the days are bittersweet
After a cloudy, damp weekend it's lovely to see the sun out this morning.
My cousin's daughter had a baby girl yesterday. Another June baby in the family is a blessing.
Five years ago from now, I was cranky with my family, feeling unappreciated, neglected, and very very pregnant. Back then, I had no idea what was coming but today, I do. I started this morning with a deep breath......here we go.
This is such a weird space; to be present with my family and everyday life, but also grieving and remembering the days of Abby's birth and death. It's like a tug of war.
As I was reading my journal entries from the days leading up to Abby's birth, Charlotte was leading the dog around the house on a leash, watching "Mulan", and jumping on the couch. Everything my children do (and I do for them) is bittersweet right now; so grateful to have them here and healthy, and yet knowing that Abby never had the chance to blow bubbles, eat cheerios, drive a car, or run and play. She didn't feel the sun on her face or sand between her toes, she never tasted mommy's milk or her own birthday cakes. The 'nevers' don't take away from my present joys and frustrations as a mother, but the 'nevers' whisper to me loudly as I get closer to Abby's birthday and angelversary.
Now, a couple of recent pictures:
Julia and Charlotte broke out the bubbles this weekend.
The view from my kitchen window, with my witch ball hanging in the window.
My cousin's daughter had a baby girl yesterday. Another June baby in the family is a blessing.
Five years ago from now, I was cranky with my family, feeling unappreciated, neglected, and very very pregnant. Back then, I had no idea what was coming but today, I do. I started this morning with a deep breath......here we go.
This is such a weird space; to be present with my family and everyday life, but also grieving and remembering the days of Abby's birth and death. It's like a tug of war.
As I was reading my journal entries from the days leading up to Abby's birth, Charlotte was leading the dog around the house on a leash, watching "Mulan", and jumping on the couch. Everything my children do (and I do for them) is bittersweet right now; so grateful to have them here and healthy, and yet knowing that Abby never had the chance to blow bubbles, eat cheerios, drive a car, or run and play. She didn't feel the sun on her face or sand between her toes, she never tasted mommy's milk or her own birthday cakes. The 'nevers' don't take away from my present joys and frustrations as a mother, but the 'nevers' whisper to me loudly as I get closer to Abby's birthday and angelversary.
Now, a couple of recent pictures:
Julia and Charlotte broke out the bubbles this weekend.
The view from my kitchen window, with my witch ball hanging in the window.