowly towards them.
“What was in your head, you fat idiot? And why did you get out of bed?” Tat-chan let out, angered.
“Are you ok?” Junno asked him.
“I'm ok. Don't worry.” he smiled. He then noticed the youngest of them fighting back his tears; he excused himself and told the others to go ahead and that he'd follow them with Kazuya, as he wanted to talk to the younger one first. The four eventually nodded in agreement and left the two alone to deal with their problem.
“Why are you crying, Kazuya?” he let out as he made his way towards the younger one, smiling.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you do that? You could've died!”
“No, I wouldn't have died.”
“I hate you.”
“Then why are you here? And why did you ask the doctors to let you tag along?” Kazuya looked up and Jin saw in his eyes how much he was suffering.
“Isn't it obvious? I was worried! Why are you smiling?” Jin pulled him into his arms and hugged him tight, also placing a soft kiss on his head.
“Thank you for your concern. I love you, Kazu.” he whispered.
“Idiot.” his tears started falling as he glued his head to the older one's chest, his arms encircling the other's waist. “Don't do that again.”
“Only if you follow my rules.”
“I hate your rules!” he looked at Jin.
“But you love me, so you will follow them.” the older one smiled.
“I...”
“Let's go home, Kazu. You have to cook for the both of us.”
“But I'm not eating.”
“Yes you are. Or the media will find out about this.”
“You wouldn't!”
“Oh yes I would. Now let's go.”
“But-”
Jin leaned in. “Don't make me kiss you here, turtle. Let's go.”
What could Kazuya do but to listen to him? After what Jin did, Kazuya finally accepted both their feelings and made a reluctant promise to follow Jin's rules. For the time being.
Pairing: AKame
Genre: romance, angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jin returns after six months spent in the States, What he finds upon his return isn't something he likes, so he decides to make a deal.
A/N: This is for my dear Mari-kun (mouter ). I promised to write this a long while ago, so I apologize for posting it so late *shot* I wanted to insist on the problem more, but it didn't seem to happen *sigh* But I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless ^_^ Douzo, enjoy~
~*~*~
Jin couldn't wait to meet his band mates after such a long time spent abroad. He was sure they were mad at him, but he would explain the situation to them. Jin was sure they'd understand him; he didn't know exactly why, but he was pretty certain of that.
He entered the band's dressing room early that morning, hoping to find the others there. But it seemed he was the first one to arrive. He shrugged and then proceeded to change his clothes. Not long after, he heard Koki's cheerful voice telling some sort of funny story to the others, who were laughing at it. He could distinguish the voices, recognizing Maru, Tat-chan and Junno's. But where was Kame? The four entered the room and stopped talking and laughing as they saw who was inside. For a few moments, silence lay over them, the five people staring at each other. But them Koki broke it, shouting Jin's name and jumped to hug him, followed soon by the others. They really seemed happy to have him back. Jin noticed the 'K' in the band was still missing.
“Where's Kame?” he asked after everyone calmed down a bit.
“He's not here? He's usually the first one to arrive.” Maru answered as he made his way to his locker. “I hope he won't be late, though. We have a photo shoot in an hour.”
“'Morning.” All five figures turned their heads towards the door at a very tired-looking Kame. “What?” he asked grumpily.
“Um... nothing. Except that... Jin's back?” Ueda answered ironically.
“Huh?” Kame looked in the direction the older one pointed, his eyes setting on a smiling form.
“Hi Kazu. Hisashiburi ne?”
“Um... un. Hisashiburi.” He let out, going to his locker. Jin looked at Maru with a questioning look, who shrugged back in response and got back to what he was doing. He noticed the younger one taking his clothes and leaving the room.
“Where's he going?”
“Huh? Oh... I don't know, actually.” Koki answered.
Jin thought it was strange, so he followed the younger man; it seemed that he went to the restroom. After Kame entered, Jin plopped himself in the doorway and watched the younger one undress. He noticed something was different about him and before he could stop himself, he said “You're too skinny.” The younger one turned around shocked. “Is that why you're not changing with the rest of us?” He didn't receive a reply from the younger one, who seemed to be mad at something. “You don't seem to be happy I'm back.” He let out and stepped inside, closing the door. The other seemed to stop for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. “I see you're mad at me.” The moment those words left his mouth, Kazuya snapped.
“Mad? That's an understatement.” he said lowly before rising his tone a bit. “I had to carry your weight on my shoulders as well as mine and the others! And you have no idea how that is.” he let out and wanted to get out, but Jin stopped him and pushed him to the nearest wall.
“You know it wasn't my choice.” he whispered, disappointed to hear such words coming out of the mouth of the person he thought understood him more.
“The hell it wasn't.” Kame narrowed his eyes as he let out in a low voice. “Let me go, Akanishi.”
“No. I missed you, you stupid turtle. You could have at least said 'okaeri'.” Jin hugged his friend.
“I...” Kazuya's words seemed to die in his throat. “Okaeri.” he whispered as he gave into Jin's hug. The latter could feel Kazuya lose some of his tension and smiled.
“What happened to you? You really are skinny.” He poked the younger one's ribs, who didn't seem to like it, removing Jin's hand.
“I had a lot of work to do.”
“Well now that I'm back you'll have to start looking human again. I mean... look at those dark bags under your eyes.” he traced said shadows gently.
“Don't start. Now let's go back.” He escaped Jin's grip and glided out of the restroom, soon followed by Jin, who was trying to figure out the exact reason why Kame was like that.
Once back in the dressing room, Jin noticed the mood change inside: the other four seemed stiffer than ten minutes before. And he wanted to know why.
*
Jin was a bit annoyed by the way the younger was acting: he hated being ignored or shoved aside, which was exactly what Kame was doing, in his opinion. Yet he noticed the others trying to make things better and was very grateful to them.
When he left Japan, he was almost certain that the others had to work a lot more to cover for his absence and it seemed that they managed to pull it off. But as he found out over the following days, Kazuya had to do all the hard work: both his and Jin's, which was one of the things that drove him into losing so much weight. Jin started feeling guilty about this fact and tried all the ways he could to get the younger one to talk to him. But Kazuya just ignored him each time.
He was getting desperate and decided to seek out the help of the other four. They gladly accepted to help, given the fact that they were also very concerned about the youngest of them. But nothing seemed to work. That's when Jin decided to turn the page and act the way Kazuya was acting.
One afternoon in the rehearsal studio
“What's wrong with you, Kamenashi? You keep stepping on my feet when you turn around! Don't you have enough space?” He let out in an annoyed tone.
“Shut up, Akanishi.” Kazuya said as he went back to his spot, going past Jin. The older one was really concerned about Kazuya's condition, noticing things were getting worse by the day. And to top that, with the next twirl he did, the younger one found himself crashing down onto the floor. Before he blacked out, he saw Jin catching him.
The other four and the dance instructor were alarmed the second they saw the younger one lose conscience.
“Gin-san, is it ok if I take him home? He looks like he needs rest and something to eat.” he let out, glancing at the unconscious form in his arms. “If the manager asks something about us, make something up. I don't think it's good for this to leave the room.” The moment he got the approval from everyone inside, Jin left with the younger one in his arms.
He took Kazuya to his place - it being closer to the jimusho - and placed him in his bed. He made sure the younger one wouldn't catch a cold and pulled up a chair, watching him. Almost two hours had passed until Kazuya regained conscience and when he did, Jin noticed the frown on his face as he woke up.
“Where am I?” he let out in the meekest voice possible.
“At my place.” Jin answered him.
“Huh? Oh... it's you, Akanishi...” The younger one wanted to get out of bed, but Jin was fast enough and made him lie back down. “Let me get up. I want to go back to work.”
“You're not going anywhere.” he said softly, covering the younger one.
“I have work to do, Akanishi!” Kazuya spat out.
“With that weak and skinny body of yours? I doubt that.”
“Oh? Says who?” he raised an eyebrow.
“Says me. I just declared myself your caretaker until you strengthen up and get your health back.”
“But I am healthy!”
“Sure you are. Collapsing at work due to lack of sleep and food is the definition of healthy, right?”
“Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.” he frowned and huffed his cheeks.
“You're not going anywhere today, just so it's clear to you.”
“What?? I have to go home!”
“You can sleep here too. I'll take the couch.”
“But I don't want to!” he tried to argue.
“Stay here. I'll go make you something to eat.” he let out softly, ignoring the younger one's words.
“I'm not hungry!” Kazuya shouted after Jin left the room.
“I don't care!” Soon came the reply.
Jin was busy trying to cook something simple when he heard noises in the hallway. He went to see what was happening and he felt his blood boil at what he saw: the younger one was trying to put his shoes and jacket on. Jin was by his side in less than a second and grabbed his wrist, then lifted him up.
“Akanishi, it hurts!” he tried struggling, but Jin's grip on him was tight.
“I told you to stay in bed.” he let out as they entered the bedroom and the older one practically threw Kazuya on the bed. “Now do as I say.”
“Not in this life!” the younger one frowned as he got up and tried to leave again. But Jin gripped his wrist, pulled Kazuya's arms to his back and pushed him to the wall, leaning in.
“I don't like the fact that you've been avoiding me.” he whispered. The younger one kept struggling to free himself, but it was in vain; he was too weak compared to the other. “And I don't understand why you won't talk to me. I mean... I know you must be pissed at me, I understand that. But please, let me...”
“Shut up and let me go.” Jin noticed his shaky voice, but he wanted to set things straight first.
“Not until you hear me out.” Kazuya barely nodded and only then did Jin continue. “I know it was selfish of me to leave back then. But you know it wasn't my decision. Just because I did those things, it didn't mean he could just send me away like that. But I've changed there, Kazuya. I guess... it was a good thing, in a way.”
“I'm glad you're happy.” he let out crying, as Jin noticed, but in his always present ironic tone.
“I'm sorry I caused you all this pain and stress.” Jin whispered close to Kazuya's ear, placing a soft kiss on his temple. He then let go of his wrists and turned him around slowly and gently, his gaze falling on the younger one's face. He pulled him into a tight hug, trying to suppress his own tears. Jin was surprised when he felt the younger one's arms curl around his waist.
“I hate you, you idiot.” His words came out muffled as he hid his face at Jin's chest.
“Please humor me and stay here today.”
“I can't. I have to get-”
“I'll take you to your place in the morning.” The younger one seemed to think for a bit and then nodded. “Thank you.”
Jin managed to convince him to eat something; even if it took all his convincing skills, he managed to do it in the end. After Kazuya was full - by his own standards, not by Jin's, mind you - the older one made him go to sleep early - blackmailed him, to be more exact. After he was certain Kazuya was asleep, Jin went into his living room and plopped himself on the sofa, in front of the TV. He kept changing channels, not because he was bored, but because his mind was full of questions which he had a hard time finding answers to. Yet his biggest concern was the young man sleeping in his bed. He wanted to know what exactly brought him to lose so much weight, but not even then he couldn't figure it out.
He was startled when his younger band mate sat down on the sofa, next to him.
“Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?”
“I can't sleep.”
Jin looked at him and he was met by the cutest scene he saw up until that moment: the sleepy expression on Kazuya's face softened his tired features, and his fluffy hair topped it with utter cuteness.
“Stop there. I like that drama.”
“You have time to watch TV?”
“Shut up. I get to watch only re-runs.”
“Ah, I see.” The younger one leaned his head on Jin's shoulder and the latter instinctively put an arm around his shoulders, bringing him close.
“I miss the times when we could just stay like this...” the younger one said, just above a whisper.
“Me too. You should try to get some sleep. In a few days we have that press conference. I want you to look human.” At that moment, Kazuya poked Jin's ribs. “That hurt.” he chuckled softly. But it didnt't seem to bring a smile on the younger one's face. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You're not smiling.”
“Can I?”
“Don't give me that crap. You've been through worse situations and you still managed to smile.”
“I...”
“Forget it. I don't want to argue with you again.”
“Good.”
“Come on, I'll take you back to bed. We both need our sleep.”
“Ok.” Jin was a bit surprised that the younger one didn't argue back, but didn't complain. He guided Kazuya back and covered him. But when he wanted to leave, he gripped Jin's hand, making him look at the form on the bed.
“I'm cold.”
“I'll go get another blan-”
“No.” The two looked at each other for what it seemed an eternity. “Please don't leave me alone.” Jin noticed only then some needle marks on Kazuya's arms. He froze as a million of scenarios passed through his mind.
“What the hell have you done??” he almost yelled, utterly shocked.
“What?”
“What's with the needle marks?” he frowned. “Are you doing drugs as well as not eating? Are you insane?”
“It's all because of you! You know what? You should've stayed in America, for all I care! And I don't do drugs, idiot! They're from the vitamin shots I was forced to take!” He yelled back and hid under the blanket.
Jin could just stare at the younger one's covered form. His guilt was growing by the second, seeing him like that. He tried uncovering the younger one, but Kazuya didn't let go of the blanket.
“Leave me alone!”
“Kazu...” he suddenly pulled the cover off the other - who squealed in surprise - and struggled to pull him in his arms. “Stop fighting me.” he whispered.
“I hate you, Jin.”
“I know. Please calm down.”
“You're such an idiot.”
“I know that too. But this idiot cares too much about you.”
“What?” he wanted to look at his friend, but Jin just held him tight.
“You haven't considered other people's feelings regarding what you're doing to yourself, have you? Which makes you a bigger idiot than I am. I was sure you were strong enough to do what you were eventually forced to do. I believed in you. Yet what did you do? You let yourself be prey to anorexia.”
“I'm not anorexic!”
“Yes you are.”
“I'm n-”
“Don't argue with me. You're too skinny.”
“I'm not! I had to lose weight for-” Jin cut his words short as he pressed their lips together, shocking the younger one, who seemed to freeze in his spot.
“Now shut up and go to sleep.” Jin let out, not looking at Kazuya.
“Jin...” the younger one whispered, brushing his fingertips over his lips.
“Come on, get back under the blanket.”
“Jin.”
“Yes?”
“Keep-keep me warm?” he asked unsure, not looking at Jin. “I-I mean... there's enough room on the bed for the both of us.” he whispered. Jin smiled and caressed the younger one's hair.
“Sure. Move over.” he let out and lied down next to the younger one.
*
The next day, Jin and Kazuya entered the dressing room and each went to their locked, greeting the others first, of course.
“Kame... you look... better.” Koki remarked.
“I... slept pretty well last night.” he smiled faintly at his band mate.
“Kame... are you ok?” Tat-chan asked. “I mean... you're not your bitchy self today... and you're smiling.”
“I'm fine.”
“And you're actually changing here.” Maru raised an eyebrow as he followed the younger one's movements.
“Guys, I'm fine. Really.” he changed his shirt and went past by the three who gathered around him. After he left the room, three pairs of eyes turned to Jin. Sensing that, he turned to face them.
“What?”
“What did you do to him?” Koki eyed him suspiciously.
“Who? Me? Nothing.”
“What happened yesterday?”
“I... took him home.”
“Yours or his?” Tat-chan asked ironically.
“His, of course.” Jin rolled his eyes and left as well. He didn't want to give himself away or Kazuya. Especially the pact the two made.
Over the next few days, Kazuya seemed to gain some color in his cheeks and more strength, making the others feel relieved, even if they didn't know the reason behind the change. Even the tension between all of them was slowly fading and everyone was happy to see the youngest come back to life and be his old self. They all liked the change.
But then, in one of the days Jin didn't show up for practice since he had to take care of something. And that's when the others noticed Kame acting weird again. He tried avoiding all of them and tried dodging their questions, soon managing to escape them. But he was hoping Jin wouldn't find out. If he did, he was sure the older one would hold his end of the deal and Kazuya didn't want that.
“Kazu, are you ok?” he was startled out of his thoughts by Jin, who apparently returned at the jimusho before going home.
“Huh? Oh. Yeah.” he smiled mildly.
“Did you eat what I left you?”
“I, um... yeah, I did.”
“That answer doesn't sound very convincing.” he raised an eyebrow.
“I ate a part of it.” Kazuya looked away, trying to lie.
“You didn't eat it, did you?” The creepy smile Jin had plastered on his face seemed pretty scary to Kazuya.
“I...”
“Let's go eat something.” he grabbed the younger one's hand and dragged him along, downstairs to the cafeteria, where he bought him quite a big amount of food.
“Jin, I can't eat that!”
“You will. Well at least if you don't want me to end the deal and do my part. And you know I can.” Jin smiled. Kazuya gulped and started eating. Who knows what was in Jin's head and what he would do.
“I can't eat anymore! If I do, I'll explode!”
“Ok then. I think it was enough, anyway.” he let out and took the trays away, then he returned and took Kazuya back up. But before they entered the dressing room, Jin shoved the younger one in the nearest restroom and locked the door.
“Jin, what are you doing? We should get b-” he felt the older one pressing his lips against his own in a needy kiss, a kiss that Kazuya accepted and even deepened. It was only their second kiss, but Kazuya felt safe when doing it. And loved. He had realized what Jin's feelings were, but he just couldn't bring himself to follow the rules the older one had set for him. During the months Jin was away, he overworked himself only so he could forget all the bad things and thus ended up stop eating and started losing weight. He thought he was too fat, Jin always spoiling him with good stuff. So while he was away, he could get rid of the weight he had gained. But now he was starting to feel guilty seeing the older one taking such good care of him, and what was he doing? Trying to go back to the routine he had while Jin was away: one or two coffees in the mornings, a low fat yoghurt for lunch and lemonade for dinner. Good thing Jin didn't find out his old diet, or else who knows how he'd have reacted. Which reminded him: he had to get rid of the food he just ate. But Jin was right there with him and it was impossible to carry out his plan.
“Someone might come in over us.” he tried to push Jin away.
“The door is locked.” the older one let out and resumed his task.
“I need to use the toilet.”
Jin groaned.
“Go ahead.”
“But I can't do it knowing you're waiting for me here.” he smiled apologetically.
“Fine. I'll wait for you in the dressing room. The guys might be at the photo shoot for their parts.” Jin grinned and placed a swift kiss on Kazuya's lips before getting out. The younger one's smile faltered as he made his way into one of the cubicles.
In the dressing room
Jin was waiting for the younger one to return so he could enjoy the few peaceful moments they still had left until they joined the others.
“He sure is taking his time...” he glanced at his watch and paced around the room, trying to find something to do until Kazuya came back. Once the younger one entered the room, Jin stopped and smiled at him. “Sure took you long enough. Let's go, the others must be waiting for us.” he walked towards him and as he stopped right next to him, his smile died. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing my ass. You threw it all out, didn't you?” Jin frowned.
“I didn't!”
“Then why is your face white and your eyes red and puffy?”
“Because...”
“You do realize that I have to fulfill my end of the deal now, right?” he let out calmly, making Kazuya look at him in horror.
“Jin, no. Please!” Jin didn't listen to Kazuya's pleas as he searched for something. “Jin, don't! I promise I'll listen from now on!”
“Too late, Kazuya.”
“Jin, don't! Please...” tears were already falling from his eyes as he hugged the older one.
“Let... me... go.” he pushed Kazuya away as he grabbed the first sharp thing he found and pushed it into his skin.
“Jin, don't! No!!” he got up from the floor and rushed to the older one's side, who was now kneeling on the floor. “Why are you punishing me like this?” his tears fell one after another down his face as he hugged Jin to his chest. “Why did you do this?”
“Because... I can't stand seeing you like that. And because I feel useless. I just wanted to help you because...”
“Because? Jin?”
“Because I love you. And now that I told you this, I can die in peace.” his eyes closed as the pain was too overwhelming for him to bare.
“Don't say that! Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance. Jin, can you hear me? Jin!' Kazuya was trying not to panic as he tried making that call. Right then, the other four entered the room and were shocked to see the view presented.
“What happened?” They all rushed beside the two men on the floor.
“Y-Yucchi, Jin... please call an ambulance.”
In the meantime, Jin fell unconscious and all of them were scared because of the amount of blood that was flowing from his wound. Soon enough the doctor came and took the idol away, eventually allowing Kazuya to go with them. Once arrived at the hospital, the others found Kazuya on a bench, just staring into empty space.
“Kame?”
“Koki... it's all my fault.” he was hugged by the rapper, who then sat down near him, followed by the other three.
“What happened?”
“Well...” He started telling them about the deal he made with Jin: Kazuya was supposed to follow Jin's rules until he would have gained some weight. In case he wouldn't respect them, Jin would do something that would make Kazuya feel the pain he felt when he saw how underfed he was. But he never imagined Jin would do such an extreme act.
“No offense, but it took you long enough to realize how Jin feels about you. Even when he called us from the States he'd ask about you first. He cares a lot about you, Kame-chan.” Maru told the younger one.
“He's so stupid.” Kazuya muttered, but was heard by Tat-chan.
“No, you're the stupid one. Ever since you collapsed that day and Jin took you home you seemed to regain you strength and charm, but starting last week... we noticed you changing back to how you were while he was away. But we said nothing, as we wanted to see how things evolved.”
“I...” The youngest was about to start defending himself when they saw the doctor approaching.
“Sensei, how is he?”
“He's suffered only a superficial wound. I recommend you take him home and make him rest. His body is very tired.”
“Thank you, sensei.” Maru let out and saw the others heave a relieved sigh. Soon, Jin appeared through the glass door, walking slowly towards them.
“What was in your head, you fat idiot? And why did you get out of bed?” Tat-chan let out, angered.
“Are you ok?” Junno asked him.
“I'm ok. Don't worry.” he smiled. He then noticed the youngest of them fighting back his tears; he excused himself and told the others to go ahead and that he'd follow them with Kazuya, as he wanted to talk to the younger one first. The four eventually nodded in agreement and left the two alone to deal with their problem.
“Why are you crying, Kazuya?” he let out as he made his way towards the younger one, smiling.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you do that? You could've died!”
“No, I wouldn't have died.”
“I hate you.”
“Then why are you here? And why did you ask the doctors to let you tag along?” Kazuya looked up and Jin saw in his eyes how much he was suffering.
“Isn't it obvious? I was worried! Why are you smiling?” Jin pulled him into his arms and hugged him tight, also placing a soft kiss on his head.
“Thank you for your concern. I love you, Kazu.” he whispered.
“Idiot.” his tears started falling as he glued his head to the older one's chest, his arms encircling the other's waist. “Don't do that again.”
“Only if you follow my rules.”
“I hate your rules!” he looked at Jin.
“But you love me, so you will follow them.” the older one smiled.
“I...”
“Let's go home, Kazu. You have to cook for the both of us.”
“But I'm not eating.”
“Yes you are. Or the media will find out about this.”
“You wouldn't!”
“Oh yes I would. Now let's go.”
“But-”
Jin leaned in. “Don't make me kiss you here, turtle. Let's go.”
What could Kazuya do but to listen to him? After what Jin did, Kazuya finally accepted both their feelings and made a reluctant promise to follow Jin's rules. For the time being.