quiet evening thoughts
I offered a stack of midwifery books to my fellow birth junkies, and I sent two boxes of outdated or not-so-useful midwifery books to the charity bin. I look at the two full bookshelves I have left and wonder what will happen to them all; will I use them in my own practice, donate them to charity, or pass the baton and give them to friends? I don't know.
The high doses of medication I have to take for a while are not fun; mood swings, my mind is always racing a mile a minute, and yet my thoughts are murky and I often struggle to find the right words to express myself. Racing through the fog - oh, fun.
Next week I'm taking all three girls on the 14 hr return trip to go find Kim a place to live next year. She didn't get into residence so now we weed through the endless list of off-campus housing and hope to find her a place that is safe, affordable, and comfortable. Should be fun to have the Littles tagging along, but Jack is working and with his crazy workday hours we can't have a babysitter so they're coming along. Kim will also be applying for jobs, buying herself a new phone (hers is toast), checking out the campus, getting her student card etc. I'm excited to see where she will be spending her first few years of university, but I'm sure I'll also be a weepy mess.
Scrapbook workshop is coming up this month as well and I'm looking forward to it. I work the first day and can only be there for the late afternoon and evening but I'll be there for the whole day the second day. It will be fun to get some scrapbooking done and spend time with my friends.
With no schoolwork to do and no (bullshit) paperwork to do for an assessment program I have been filling my time in other ways, including a new face lift for my office/scrapbook area. I had thought about moving all of my stuff into Kim's soon-to-be-vacated bedroom but I rather like being able to visit with the family and watch tv while I work, so I'm painting my little corner and moving furniture around. Instead of midwifery books and research papers clogging my shelves and desktop, family finances, scrapbooking, and personal projects have taken up residence. And my husband has been very gracious with my choice of paint color (purple!) and my small purchases to reorganize supplies and such.
As much as I have enjoyed my creative therapy, when I talk about it out loud it sounds kind of ..... lame in comparison to what I've been working on for the past 8 years. While my cohorts begin or continue their midwifery studies this Fall, I'll be spending my time planning layouts, printing pictures, and sorting cardstock. It's a mixed blessing. To be honest, I feel excited for those who will pursuing their dreams, but I also feel bitter, sad, lost, and a bit jealous. I feel as though I'm grieving without any closure, as if a dream has not died but has been misplaced.
I have 6 months to decide if I'm going to apply to a Canadian MEP, and even more time to consider the IMPP for myself in a year (if I would even qualify). In the meantime, I'll do my paid work at the hospital, indulge in lots of creative therapy and keep my heart open for direction for myself.
The high doses of medication I have to take for a while are not fun; mood swings, my mind is always racing a mile a minute, and yet my thoughts are murky and I often struggle to find the right words to express myself. Racing through the fog - oh, fun.
Next week I'm taking all three girls on the 14 hr return trip to go find Kim a place to live next year. She didn't get into residence so now we weed through the endless list of off-campus housing and hope to find her a place that is safe, affordable, and comfortable. Should be fun to have the Littles tagging along, but Jack is working and with his crazy workday hours we can't have a babysitter so they're coming along. Kim will also be applying for jobs, buying herself a new phone (hers is toast), checking out the campus, getting her student card etc. I'm excited to see where she will be spending her first few years of university, but I'm sure I'll also be a weepy mess.
Scrapbook workshop is coming up this month as well and I'm looking forward to it. I work the first day and can only be there for the late afternoon and evening but I'll be there for the whole day the second day. It will be fun to get some scrapbooking done and spend time with my friends.
With no schoolwork to do and no (bullshit) paperwork to do for an assessment program I have been filling my time in other ways, including a new face lift for my office/scrapbook area. I had thought about moving all of my stuff into Kim's soon-to-be-vacated bedroom but I rather like being able to visit with the family and watch tv while I work, so I'm painting my little corner and moving furniture around. Instead of midwifery books and research papers clogging my shelves and desktop, family finances, scrapbooking, and personal projects have taken up residence. And my husband has been very gracious with my choice of paint color (purple!) and my small purchases to reorganize supplies and such.
As much as I have enjoyed my creative therapy, when I talk about it out loud it sounds kind of ..... lame in comparison to what I've been working on for the past 8 years. While my cohorts begin or continue their midwifery studies this Fall, I'll be spending my time planning layouts, printing pictures, and sorting cardstock. It's a mixed blessing. To be honest, I feel excited for those who will pursuing their dreams, but I also feel bitter, sad, lost, and a bit jealous. I feel as though I'm grieving without any closure, as if a dream has not died but has been misplaced.
I have 6 months to decide if I'm going to apply to a Canadian MEP, and even more time to consider the IMPP for myself in a year (if I would even qualify). In the meantime, I'll do my paid work at the hospital, indulge in lots of creative therapy and keep my heart open for direction for myself.