30 Days of HP / Made of Fail
03. What house would you be in?
This is almost a loaded question for me. Generally, my Sorting results are split down the middle between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. My overall personality is far more suited to a cutthroat environment like Slytherin, but I’m a thinker at times, as well, which would make me a ‘Claw. I would have to say, though, that my Slytherin side is more pronounced and would probably be what the Hat would see in me more than anything else.
Sales (Baby) Boom
Home Improvement Store | Denver, CO, USA
(The store allows you to pay off your store credit card bill at any of their stores. I was in the store paying off the company’s bill at one of the regular checkout stations. I had my 5 month old son with me in his carrier, which I put on the counter while the clerk was scanning the statement stub and the check. Another customer came up behind us, saw the carrier, but no items, on the counter and the clerk scanning a check.)
Customer: “Is she buying a baby?”
Clerk: *without missing a beat* “Yep, she got the last one on the shelf.”
Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2
Retail | Los Angeles, CA, USA
(I’m an Asian Spanish/English interpreter in charge of taking care of our Spanish speaking costumers. I approach a Mexican customer.)
Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Oh my god, you speak Spanish!”
Me: “Yes I do, it’s a service provided by our store for your convenience. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “But you’re Chinese!”
Me: “I’m actually Korean born and raised in Argentina, so it’s easier for me to speak in Spanish.”
Customer: “That’s not possible! Chinese people only speak Chinese!”
Me: “I assure you I’m not Chinese and cannot speak Chinese at all.”
Customer: “But…but Chinese people should speak Chinese!”
Related:
Incheon Further Away From The Answer
Bread And Prejudice
Coffee Shop | Ireland
Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”
Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”
Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”
Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”
Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums - the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”
Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”
(At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)
Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”
Bird Brained, Part 7
Theme Park | Orlando, FL, USA
(I overhear a group of teenagers talking while looking at the penguin exhibit.)
Teenager 1: “What exactly is a penguin?”
Teenager 2: “Are you that stupid? A penguin is a fish!”
Teenager 2: “No. A penguin is an amphibian. You know, like frogs.”
Teenager 1: “You know guys I think penguins are mammals, because they got fur. ”
Me: *addressing everybody at exhibit* “The penguin is a unique bird that can ‘fly’ in the water.”
Teenager 2: *after looking at his friends in awe* “I still think it’s a fish.”
Related:
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
Bird Brained, Part 6
Split Over Musical (Price) Differences
Music Store | Calgary, AB, Canada
Customer: “Do you have [popular album]?”
Me: “Yep. It’s right over here.”
Customer: “That’s expensive.”
Me: “That’s pretty average”
Customer: “I bet [competitor] is cheaper.”
Me: “I doubt it. We are usually a fair bit cheaper than them.”
Customer: “I don’t know. I bet they are cheaper.”
Me: “I don’t think they will be, but they are right upstairs if you want to take a peek and come back. You will see that we are cheaper.”
(The customer leaves and comes back 15 minutes later with our competitors bag.)
Me: “Oh, were they cheaper?”
Customer: “No, they were a lot more expensive. You should really stop recommending that place.”
Stop Bean Stupid
Fast Food | The Netherlands
Customer: “I’d like one cappuccino.”
Me: “Oh, sorry, we’re out of coffee today.”
Customer: “That’s okay, I’d only like a cappuccino.”
Me: “The cappuccino has coffee in it.”
Customer: “Can’t you just make it without it?”
Library Staff Are Very Amen-able
Library | Tennessee, USA
Customer: *handing me a book* “Is this the Koran?”
Me: “No sir, this appears to be a book about Ojibwe singers.”
Customer: “The lady said it would be on aisle 6B.”
Me: “It is, but the Koran’s call number is 297. This book is listed under 264.”
*blank stare*
Me: “Let me try to help you find it.”
(Walking to aisle 6B, I notice that the book he grabbed is the first book on the aisle, at eye level.)
Me: “Sir, did you just walk to aisle 6B and grab the first book you saw?”
Customer: “I couldn’t find it, so…yes.”
(He then find’s another book on the shelf.)
Customer: “Oh here it is! Would this be the best one?”
(The patron has picked up ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Koran’.)
The Customer Is A Fool, Of This I Am Curtain
Retail | United Kingdom
Customer: *holding a pair of curtains* “Excuse me, will these curtains fit in my window?”
Me: “I’m not sure Sir. Do you have the measurements of the window with you?”
Customer: *confused* “Measurements? I need to measure the window? How do I do that?”
(I hand the man a leaflet explaining how to measure windows correctly.)
Customer: “Oh, okay. I didn’t realise you had to take measurements. I just guessed it was one size fits all.”
Ah, Mothers, Part 6
Learning Center | New Jersey, USA
(The child I’m working with is crying, so I go outside to talk to the mother.)
Me: “Your child seems to have some separation anxiety, ma’am. It’s against the rules, but I could let you stay and watch her work so she’ll feel better.”
Mother: “Oh, I think she’ll be fine after awhile. See, she’s been upset since we moved here from Chicago.”
Me: “Yeah, that’s difficult for a child sometimes.”
Mother: “But don’t tell her we moved, okay? We told her we were only going on a vacation. She has no idea we’re not going back.”
Related:
Ah, Mothers, Part 5
Ah, Mothers, Part 4
Ah, Mothers, Part 3
Ah, Mothers, Part 2
Ah, Mothers
Undeserved Credit
Call Center | Ohio, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”
Caller: *yelling* “I want to make sure that idiot woman I spoke with a little while ago credited my card back because I think she was stupid and didn’t know what she was doing!”
Me: “Okay, I’ll be happy to check on that credit for you today. After looking at the account, it looks like it was credited back to the credit card as stated it would be.”
Caller: “Are you sure that idiot did it? She sounded like a liar to me!”
(After looking closer at the account, I see it was me who spoke to her last.)
Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did take care of that credit just like I said I would when you called me a little while ago.”
Caller: *silence* “Uh… I knew you would. You’re such a sweet girl!”
Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak
Restaurant | Portland, OR, USA
Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”
Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”
Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”
Me: “No, I don’t think so.”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”
Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”
Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”
Rich Has Checked Out
Bank | Michigan, USA
(This is an independent bank with only four loan officers.)
Me: “Here’s you receipt. Are you all set?”
Customer: “I need to speak with my loan officer for a minute.”
Me: “Okay, that’s Joe. Let me check if he’s available.”
Customer: “No! Rich is my loan officer.”
Me: “No, Joe is. He talked to you last week, remember? Tall guy with a moustache?”
Customer: “Rich has been my loan officer for eight years. I want to speak with him!”
Me: “Rich died three years ago.”
Customer: *silence*
Me: “So, I’ll get Joe?’”
Customer: “Right, Joe.”
Time Waits For No Ham
Convenience Store | Pittsburgh, PA,USA
(I work at a gas station that offers made-to-order sandwiches. A customer uses a computer to place their order and gets an order number that is called once their sandwich is made).
Customer: “I’m here for my ham sandwich.”
Me: “Okay. What is your order number?”
Customer: “Here, it’s 433. I know I’m a few minutes late.”
Me: “Sir, that order was ready three hours ago. We threw it away when it sat for half an hour.”
Customer: “But it’s only 4:40. It has only been 7 minutes.”
Me: “That is your order number, not the time you are suppose to pick up your order.”
Customer: “Oh, I was wondering why the time didn’t have the dots between the hour and minutes!”
Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber
Coffee Shop | New Brunswick, Canada
(A couple in a car comes through the drive through.)
Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”
Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”
Customer: “Alright, thanks.”
(The customer drives away, and comes back 15 minutes later.)
Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”
Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”
Stupid Customers Come With A Sign
Pet Store | Staten Island, NY, USA
(I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)
Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”
Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”
Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”
(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)
Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”
Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”
Customer: “They can’t?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”
Spewing Obnoxious Gases
Clothing Store | Sandy, UT, USA
(I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)
Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”
Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”
(I turn to the next customer in line.)
Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”
Customer #2: “Yes!”
Me: “A bag it is.”