(no subject)
Something is deeply wrong with our relationship. I see her in the morning for five minutes, and sometimes i'll see her around school, and that will be the only time i talk to her for the rest of the day. It struck me how sad it must be for HER, to know that she put a girl in this world, and she doesn't even live with her own daughters anymore, and we're only 12 and 14. Tomorrow, we're going to go shopping for bed sheets so we CAN spend the night, but i don't think it will ever get to the point where it's split completely evenly. I can never leave Dad alone for a long time. When he was out, i took the dogs and walked to Mom's, and left a note. He called me as soon as he got home, and walked to the end of the block since i was scared to walk home alone in the dark. I almost think he needs us to need him, how he makes Laine breakfast every morning even though she tells him not to, how he goes the extra mile to be a good dad. I feel like Dana was looking straight at me when she was talking about how the character in the book was raised primarily by her father. At the open house today, which i ended up going to and hanging out in the art room with everybody, Mom didn't know i'd be there. She brought a group in, and saw me, mouthed that she didn't know i was coming, and i won't talk to her for the rest of the night. We have a relationship of a carpooler and a faculty member at the school. I don't know if i'm even able to make things better.
I like him for how smart he is, and his hands, and the way he is. It's what he's done. As time goes on, i
get more and more angry because i realize how consious BOTH people were when it happened, how they both knew that i was seeing a friend, that i trusted both of them so much. And believe me, i don't want this to hang over me, and at least between him and me, it's gotten less awkward. I hate picturing being out on HER deck and kissing and feeling like with everything that was going on, at least i had one thing perfect. Memories are definitly the killer. And why is it that once the relationship ends, i feel like i need them the most? The people i most want a huge hug from are the people that i used to kiss and trust. It doesn't seem right, how one day you can be so close to somebody and how so quickly that relationship doesn't only shift, it goes away.
roar of thunder hear me cry.
I like him for how smart he is, and his hands, and the way he is. It's what he's done. As time goes on, i
get more and more angry because i realize how consious BOTH people were when it happened, how they both knew that i was seeing a friend, that i trusted both of them so much. And believe me, i don't want this to hang over me, and at least between him and me, it's gotten less awkward. I hate picturing being out on HER deck and kissing and feeling like with everything that was going on, at least i had one thing perfect. Memories are definitly the killer. And why is it that once the relationship ends, i feel like i need them the most? The people i most want a huge hug from are the people that i used to kiss and trust. It doesn't seem right, how one day you can be so close to somebody and how so quickly that relationship doesn't only shift, it goes away.
roar of thunder hear me cry.