I survived
I did the NRP today. Our instructor was a midwife from Calgary and we did the course at a birth center - very cool. Such a beautiful birth space with three large birth rooms, each with their own bathrooms and big, deep tubs. I would *love* to work in a place like that someday.
When we arrived at the birth center I was feeling very triggery and once I saw the equipment and the practice baby dolls I fell apart. I went into a birth room and had a good cry, felt really overwhelmed and really didn't think I could do it. I came and sat in the livingroom with the other people taking the course but continued to cry off and on. As we gathered together to begin I asked Ros to explain to the other people why I was such a mess. I felt like such an idiot even though I know it was perfectly normal to be feeling the way I was. I finally got myself together and we started the course. I was ok through the rest of the day until it was my turn to do the practical test. I walked into the birth room where the midwife was waiting to test me and I fell apart again. She was very understanding, sat down with me and we talked about Abby. I was able to get through the clinical test and I think the midwife took it easy on me, but as soon as we were done I fell apart again. I went to the bathroom and cried so hard that I gagged and gagged. I was very relieved to finish up the day and get out of there.
Ros, her (former) assistant Michelle, and I went to the Olive Garden for supper right after the course and it was lovely to sit, relax, and just eat. We had slushy, fruity drinks, all the salad and breadsticks we could eat and I had the yummiest supper - steak medallions on fettucine alfredo with chopped tomato and portabello mushrooms. SOOOOO good. We rolled ourselves out of there and came home to watch a movie. We were all so full from supper, and so physically and emotionally drained that we all dozed off and on through the movie.
Tomorrow I head home and I'll be happy to see Jack and the girls, be in my own house again and get back to my small town life. It's been an interesting few days and I'll write more about the trip once I'm home.
Abby girl, I did it. It was so hard to go through all those scenarios where the babies came around, pinked up and started breathing. I wish with all my heart that you had too. I miss you baby, soooo much.
When we arrived at the birth center I was feeling very triggery and once I saw the equipment and the practice baby dolls I fell apart. I went into a birth room and had a good cry, felt really overwhelmed and really didn't think I could do it. I came and sat in the livingroom with the other people taking the course but continued to cry off and on. As we gathered together to begin I asked Ros to explain to the other people why I was such a mess. I felt like such an idiot even though I know it was perfectly normal to be feeling the way I was. I finally got myself together and we started the course. I was ok through the rest of the day until it was my turn to do the practical test. I walked into the birth room where the midwife was waiting to test me and I fell apart again. She was very understanding, sat down with me and we talked about Abby. I was able to get through the clinical test and I think the midwife took it easy on me, but as soon as we were done I fell apart again. I went to the bathroom and cried so hard that I gagged and gagged. I was very relieved to finish up the day and get out of there.
Ros, her (former) assistant Michelle, and I went to the Olive Garden for supper right after the course and it was lovely to sit, relax, and just eat. We had slushy, fruity drinks, all the salad and breadsticks we could eat and I had the yummiest supper - steak medallions on fettucine alfredo with chopped tomato and portabello mushrooms. SOOOOO good. We rolled ourselves out of there and came home to watch a movie. We were all so full from supper, and so physically and emotionally drained that we all dozed off and on through the movie.
Tomorrow I head home and I'll be happy to see Jack and the girls, be in my own house again and get back to my small town life. It's been an interesting few days and I'll write more about the trip once I'm home.
Abby girl, I did it. It was so hard to go through all those scenarios where the babies came around, pinked up and started breathing. I wish with all my heart that you had too. I miss you baby, soooo much.