(no subject)
The lake was beautiful today.
It was between block C and F today that i went crazy. My head was almost buzzing. And i acted so normal. I wanted to run away, to bang my head against something. Everything can't seem so right when it's so wrong. I'm hiding it all from myself. I'm doing it right now. And i want you to hold me, but i won't let you. And i want to save you, but i can't. She cut herself again. I'm going crazy. I almost cried, almost left and got Mom out of her office and started crying to her. I can't even cry anymore. I'm so jealous of people that can cry when they're upset. I'm either not as upset as i should be, or i'm just slowly becoming incapable of feeling anything beyond anger, frustration, and happiness. They're alone, and it makes me sad. Little animals. Death. Abandonment. The past. I'm going absolutely crazy but not compared to what some people are feeling, to what i'm going to feel later in life. I have a bad feeling something else is coming, but i think that maybe i'm wrong. Everything fell apart so quickly, why shouldn't anything else? I want you to hold me, please. Please step away.
It was between block C and F today that i went crazy. My head was almost buzzing. And i acted so normal. I wanted to run away, to bang my head against something. Everything can't seem so right when it's so wrong. I'm hiding it all from myself. I'm doing it right now. And i want you to hold me, but i won't let you. And i want to save you, but i can't. She cut herself again. I'm going crazy. I almost cried, almost left and got Mom out of her office and started crying to her. I can't even cry anymore. I'm so jealous of people that can cry when they're upset. I'm either not as upset as i should be, or i'm just slowly becoming incapable of feeling anything beyond anger, frustration, and happiness. They're alone, and it makes me sad. Little animals. Death. Abandonment. The past. I'm going absolutely crazy but not compared to what some people are feeling, to what i'm going to feel later in life. I have a bad feeling something else is coming, but i think that maybe i'm wrong. Everything fell apart so quickly, why shouldn't anything else? I want you to hold me, please. Please step away.