My words are all I have now
First, no matter what I've done, I am somebody. I have come along way on my own sweat and blood. I continue to strive for success daily because that is the only way I will become what I am capable of. I live a life for me.
To sum it up, exam week=14 hours of sleep in four days. Not a good average. Add that to receiving really bad news, seeing the end of a chapter of life, dealing with financial woes, directing a play, starting track, Etc...
"This is all the same ol news though, right? I mean when haven't I been busy? Overloaded? Under pressure all the fucking time?"
The biggest crime could committ to me, is to pretend that I didn't work twice as hard as them to get where I am. And for them to think that because I am a gifted individual, it was easy for me. You think I didn't have to work. Because I am capable of great things, my mistakes are viewed through a lense that maginifies their size.
I am not special. I am not exceptional. I am like every othe college student trying to make it to graduation. I fuck up. I am not 100% sure what I want. I didn't have a lot of things other people didn't. I hung on my the skin of my teeth, and the seat of my pants just like everyone else. But people let my expectations become their own...
"Oh the story I will hear" "I'm to blame. I am the author of own success and my own mistakes."
I felt abandoned in the hardest social part of life; and all I ever wanted was to be successful. I know what it is like to have a destitute life. I don't want that. I want to be rich and comfortable and to be able to provide that to a [woman], family and friends someday. [sh]Could of been [you].
"I am laughing. Inside. Of course this was going to end badly. We both knew from the moment it happened. Deep down inside; It was probably the end of [that life]."
Is it so wrong to feel like you shouldn't be thrown away and picked up whenever it please someone?
"I began to sense that in the end, I was not going to be what you wanted; what you needed; but i'm not sure you [wanted] to be what I wanted or needed either." I'm not sure you have an answer to that question either.
"I lost.[kinda on some bullshit but fair is fair]. I really did."
And you know things. You figure them out. I can sense when you know them. And you know how I think... but not yet how I feel. You don't feel my rage [at them], you dont feel my love [for her], you don't understand how I care about [them], and when you can't understand the way I love [feel], then you don't understand me. That's all I ever wanted
"I'm hurting and I don't know why. My heart stings. But I am not a crier. I am resilient, I am strong, I am a force, and someday, the things I do will reshape aspects of the world. Believe that.
I am constantly moving. I am changing still. I am constantly aspiring to be better. I want to be great. Great people generally are grounded people. I am not grounded.
I am just me.
As crazy as the next person; selfish and attention seeking; narrow minded, you name it
I am deeply passionate but I am not sure I know what love is,
I am a fierce friend which makes me get hurt easier.
I am worldly but I have much still to experience.
I am emotionally strong but I am unbalenced
I am a good decision makes but I sometimes I make bad choices
I am down to earth but often view reality different
I am...
I am just me. As sorry as that is sometimes. I know you think its sorry. Just don't lose yourself. You're deeply passionate, a fierce friend, worldy, emotionally strong, good decision maker, and down to earth.
Feels good doesn't?