"I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real." -Piercings for promises
YAAAAAAAWN! I'm so thoroughly sore right now. This bed sux a fuck. I woke up today and looked in the mirror and it looked like I hadn't slept in days. Mostly because I couldn't sleep too much last nite. I kept having these nightmares about Faith. I was crying in one of the dreams and next thing I know I wake up and there's tears running down my face. Ugh, my subconscious sux. Anyway, I've been talkin to this girl Danielle online. She seems so cool. She's Polish, LOVES the Red Sox, and LOVES James Dean. YAY! I was supposed to meet up with her late Friday night so I decided to do Sarah a favor and drive her to Windsor. We went to Megan's house... Dezzi's Megan. That was interesting. We were talking about how Dezzi doesn't know what the fuck she's doin in bed. HA! So eventually I left and I was driving through Windsor and I just got this weird feeling. It was like there was a knot in the pit of my stomach. It was just this really intense feeling that I haven't felt while I was up there since like last year. I remember I used to get off the exit for Windsor and suddenly this wave of relief would come over me. It was kinda like that but more intense. Anyway, I got kinda sad. I miss that feeling. Actually, I got really sad. I got into my yay sharp objects mood and then I realized that I made Amanda a promise that I wasn't gonna cut anymore. So instead I decided I'd get my labret pierced the next day. It's just a different form of self mutilation, but at least it's not done by my own hand. I like it.
"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything" -Nine Inch Nails -"Hurt"
My Mom was kinda mad, my Dad was fine, and Jerrin thinks I'm fuckin nutz. LOL I saw Pete and he was telling me how one of the managers at Aero thought I was really cute the day I went to Milford to apply. Apparently she was checking me out when I was in Pac Sun. Ha! I find that really funny. So why is it I don't have the job there yet? LOL Amanda came over Saturday night. As always, I was happy to see her. Oh and that night, Windsor no longer exists on the Connecticut map in my room! Ha. I took a Sharpie to it and blacked it out. Yay. She was tellin me how her back hurt so I was like "I should give you a massage!" We looked at each other and started laughing cuz seeing as how she's my best friend, she knows that trick! I had to convince her that I wasn't gonna get in her pants. So I did give her a massage and I was laughin bout it the whole time cuz it was so weird to give a girl a massage and not try anything. Laying there in bed with her I got all these butterflies. I'm sooo thoroughly in love with that girl. It really reminded me of this one night that I slept over Faith's. I was laying there in bed with her and I just wanted to hold her sooo bad, but I couldn't. It was the same way with Amanda, except that the reasons I couldn't were different. She's my best friend and there's a line that we CANNOT cross. Yet again, I find myself in a situation where I'm in love with a girl and I can't do anything about it. That's okay though cuz I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. She said to me, "We were meant to be friends." I really believe that and I value our friendship sooo much. When I call her Angel, I mean it. She IS my Angel. God sent her to me for a reason. I know for a fact that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here right now. She's talked me out of SO many stupid things, and has always been there for me. Pete asked me the other night, "If Faith, Amanda, and Angela were dangling from a cliff, who would you save?" Immediately I said Amanda and he was totally shocked. I didn't give it a second thought.
Ha, oh yeah. We kissed. That was funny cuz we didn't mean to. She went to give me a kiss on the cheek and I did the same and it ended up bein a kiss on the lips. I'm still laughin bout that.
"I never really thanked you for my massage either so thank you. I'm glad that you can handle our friendship on that level and I appreciate it (minus the few seconds where you were dellusional and you tried to cop a feel...) Perhaps next time, I will be wearing even more clothes although I'm not sure how much clothing I could possibly put on." -Part of Amanda's comment she left on Myspace LOL
This new girl though... I'm REALLY looking forward to meeting her. She's a virgin! HEHEHEHE! Nah. She seems really nice and I'm kinda sad that she's goin to the Army soon but that's ok.
Pete: "He's 22 and he's soooooo cute Kash!"
Me: "What's his name?"
Pete: "Kevin"
Me: "I don't like him"
LOL!!! Yeah so Pete has a new boyfriend named Kevin. *rolls eyes excessively* He got all mad at me when I was like "I'm happy for ya, but I HATE his name." Obviously it went over his head and so I had to explain it to him. Well... this should be interesting.
"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything" -Nine Inch Nails -"Hurt"
My Mom was kinda mad, my Dad was fine, and Jerrin thinks I'm fuckin nutz. LOL I saw Pete and he was telling me how one of the managers at Aero thought I was really cute the day I went to Milford to apply. Apparently she was checking me out when I was in Pac Sun. Ha! I find that really funny. So why is it I don't have the job there yet? LOL Amanda came over Saturday night. As always, I was happy to see her. Oh and that night, Windsor no longer exists on the Connecticut map in my room! Ha. I took a Sharpie to it and blacked it out. Yay. She was tellin me how her back hurt so I was like "I should give you a massage!" We looked at each other and started laughing cuz seeing as how she's my best friend, she knows that trick! I had to convince her that I wasn't gonna get in her pants. So I did give her a massage and I was laughin bout it the whole time cuz it was so weird to give a girl a massage and not try anything. Laying there in bed with her I got all these butterflies. I'm sooo thoroughly in love with that girl. It really reminded me of this one night that I slept over Faith's. I was laying there in bed with her and I just wanted to hold her sooo bad, but I couldn't. It was the same way with Amanda, except that the reasons I couldn't were different. She's my best friend and there's a line that we CANNOT cross. Yet again, I find myself in a situation where I'm in love with a girl and I can't do anything about it. That's okay though cuz I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. She said to me, "We were meant to be friends." I really believe that and I value our friendship sooo much. When I call her Angel, I mean it. She IS my Angel. God sent her to me for a reason. I know for a fact that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here right now. She's talked me out of SO many stupid things, and has always been there for me. Pete asked me the other night, "If Faith, Amanda, and Angela were dangling from a cliff, who would you save?" Immediately I said Amanda and he was totally shocked. I didn't give it a second thought.
Ha, oh yeah. We kissed. That was funny cuz we didn't mean to. She went to give me a kiss on the cheek and I did the same and it ended up bein a kiss on the lips. I'm still laughin bout that.
"I never really thanked you for my massage either so thank you. I'm glad that you can handle our friendship on that level and I appreciate it (minus the few seconds where you were dellusional and you tried to cop a feel...) Perhaps next time, I will be wearing even more clothes although I'm not sure how much clothing I could possibly put on." -Part of Amanda's comment she left on Myspace LOL
This new girl though... I'm REALLY looking forward to meeting her. She's a virgin! HEHEHEHE! Nah. She seems really nice and I'm kinda sad that she's goin to the Army soon but that's ok.
Pete: "He's 22 and he's soooooo cute Kash!"
Me: "What's his name?"
Pete: "Kevin"
Me: "I don't like him"
LOL!!! Yeah so Pete has a new boyfriend named Kevin. *rolls eyes excessively* He got all mad at me when I was like "I'm happy for ya, but I HATE his name." Obviously it went over his head and so I had to explain it to him. Well... this should be interesting.