An Excess of SGA Feelings
All right, I was going to be restrained and not -- just generally not, you know. But I can't.
My enormous crush on both Rodney and John continues. (If anything, the thing for Rodney's got worse. He needs to stop putting his hands in his pockets, and preferably not wear jackets. Or alternatively wear jackets and stand like that all the time. Send help.)
I have about 500,000 Stargate: Atlantis fic ideas: mostly episode codas and missing scenes; one full-blown fix-it AU in which I'm accidentally ripping off an idea from one of the books, HA, great minds; and so far 3 or 4 "missions", including two that are heavily inspired by something I was once prompted/dared to write for SG-1 back in the day: "first time the team saw each other naked". ;) I never finished the SG-1 version (they met an alien culture where clothes were taboo). We'll see how I go with the SGA iterations, heh.
I am FOUR episodes from THE END so please don't tell me what happens. However, I need to vent. So, spoilers. (For a show that aired in 2008. But I care and it would really spoil at least one of these eps. so you get an LJ cut or two, bite me.)
The other night, we watched Remnants (S5E15) and ohboy. Okay. Well. Uh--
I honestly never thought I'd have to WATCH A FAVOURITE CHARACTER GET HIS ARM LOPPED OFF in TWO SEPARATE FANDOMS.
This is unacceptable.
I screamed. Actually, literally screamed.
And then spent the next five minutes saying, "This is not okay, they can't do that, Kolya's dead, I SAW HIM DIE!" And whimpering. And trying to figure out every whichway that this could possibly, possibly not be happening, God.
I find it deeply ironic that the AI decided to do all this because it perceived John - the head of the military - as a threat. Except. Um. Am I the only person who thinks he probably would've been okay with Woolsey's decision to send the device on its way? Especially if they just reasoned with him. And, heck, he was off the fucking city anyway! On the mainland! What could he even do?! (Rodney's arguably more of a threat: he doesn't even consider letting it go, he thinks it's a foregone conclusion that Woolsey will let him crack into the data.)
... I have a lot of feelings about the things Kolya says to John (and does to him), given that it's coming from inside John's head. Man. He really is just an unhappy person. :(
I feel so bad for John. Just, generally.
I could rant on about my Feelings about John and his Repressed Emotions (and how he doesn't believe he deserves nice things, like people who care about him and have faith in him), but I will spare you. ;) That's a thing for another time.
*deep breath*
Then we watched Brain Storm.
Now, I'm.
I'm going to try really fucking hard right now, because I kind of don't dislike Jennifer Keller: she's an interesting character to have put on Atlantis. It is strangley nice to see her completely fail at basic off-world stuff, sort of like I would if anyone ever put me in those situations. And she's got a lot of things about her that I admire and she's fun.
But.
I really, really, really don't like her relationship with Rodney.
And I know, I know, I am the first to admit that the slash goggles are welded to my face and - right down to the core of my heart - I am not going to stop thinking that Rodney and John my Petrarchan Ideal when it comes to relationships in this show (and honestly, they don't even need to make out for that). They narrowly beat Ronon and Teyla's epic bromance, but it's a close thing. So I know that this sounds like the frantic scrabbling of a slasher without away out.
BUT.
I fucking loved Katie Brown. She was ... honestly, if Rodney had proposed and married her and -- okay maybe not if he'd left Atlantis, but if they'd ended up having dozens of chubby red-headed babies, I would have been so on board with that.
So it's not like I can't deal with seeing Rodney with other characters, that's not the issue here. The issue - in my eyes - is the fact that Keller professes to love him after spending an entire episode complaining about and actively trying to alter his MAJOR CHARACTER TRAITS.
Am I the only person who thinks that's - well - not okay?
At least Katie accepted that Rodney for the acerbic, pessimistic, arrogant dick that he is. She said as much! (And yes, he was trying to be nice around her, but even then his neuroses kind of worked through, and anyway - Katie lived in Atlantis, she wasn't stupid, she knew what was going on.)
But I digress.
Keller isn't in love with Rodney. She's in love with the idea of Rodney.(The Rodney that appeared in the early stages of the parasite, the version of him that was kinder, nicer, calmer -- the version that wasn't really him.)
I know that Rodney said he loved her but A) that wasn't really him, and B) there is evidence in that ep. to suggest that he doesn't entirely remember everything that happened while he was parasite'd. Also, his inhibitions were lowered; he was losing the ability to line up words with the right concepts; . What I'm saying is, she shouldn't take him at his word.
... Also, she makes him do all the work and it drives me up the wall. If she believes that he loves her, why doesn't she do something about it if she likes him? It's a fucking joke. That scene in the cafeteria (among others) feels like she's messing with him and it pisses me off in ways I can't really articulate.
It also bothers me that Rodney devolves into, well, cliche at the end of Brain Storm. Everything he says to her after he breaks down that door is just -- not very Rodney. I don't know, it didn't feel much like him, anyway.
AND THERE'S THE FACT THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WORK. I JUST DON'T GET IT. IT DOESN'T COMPUTE. WHAT THE HELL. Sorry for the capslock but really. WHAT.
I don't want to hate Keller, because 1) she's female, 2) she's a pretty good doctor though she doesn't do leaps of faith as well as Carson, and 3) ... I want Rodney to be happy. But I just don't see how he ever will be when she's nagging him to be humble, guilt-tripping him about something that he just is. It makes me sad.
*DEEP, DEEP SIGH*
Every time they kiss, though, I cannot suppress a full-body shudder. Just no.
Anyway, Remnants fucked me up good about John Sheppard's mental state, and then yesterday I cracked and started reading the A Farm in Iowa 'Verse by sheafrotherdon. It's an AU in which John didn't go to Atlantis, he inherited his grandpa's farm instead - but he manages to run into Rodney McKay anyway. Full disclosure: it eventually turns into (surprisingly realistic/non-saccharine) KidFic.
This fic, God. It was like curling up under the covers on a cold night with a hot water bottle; like the best cup of tea; warm and sepia-toned and glorious. It's -- it was the perfect antidote to Remnants, certainly.
There's so much to this fic that I can't possibly describe - and this isn't really a rec, I'm just recording here that I loved everything about it. It feels so real. That's what got me. And the setting - well, it's a farm. (In Iowa, granted, which I'm not quite capable of imagining properly, I think, but I grew up on a farm, I can get close enough to see it in my mind's eye from the descriptions; and it captures the right feeling of rural and good hard work and farm without sugar-coating; and you can feel how precious every square inch of land is, and I love it.) This isn't to say that there aren't painful moments in the fic, no sad times, no emotional turbulence. (I cried unapologetically about a barn earlier. That's not all, but. Yeah. The barn thing. That's what finally broke me. I don't want to talk about it.) But, it's worth every bump in the road. The writing style hit all my buttons too, which is always lovely. (And, just, John realising - over and over, surprised every single time - that he's loved, that this is his son, I cannot.)
Um. Even if you don't care about Stargate (Atlantis or otherwise) at all I'd still probably say you should read this if you like stories about unlikely couples, and found families, and people rediscovering parts of their family (and themselves) that they didn't know existed, and learning how to be happy, and people who love their children fiercely, and men who find it hard to express their feelings, and you enjoy reading setting porn (because really, the farm, it's a character by itself). There is a little bit of crossover where Stargate ekes in, but it's -- you could probably get by.
If that doesn't convince you, there's a dog called Burp eventually! Also two chicks with unlikely and hilarious names.
So, that's it really.
The former Face!Alien is now a giant hole in my jaw filled with icky antiseptic tape, did I mention? It continues to be an unpleasant addition to my mouth. Eating is a fuss. On the plus size, I now fit into trousers that I haven't worn in about 5 years, so score, I guess.
Though, the Face!Alien did give me the time and inclination to discover a new fandom. So I shouldn't complain.
.
My enormous crush on both Rodney and John continues. (If anything, the thing for Rodney's got worse. He needs to stop putting his hands in his pockets, and preferably not wear jackets. Or alternatively wear jackets and stand like that all the time. Send help.)
I have about 500,000 Stargate: Atlantis fic ideas: mostly episode codas and missing scenes; one full-blown fix-it AU in which I'm accidentally ripping off an idea from one of the books, HA, great minds; and so far 3 or 4 "missions", including two that are heavily inspired by something I was once prompted/dared to write for SG-1 back in the day: "first time the team saw each other naked". ;) I never finished the SG-1 version (they met an alien culture where clothes were taboo). We'll see how I go with the SGA iterations, heh.
I am FOUR episodes from THE END so please don't tell me what happens. However, I need to vent. So, spoilers. (For a show that aired in 2008. But I care and it would really spoil at least one of these eps. so you get an LJ cut or two, bite me.)
The other night, we watched Remnants (S5E15) and ohboy. Okay. Well. Uh--
I honestly never thought I'd have to WATCH A FAVOURITE CHARACTER GET HIS ARM LOPPED OFF in TWO SEPARATE FANDOMS.
This is unacceptable.
I screamed. Actually, literally screamed.
And then spent the next five minutes saying, "This is not okay, they can't do that, Kolya's dead, I SAW HIM DIE!" And whimpering. And trying to figure out every whichway that this could possibly, possibly not be happening, God.
I find it deeply ironic that the AI decided to do all this because it perceived John - the head of the military - as a threat. Except. Um. Am I the only person who thinks he probably would've been okay with Woolsey's decision to send the device on its way? Especially if they just reasoned with him. And, heck, he was off the fucking city anyway! On the mainland! What could he even do?! (Rodney's arguably more of a threat: he doesn't even consider letting it go, he thinks it's a foregone conclusion that Woolsey will let him crack into the data.)
... I have a lot of feelings about the things Kolya says to John (and does to him), given that it's coming from inside John's head. Man. He really is just an unhappy person. :(
I feel so bad for John. Just, generally.
I could rant on about my Feelings about John and his Repressed Emotions (and how he doesn't believe he deserves nice things, like people who care about him and have faith in him), but I will spare you. ;) That's a thing for another time.
*deep breath*
Then we watched Brain Storm.
Now, I'm.
I'm going to try really fucking hard right now, because I kind of don't dislike Jennifer Keller: she's an interesting character to have put on Atlantis. It is strangley nice to see her completely fail at basic off-world stuff, sort of like I would if anyone ever put me in those situations. And she's got a lot of things about her that I admire and she's fun.
But.
I really, really, really don't like her relationship with Rodney.
And I know, I know, I am the first to admit that the slash goggles are welded to my face and - right down to the core of my heart - I am not going to stop thinking that Rodney and John my Petrarchan Ideal when it comes to relationships in this show (and honestly, they don't even need to make out for that). They narrowly beat Ronon and Teyla's epic bromance, but it's a close thing. So I know that this sounds like the frantic scrabbling of a slasher without away out.
BUT.
I fucking loved Katie Brown. She was ... honestly, if Rodney had proposed and married her and -- okay maybe not if he'd left Atlantis, but if they'd ended up having dozens of chubby red-headed babies, I would have been so on board with that.
So it's not like I can't deal with seeing Rodney with other characters, that's not the issue here. The issue - in my eyes - is the fact that Keller professes to love him after spending an entire episode complaining about and actively trying to alter his MAJOR CHARACTER TRAITS.
Am I the only person who thinks that's - well - not okay?
At least Katie accepted that Rodney for the acerbic, pessimistic, arrogant dick that he is. She said as much! (And yes, he was trying to be nice around her, but even then his neuroses kind of worked through, and anyway - Katie lived in Atlantis, she wasn't stupid, she knew what was going on.)
But I digress.
Keller isn't in love with Rodney. She's in love with the idea of Rodney.(The Rodney that appeared in the early stages of the parasite, the version of him that was kinder, nicer, calmer -- the version that wasn't really him.)
I know that Rodney said he loved her but A) that wasn't really him, and B) there is evidence in that ep. to suggest that he doesn't entirely remember everything that happened while he was parasite'd. Also, his inhibitions were lowered; he was losing the ability to line up words with the right concepts; . What I'm saying is, she shouldn't take him at his word.
... Also, she makes him do all the work and it drives me up the wall. If she believes that he loves her, why doesn't she do something about it if she likes him? It's a fucking joke. That scene in the cafeteria (among others) feels like she's messing with him and it pisses me off in ways I can't really articulate.
It also bothers me that Rodney devolves into, well, cliche at the end of Brain Storm. Everything he says to her after he breaks down that door is just -- not very Rodney. I don't know, it didn't feel much like him, anyway.
AND THERE'S THE FACT THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WORK. I JUST DON'T GET IT. IT DOESN'T COMPUTE. WHAT THE HELL. Sorry for the capslock but really. WHAT.
I don't want to hate Keller, because 1) she's female, 2) she's a pretty good doctor though she doesn't do leaps of faith as well as Carson, and 3) ... I want Rodney to be happy. But I just don't see how he ever will be when she's nagging him to be humble, guilt-tripping him about something that he just is. It makes me sad.
*DEEP, DEEP SIGH*
Every time they kiss, though, I cannot suppress a full-body shudder. Just no.
Anyway, Remnants fucked me up good about John Sheppard's mental state, and then yesterday I cracked and started reading the A Farm in Iowa 'Verse by sheafrotherdon. It's an AU in which John didn't go to Atlantis, he inherited his grandpa's farm instead - but he manages to run into Rodney McKay anyway. Full disclosure: it eventually turns into (surprisingly realistic/non-saccharine) KidFic.
This fic, God. It was like curling up under the covers on a cold night with a hot water bottle; like the best cup of tea; warm and sepia-toned and glorious. It's -- it was the perfect antidote to Remnants, certainly.
There's so much to this fic that I can't possibly describe - and this isn't really a rec, I'm just recording here that I loved everything about it. It feels so real. That's what got me. And the setting - well, it's a farm. (In Iowa, granted, which I'm not quite capable of imagining properly, I think, but I grew up on a farm, I can get close enough to see it in my mind's eye from the descriptions; and it captures the right feeling of rural and good hard work and farm without sugar-coating; and you can feel how precious every square inch of land is, and I love it.) This isn't to say that there aren't painful moments in the fic, no sad times, no emotional turbulence. (I cried unapologetically about a barn earlier. That's not all, but. Yeah. The barn thing. That's what finally broke me. I don't want to talk about it.) But, it's worth every bump in the road. The writing style hit all my buttons too, which is always lovely. (And, just, John realising - over and over, surprised every single time - that he's loved, that this is his son, I cannot.)
Um. Even if you don't care about Stargate (Atlantis or otherwise) at all I'd still probably say you should read this if you like stories about unlikely couples, and found families, and people rediscovering parts of their family (and themselves) that they didn't know existed, and learning how to be happy, and people who love their children fiercely, and men who find it hard to express their feelings, and you enjoy reading setting porn (because really, the farm, it's a character by itself). There is a little bit of crossover where Stargate ekes in, but it's -- you could probably get by.
If that doesn't convince you, there's a dog called Burp eventually! Also two chicks with unlikely and hilarious names.
So, that's it really.
The former Face!Alien is now a giant hole in my jaw filled with icky antiseptic tape, did I mention? It continues to be an unpleasant addition to my mouth. Eating is a fuss. On the plus size, I now fit into trousers that I haven't worn in about 5 years, so score, I guess.
Though, the Face!Alien did give me the time and inclination to discover a new fandom. So I shouldn't complain.
.