(no subject)
I could have chosen to go to the CAM conference instead of going to Vegas with my friends, but I didn't. With my future still in limbo, I don't feel ready to step back into the midwifery world. I have lingering feelings of being a fool, a failure and I don't have an ounce of confidence - not really how I want to present myself.
Tonight I dipped my toes back in the midwifery pool; I browsed the Laurentian website again, took a peek at the timetables for each of the four years to see what it would be like to step into 3rd or 4th year. I checked out the past and present Laurentian class pictures - most of the midwifery students are so young! I flipped through pictures of the Winnipeg birth center, and I looked through some old files in my "Pathways" folder as I prepare to gather documents for another shot in the dark.
Reading about D's experiences in the IMPP makes me feel anxious - if I did the IMPP, would I handle the pressure? Would my family survive my absence for 6-9 months? Would *I* survive being away from them!? Would I be successful? Could I afford it? Would I get accepted to the program? What would it be like to be on call again? To get up for a birth in the middle of the night?
I've been reading my most favorite midwifery memoir book and it's been lovely to escape into the birth world again for a few minutes each day. I miss it, I really do.
Tonight I dipped my toes back in the midwifery pool; I browsed the Laurentian website again, took a peek at the timetables for each of the four years to see what it would be like to step into 3rd or 4th year. I checked out the past and present Laurentian class pictures - most of the midwifery students are so young! I flipped through pictures of the Winnipeg birth center, and I looked through some old files in my "Pathways" folder as I prepare to gather documents for another shot in the dark.
Reading about D's experiences in the IMPP makes me feel anxious - if I did the IMPP, would I handle the pressure? Would my family survive my absence for 6-9 months? Would *I* survive being away from them!? Would I be successful? Could I afford it? Would I get accepted to the program? What would it be like to be on call again? To get up for a birth in the middle of the night?
I've been reading my most favorite midwifery memoir book and it's been lovely to escape into the birth world again for a few minutes each day. I miss it, I really do.