Bleach fandom, there are times i hate you. This is one of those times.
Bleach fandom...why you always gotta go and produce such complete and utter ooc fanfic doo-doo's? XD Sporking in bold, fanfic in regular text.
Strawberry Lovers
A/N: This is my first Bleach fanfiction. I know that the characters are totally OOC, since I am not a die-hard Bleach fan.
That is NOT a very reassuring first line to see when I open a fanfic...
This story is AU (sort of) and involves lemonade of the sourest kind. My Japanese is incredibly rusty and all terminology that is generally included with Japan, so try and ignore my mistakes…
Sort of? Is it or isn't it? Its easy enough to tell if a fic is AU or not. LEMONADE YOU SAY? *straps in* This might get ugly folks! And emm...just a tiny suggestion...if you dont feel confident bout using another language...hows bout NOT using it? Just a crazy idea....
My very special birthday present to all of you. Happy birthday! (to myself)
....*eyes the present* can i return it? tell me it has a return policy or something....
We start off with an angsty emo Orihime who seems to be very popular amongst certain circles being all emo bout SOMETHING that happened between SOMEONE (three guesses who and the first two don't count :P)
But then… he came. Ichigo had come home from his own Bachelor's party, but no one would know why.
...no one would know why Ichigo came home from his own Bachelor party? Call me crazy but maybe he wants to..ooooh i dunno...SLEEP?
"Kurosaki-kun." She gave him a blunt response, not really answering his question at all.
*scandalized gasp* THAT IS SO RUDE D: Apologize right now for being so damn blunt, RIGHT NOW ORIHIME!
"I'm ditching. It's getting too crazy for me over there. I'm getting married in two days. Rukia would kick my ass if I came to our wedding incredibly hung over from drinking two days ago."
......now I've never had any alcohol but...I don't think thats how hangovers work Ichigo.
Together, the two walked towards the small café that lay near the house, and sat down in a booth.
The police often came to push that sleeping cafe off the bench but it just wouldnt stop its hobo ways and continue to lie down near nice houses *tsk tsk tsk*
The waitress came over and got their drinks, leaving them to silently sit in an awkward silence. "So, Inoue. How have you been?"
This sentence immediately follows the once above. Which leads to only ONE conclusion. THE WAITRESS IS PSYCHIC D: She read their minds and didnt have to take their order :O
"I'm fine," she said a little more sharply. He stopped trying, hearing the venom laced within her words. When had Inoue become this… harsh towards him?
The minute the author got exposed to badficintitus germs :O They're damned little buggers those germs *shakes fist at them* symptoms include bad grammar, purple prose, ooc-ness, random author notes and extreme fluctuations in characterization
She bitterly allowed him and they walked home in yet another awkward silence.
HOW do you bitterly allow someone to walk you home? Without any words exchanged at that? No im serious, HOW.
"Inoue… Can I come in for a couple minutes?"
"I really don't think that's a good idea-"
"Too bad." He walked in and she closed the door. "What do you want?"
....
She shook off his grasp. "Please, I would appreciate it if you got out." She went to open the door and turned back to him, but he was now making himself comfortable on her couch.
Has Ichigo been taken lessons from the yakuza or something in bad manners? :/
"What is he doing here?" Tatsuki was trying to keep her cool, but it was hard to do when she was whisper-yelling at her best friend.
Whisper-yelling...WHISPER YELLING. whisper YELLING. I dont even
Yak yak yak Ichigo wakes up and still insists on knowing what is Orihime's big secret (while Tatsuki tells him that Rukia's been freaking out where he was last night. Orihime finally caves and starts telling him why shes been avoiding him for the past 5 years. Like I need to tell you why at this point :\)
"...I had to learn how to protect myself from being hurt. I couldn't get hurt, not again. Hachi-san helped me with my powers, but I had to learn on my own how to stop get so emotionally hurt."
As opposed to perhaps getting a self-help book and learning from that? *headsmack of exasperation*
"So I tried. Those were the days when I stopped smiling so much, and I started thinking more negative thoughts. Tatsuki forced me to go to the doctor after a couple months of acting so much differently, and they told me I had mental depression."
Yeah I'm feeling some mental depression as I read this fic too...maybe I need to see a doctor too...
"They gave me some pills, which never helped me at all. I started thinking that night about how everyday in class, you and Kuchiki-san would walk in, holding hands or kissing or something. And that killed me on the inside. I had been doing something, and I can't remember what. But there was broken glass all over the floor and I picked it up with my bare hands… I cut myself with a big piece, and I just watched the blood drip down my arm. I couldn't stop cutting myself, and I just felt like I needed to. I kept cutting and in the end, there were probably six or seven cuts on my arm. I stared at them for the longest time, but Tatsuki came over. She brought me to the hospital before I did any real damage to myself and saved me."
......*pinches the bridge of her nose* Her entire speech is like 3 paragraphs of this size without any actions or ANYTHING inbetween them. And making Hime into a cutter? FOR CRIPES SAKE! HOW can you ever think that Orihime would do such a thing like that?! Thats like spitting in Ichigo's face given that he was the one who saved her twice!
OH MY FUCKING GOD *gawks* THAT is the fucking LONGEST speech I have seen ANY character make in ANY fic! *counts* 1,400 words?! HOLY SHIT. She really wasn't kidding when she said that it was a long story = =;;;;
"I told her how I wanted to see you, and Yuzu told me how I probably didn't want to do that. I asked her why, but then I heard… screaming. It was Kuchiki-san and you having… sex. She had managed to get there before I did, and you two made up before I could do anything. I hated hearing you two calling for each other so loudly, and Yuzu looked pained, but not for the same reason. "
Oh yes...CLEARLY Ichigo is the type of guy and brother who would have LOUD monkey sex in his room which is close to his little sisters' room and his father somewhere in the vicinity. GOTCHA. MAKES SENSE TO ME *overturns a table* THE HELL IT DOES D: This is BEYOND a LITTLE OOC!
"I stabbed myself in the stomach with the knife, twice, and I fell onto the ground when Karin finally came into the kitchen....I made sure Karin didn't take me to the hospital that night, but she called Tatsuki. They helped me fix it up as well as I could, before I remembered my Shun Shun Rikka. I called them to save me, and they fixed it up. I didn't want them to fix it completely, so I made sure they left a scar. To remind me of what happened that night and to make sure that I never fall in love with you again. "
Harekari, yer doin it rong Hime. And thats....a new way to commit suicide i'll give you that....what are the chances of surviving that? No really...what are they? Oo|||| OH HOW VERY SMART~ you made SURE that Karin didnt call the hospital? HOW? Did you threaten to BLEED all over her? Tch.
Orihime kicks Ichi out who is all "b-but you just told me that you've loved me for years and now yer telling me to gtfo?" Hime's like "ya rly *doorslam*" and then refuses to go to the wedding. And is going to America earlier than planned.
"Just... be really careful in America, okay? They have rapists there and I can't protect you anymore."
...RAPISTS IN AMERICA? D: ITS MORE LIKELY THANK YOU THINK!
Next day, on his WEDDING DAY, Ichigo is told by a very pissy and pissed off Tatsuki that Orihime left for America that morning. And what does our groom do? JUMP INTO A CAR AND RACE TO THE AIRPORT TO GET HER BACK.
After take off, he was finally able to get out of his seat and he practically shot out of his ass. Couldn't help that one sorry. aaaaaanyways...Ichigo find Orihime, he tells her that he wants her to be happy in Karakura, they'll make it work blah fucking blah.
"Why are you making this so difficult?"
"I'm not trying to-"
"Of course you are. Why don't you want to fix this? We used to be such great friends. Don't you want to go back to being that?"
YES Ichigo can be exceptionally dense at times but that doesnt mean that he lacks ENOUGH common sense to say shit like THAT. more irritating speech which isn't accompanied with enough character actions. They get off the plane after agreeing that yeah Ichigo needs to get his ass to Rukia. AND THEN~
She began to walk away from him and he stood there, helpless. Suddenly, loud bangs went off that resonating through the airport. People began screaming and ducking, hearing the gunfire. Ichigo ran off, looking for Orihime in the crowd. He finally spotted her and grabbed onto her midsection. He pulled her underneath a nearby table and shielded her body with his. They waited until the police came by and told everyone that the people who had been shooting had been caught.
Wow...THAT might have just been the most fucking BORING shooting scene EVER in the history of fanfiction = = They then have to stay in the same hotel room cause all the other rooms are booked (WOW I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING AT ALL /heavy sarcasm)
Nighttime fell over them like a shade, and they were both getting ready for bed. Orihime took out her pajamas and Ichigo stared at her. "Turn around, you hentai."
"Or you could just go and change in the bathroom, you skank." Ichigo scowled as he retorted with more heat than was strictly necessary.
Naturally they wind up having sex and three months later (or whatever, who cares at this point because THE DRAMA IS JUST SO RIVETING!) Orihime is worrying that she might be pregnant and decides that shes gotta tell Ichigo that there might be a bun in the oven. Only to meet Rukia at the front door of the Kurosaki house.
"Can I ask you a question, Orihime?" Said girl nodded. "Why would you tell my husband that I'm pregnant? I told you all that in confidence, and you went off and told him. I didn't even get the chance!"
"Gomen, Rukia-san. I… I just needed to tell Ichigo-kun that. For personal reasons."
"What personal reasons could you have to tell my husband that I'm pregnant?"
"…I can't say. Is Ichigo-kun here? I really need to talk to him."
"Orihime. You told him that I was pregnant. I don't know if I should even let you talk to him. I'm afraid you might tell him something bad about me. What do you need to talk to him about anyways?"
Oh yeah. That sounds PERFECTLY reasonable. Your good friend tells your husband that "hey yer wife is preggars" and wifey is all "you aint EVER talking to my hubby again you bitch". Dem damn hormones must be behind this character change *nodnod* "I'm afraid you might tell him something bad about me"? *rolls around laughing* I'm sorry like what? "Hey Ichigo guess what? Your wife has atheles foot!" Anyways...Ichigo chases after her and OF COURSE Orihime's pregnant.
Orihime's cover story was that she had a drunken one night stand and got pregnant by some random guy.
Which I'm sure is gonna blow up in her face when the kid comes out and has bright orange hair.....mark my words.
Oh Christ I cant go on, I can't read the epilogue *falls down on her knees* GO ON WITHOUT ME! If you have enough stomach to bear with all the stupidity and OOC-ness. WHY didn't the fact that Orihime and Ichigo had a affair bother EITHER of them? *headdesk to the fifth dimension* Just cause you're in love (and your wife slept with another guy) DOESNT excuse the fact that you (both [Ichi and Rukia]) HAD AN AFFAIR. But nooooo that would ruin the course of twu wub wouldnt it? YE GADS. Ichihime fandom, some days you make me wanna just give up!
Strawberry Lovers
A/N: This is my first Bleach fanfiction. I know that the characters are totally OOC, since I am not a die-hard Bleach fan.
That is NOT a very reassuring first line to see when I open a fanfic...
This story is AU (sort of) and involves lemonade of the sourest kind. My Japanese is incredibly rusty and all terminology that is generally included with Japan, so try and ignore my mistakes…
Sort of? Is it or isn't it? Its easy enough to tell if a fic is AU or not. LEMONADE YOU SAY? *straps in* This might get ugly folks! And emm...just a tiny suggestion...if you dont feel confident bout using another language...hows bout NOT using it? Just a crazy idea....
My very special birthday present to all of you. Happy birthday! (to myself)
....*eyes the present* can i return it? tell me it has a return policy or something....
We start off with an angsty emo Orihime who seems to be very popular amongst certain circles being all emo bout SOMETHING that happened between SOMEONE (three guesses who and the first two don't count :P)
But then… he came. Ichigo had come home from his own Bachelor's party, but no one would know why.
...no one would know why Ichigo came home from his own Bachelor party? Call me crazy but maybe he wants to..ooooh i dunno...SLEEP?
"Kurosaki-kun." She gave him a blunt response, not really answering his question at all.
*scandalized gasp* THAT IS SO RUDE D: Apologize right now for being so damn blunt, RIGHT NOW ORIHIME!
"I'm ditching. It's getting too crazy for me over there. I'm getting married in two days. Rukia would kick my ass if I came to our wedding incredibly hung over from drinking two days ago."
......now I've never had any alcohol but...I don't think thats how hangovers work Ichigo.
Together, the two walked towards the small café that lay near the house, and sat down in a booth.
The police often came to push that sleeping cafe off the bench but it just wouldnt stop its hobo ways and continue to lie down near nice houses *tsk tsk tsk*
The waitress came over and got their drinks, leaving them to silently sit in an awkward silence. "So, Inoue. How have you been?"
This sentence immediately follows the once above. Which leads to only ONE conclusion. THE WAITRESS IS PSYCHIC D: She read their minds and didnt have to take their order :O
"I'm fine," she said a little more sharply. He stopped trying, hearing the venom laced within her words. When had Inoue become this… harsh towards him?
The minute the author got exposed to badficintitus germs :O They're damned little buggers those germs *shakes fist at them* symptoms include bad grammar, purple prose, ooc-ness, random author notes and extreme fluctuations in characterization
She bitterly allowed him and they walked home in yet another awkward silence.
HOW do you bitterly allow someone to walk you home? Without any words exchanged at that? No im serious, HOW.
"Inoue… Can I come in for a couple minutes?"
"I really don't think that's a good idea-"
"Too bad." He walked in and she closed the door. "What do you want?"
....
She shook off his grasp. "Please, I would appreciate it if you got out." She went to open the door and turned back to him, but he was now making himself comfortable on her couch.
Has Ichigo been taken lessons from the yakuza or something in bad manners? :/
"What is he doing here?" Tatsuki was trying to keep her cool, but it was hard to do when she was whisper-yelling at her best friend.
Whisper-yelling...WHISPER YELLING. whisper YELLING. I dont even
Yak yak yak Ichigo wakes up and still insists on knowing what is Orihime's big secret (while Tatsuki tells him that Rukia's been freaking out where he was last night. Orihime finally caves and starts telling him why shes been avoiding him for the past 5 years. Like I need to tell you why at this point :\)
"...I had to learn how to protect myself from being hurt. I couldn't get hurt, not again. Hachi-san helped me with my powers, but I had to learn on my own how to stop get so emotionally hurt."
As opposed to perhaps getting a self-help book and learning from that? *headsmack of exasperation*
"So I tried. Those were the days when I stopped smiling so much, and I started thinking more negative thoughts. Tatsuki forced me to go to the doctor after a couple months of acting so much differently, and they told me I had mental depression."
Yeah I'm feeling some mental depression as I read this fic too...maybe I need to see a doctor too...
"They gave me some pills, which never helped me at all. I started thinking that night about how everyday in class, you and Kuchiki-san would walk in, holding hands or kissing or something. And that killed me on the inside. I had been doing something, and I can't remember what. But there was broken glass all over the floor and I picked it up with my bare hands… I cut myself with a big piece, and I just watched the blood drip down my arm. I couldn't stop cutting myself, and I just felt like I needed to. I kept cutting and in the end, there were probably six or seven cuts on my arm. I stared at them for the longest time, but Tatsuki came over. She brought me to the hospital before I did any real damage to myself and saved me."
......*pinches the bridge of her nose* Her entire speech is like 3 paragraphs of this size without any actions or ANYTHING inbetween them. And making Hime into a cutter? FOR CRIPES SAKE! HOW can you ever think that Orihime would do such a thing like that?! Thats like spitting in Ichigo's face given that he was the one who saved her twice!
OH MY FUCKING GOD *gawks* THAT is the fucking LONGEST speech I have seen ANY character make in ANY fic! *counts* 1,400 words?! HOLY SHIT. She really wasn't kidding when she said that it was a long story = =;;;;
"I told her how I wanted to see you, and Yuzu told me how I probably didn't want to do that. I asked her why, but then I heard… screaming. It was Kuchiki-san and you having… sex. She had managed to get there before I did, and you two made up before I could do anything. I hated hearing you two calling for each other so loudly, and Yuzu looked pained, but not for the same reason. "
Oh yes...CLEARLY Ichigo is the type of guy and brother who would have LOUD monkey sex in his room which is close to his little sisters' room and his father somewhere in the vicinity. GOTCHA. MAKES SENSE TO ME *overturns a table* THE HELL IT DOES D: This is BEYOND a LITTLE OOC!
"I stabbed myself in the stomach with the knife, twice, and I fell onto the ground when Karin finally came into the kitchen....I made sure Karin didn't take me to the hospital that night, but she called Tatsuki. They helped me fix it up as well as I could, before I remembered my Shun Shun Rikka. I called them to save me, and they fixed it up. I didn't want them to fix it completely, so I made sure they left a scar. To remind me of what happened that night and to make sure that I never fall in love with you again. "
Harekari, yer doin it rong Hime. And thats....a new way to commit suicide i'll give you that....what are the chances of surviving that? No really...what are they? Oo|||| OH HOW VERY SMART~ you made SURE that Karin didnt call the hospital? HOW? Did you threaten to BLEED all over her? Tch.
Orihime kicks Ichi out who is all "b-but you just told me that you've loved me for years and now yer telling me to gtfo?" Hime's like "ya rly *doorslam*" and then refuses to go to the wedding. And is going to America earlier than planned.
"Just... be really careful in America, okay? They have rapists there and I can't protect you anymore."
...RAPISTS IN AMERICA? D: ITS MORE LIKELY THANK YOU THINK!
Next day, on his WEDDING DAY, Ichigo is told by a very pissy and pissed off Tatsuki that Orihime left for America that morning. And what does our groom do? JUMP INTO A CAR AND RACE TO THE AIRPORT TO GET HER BACK.
After take off, he was finally able to get out of his seat and he practically shot out of his ass. Couldn't help that one sorry. aaaaaanyways...Ichigo find Orihime, he tells her that he wants her to be happy in Karakura, they'll make it work blah fucking blah.
"Why are you making this so difficult?"
"I'm not trying to-"
"Of course you are. Why don't you want to fix this? We used to be such great friends. Don't you want to go back to being that?"
YES Ichigo can be exceptionally dense at times but that doesnt mean that he lacks ENOUGH common sense to say shit like THAT. more irritating speech which isn't accompanied with enough character actions. They get off the plane after agreeing that yeah Ichigo needs to get his ass to Rukia. AND THEN~
She began to walk away from him and he stood there, helpless. Suddenly, loud bangs went off that resonating through the airport. People began screaming and ducking, hearing the gunfire. Ichigo ran off, looking for Orihime in the crowd. He finally spotted her and grabbed onto her midsection. He pulled her underneath a nearby table and shielded her body with his. They waited until the police came by and told everyone that the people who had been shooting had been caught.
Wow...THAT might have just been the most fucking BORING shooting scene EVER in the history of fanfiction = = They then have to stay in the same hotel room cause all the other rooms are booked (WOW I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING AT ALL /heavy sarcasm)
Nighttime fell over them like a shade, and they were both getting ready for bed. Orihime took out her pajamas and Ichigo stared at her. "Turn around, you hentai."
"Or you could just go and change in the bathroom, you skank." Ichigo scowled as he retorted with more heat than was strictly necessary.
Naturally they wind up having sex and three months later (or whatever, who cares at this point because THE DRAMA IS JUST SO RIVETING!) Orihime is worrying that she might be pregnant and decides that shes gotta tell Ichigo that there might be a bun in the oven. Only to meet Rukia at the front door of the Kurosaki house.
"Can I ask you a question, Orihime?" Said girl nodded. "Why would you tell my husband that I'm pregnant? I told you all that in confidence, and you went off and told him. I didn't even get the chance!"
"Gomen, Rukia-san. I… I just needed to tell Ichigo-kun that. For personal reasons."
"What personal reasons could you have to tell my husband that I'm pregnant?"
"…I can't say. Is Ichigo-kun here? I really need to talk to him."
"Orihime. You told him that I was pregnant. I don't know if I should even let you talk to him. I'm afraid you might tell him something bad about me. What do you need to talk to him about anyways?"
Oh yeah. That sounds PERFECTLY reasonable. Your good friend tells your husband that "hey yer wife is preggars" and wifey is all "you aint EVER talking to my hubby again you bitch". Dem damn hormones must be behind this character change *nodnod* "I'm afraid you might tell him something bad about me"? *rolls around laughing* I'm sorry like what? "Hey Ichigo guess what? Your wife has atheles foot!" Anyways...Ichigo chases after her and OF COURSE Orihime's pregnant.
Orihime's cover story was that she had a drunken one night stand and got pregnant by some random guy.
Which I'm sure is gonna blow up in her face when the kid comes out and has bright orange hair.....mark my words.
Oh Christ I cant go on, I can't read the epilogue *falls down on her knees* GO ON WITHOUT ME! If you have enough stomach to bear with all the stupidity and OOC-ness. WHY didn't the fact that Orihime and Ichigo had a affair bother EITHER of them? *headdesk to the fifth dimension* Just cause you're in love (and your wife slept with another guy) DOESNT excuse the fact that you (both [Ichi and Rukia]) HAD AN AFFAIR. But nooooo that would ruin the course of twu wub wouldnt it? YE GADS. Ichihime fandom, some days you make me wanna just give up!