Hard...

[babygirl1869]

So have you ever had to let go of someone that you didn't really want to? Just watch all of your hopes and dreams with them just go right down the drain? Hurt so bad knowing that you have to just walk away, because it's the only thing that can really fix things anymore? God I hate this! You know I really thought that if I gave him time that he'd come around, that he'd begin to realize that he had something really good standing right in front of him... maybe I was wrong though. Maybe he doesn't want good. Maybe he just wants familiar and comfortable. Either way I guess it's not something that I can give him and god that just hurts. It's so hard to look at this entire situation and to know that I let it all end up this way. I'm hurting yet again because I was stupid enough to let my walls down and let him in. I never let anyone in... why was he so different? Why did I do it knowing all the while that I was going to be hurt in the end? i don't understand any of this... especially him. Well then again I do. I sit here and think how can he still want her back after all she did to him, and then I realize that I continuously went back to Jeremy after everything... it's hard to walk away from love... i know that... but sometimes you have... and if someone's hurting you in these ways then they really don't care to much for you to begin with. I say this to him. I say this to him all the time, hoping that one day he'll actually listen to me and then I realize that all the while I should have been listening to myself... he's not acting any better to me then she is to him. He allows her to walk all over him and come back whenever it's convienent for her and yet I let him do the same thing. I constantly allow him to push me aside while he deals with her... how could I have been so dumb? So blind? I can't believe that it's taken me 3 months to see this. I can't believe I didn't stand up for myself before this... I can't believe that he of all people would put me through this knowing exactly how it feels. I just don't understand anything anymore. I'd rather be alone then to feel this way anymore. I love him too much to be hurt by him anymore. Maybe one day he'll wake up and see that things could have worked... if he'd just let go... But then again it's doubtful.

I'm falling again... silently screaming for help... and yet still no one cares...