So much bad in only seven paragraphs!
There is an impossible amount of badkink!fic, especially if you like mpreg. Which I do.
Sometimes, it make me want to cry. If it's not a caricature of women it's some kind of worldly and fully capable teenager.
Thankfully this bit just made me laugh.
He was about to get out of the shower when he noticed his chest was more bloated looking than normal. David has always been thin and muscular so this perplexed him. He thought he might of eaten too much at the dinner, and continued to get ready for the wedding.
If I went up a cup size in twelve hours I'd chalk it up to a misplaced food baby too! Oh, and really? It took him about twenty minutes to notice this?
After the coffee was finished he headed outside with a cup, and walked to the edge of the lake nearby. From the reflection in the water David thought he looked slightly larger, but he decided it was an illusion. The lake? Not the mirror that is presumably in the bathroom, or the one also presumably in your guest bedroom? The windows you probably passed on your way out to the lake? Nope? None of these flat reflective surfaces that don't look like illusions? As he walked back he could of sworn he felt something moving inside him, but he had too many things to worry about. Yup. That could be a parasite, or an alien, or some kind of warning for a gastrointestinal explosion of epic proportions, but he can't be bothered! He's got coffee to drink and three more nonsensical minimal detail paragraphs to get through!
Oh, but the last two paragraphs take the cake!
David was one of the groomsmen, and he was standing by the couple as they said their vows. He started to feel as if something wanted to come out of him. Is that the gas I was talking about? The crowd watched as he collapsed, screaming from the pain he was experiencing. FIBER IS YOUR FRIEND! The minister started praying and the many people came to David's aid. Suddenly all the wedding guests became doctors!
David began to put two and two together and determined that he was pregnant. WUT He had no time to make it to the hospital and knew he would have to give birth there. He began to push, and slowly the baby's head emerged. The other guests had no clue what was happening (maybe if he took off his pants), and continued to watch as the baby's shoulders emerged from David's body.The baby was perfectly healthy, and David felt a huge relief after delivering the baby. The bride and groom finished their vows and many people congratulated the new father and the married couple. *blinks* I just- I don't know- what the shit just happened?!
Things I am confused about:
-Why did he assume he was pregnant?
-When did he take his pants off?
-Why did everyone leave their seats if they didn't know what was going on?
-WHY DID THEY JUST STAND THERE?! DOESN'T ANYONE HAVE A CELL? TO, YOU KNOW, CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE?
-Did they finish off the ceremony with everyone still crowded around the alter and a guy with his pants down holding a newborn still presumably attached to him? O_O
Sometimes, it make me want to cry. If it's not a caricature of women it's some kind of worldly and fully capable teenager.
Thankfully this bit just made me laugh.
He was about to get out of the shower when he noticed his chest was more bloated looking than normal. David has always been thin and muscular so this perplexed him. He thought he might of eaten too much at the dinner, and continued to get ready for the wedding.
If I went up a cup size in twelve hours I'd chalk it up to a misplaced food baby too! Oh, and really? It took him about twenty minutes to notice this?
After the coffee was finished he headed outside with a cup, and walked to the edge of the lake nearby. From the reflection in the water David thought he looked slightly larger, but he decided it was an illusion. The lake? Not the mirror that is presumably in the bathroom, or the one also presumably in your guest bedroom? The windows you probably passed on your way out to the lake? Nope? None of these flat reflective surfaces that don't look like illusions? As he walked back he could of sworn he felt something moving inside him, but he had too many things to worry about. Yup. That could be a parasite, or an alien, or some kind of warning for a gastrointestinal explosion of epic proportions, but he can't be bothered! He's got coffee to drink and three more nonsensical minimal detail paragraphs to get through!
Oh, but the last two paragraphs take the cake!
David was one of the groomsmen, and he was standing by the couple as they said their vows. He started to feel as if something wanted to come out of him. Is that the gas I was talking about? The crowd watched as he collapsed, screaming from the pain he was experiencing. FIBER IS YOUR FRIEND! The minister started praying and the many people came to David's aid. Suddenly all the wedding guests became doctors!
David began to put two and two together and determined that he was pregnant. WUT He had no time to make it to the hospital and knew he would have to give birth there. He began to push, and slowly the baby's head emerged. The other guests had no clue what was happening (maybe if he took off his pants), and continued to watch as the baby's shoulders emerged from David's body.The baby was perfectly healthy, and David felt a huge relief after delivering the baby. The bride and groom finished their vows and many people congratulated the new father and the married couple. *blinks* I just- I don't know- what the shit just happened?!
Things I am confused about:
-Why did he assume he was pregnant?
-When did he take his pants off?
-Why did everyone leave their seats if they didn't know what was going on?
-WHY DID THEY JUST STAND THERE?! DOESN'T ANYONE HAVE A CELL? TO, YOU KNOW, CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE?
-Did they finish off the ceremony with everyone still crowded around the alter and a guy with his pants down holding a newborn still presumably attached to him? O_O