Heya. Just a newb! :)

[choclatethunder]

Hey everyone! My name's Kev. I'm new here and all that good jive. I live in Columbia, South Carolina (kinda lame lol but what can ya do). I'm 23, I study music, and I'm not really gay...but definitely not straight either haha. Call it pansexual, call it bisexual, call it whatever. But at any rate there is a fairly pressing recurring issue that I've

Comments

[kj66]

When I first came out I had a lot similar problems trying related to people. I felt the same way. I thought all anyone is interested in is the 3 D’s dick, drugs and drama. You also have to remember if you are in bars or online you can find the wrong types especially on online. You just have to keep looking for friends. It is discouraging for sure however there are good friends out there so try not to get too discourage. I eventually was able to develop a good circle of friends. My personal advice is just keep being you and people will notice those good qualities.

I don’t think you are racist nor are you crazy or anything like that. My own boyfriend has told me he has had similar experiences as gay black man that you mention. I’ve experience really odd situations as well. But for the most part most people here (Greensboro) always interact and socialize with one another. But then again my perception is that of gay white male. I think there is always going to self segregation to degree. We are friends with an older interracial couple and they often ask us if we experience problems with friends. To our knowledge we have not had any issues.

I actually feel its shame there has to be this type of discord. We should be working together not against each other. Personally I don’t understand gay community sometimes either… if that makes any sense? I don’t think you are going to find easy answer.

[choclatethunder]

Thank you for that, papo :) I'm so glad (so far) this has been well received.

I suppose you are right. I also take into account the fact that men are still men...gay or straight. Its just that gay men have the added advantage of all the gay amenities such as, no legal gay marriage (so why not just live it up and f***), an overemphasized mandate to "be sexy" (goes without explanation), and a well intentioned accepting/inviting/affectionate sense of community (that unfortunately often times ends up as being okay with getting around...I fall prey to that temptation myself lol) haha. So Eh. It is like dom_ino said earlier an untendable issue. And if it is legitimate, I wish more were aware of it: ignorance (in its literal capacity) breeds division which begets conflict :(

[kj66]

You are welcome.

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. It may be more prevalent in our community when it comes to the superficiality of our lives but like anything you can choose to rise above it or fall victim to it. That's how I see it sometimes. I don't let these things get to me much anymore.

When it comes to life(gay or straight) there will always be someone better looking, smarter, richer, physically fitter etc. We can either spend a lot time and energy stressing over it or just move on with your life not be all that concern with it.

Also in terms of friends it does depend on where you live sometimes. Small community like Columbia may not have a lot of social options. I lived in Florence SC for time I know. I found the best way to make friends was to just go to parties, social events or hang out with co-workers. You will meet people.

Whenever you go into a bar or club you will get hit on especially if you are younger. But remember it’s a bar/club that's where people go to meet, hook up, socialize or whatever…my advice grow a thick skin and learn how to put the “force field” in order words give off that “hey creepy guy fuck off I’m not interested” vibe LOL.

Also I’ve seen a lot of comments about being in the south is really a negative thing and racist. The fact of the matter is racism is everyone. Is it more prevalent here I would say it depends.

Just my 2 cents.

[choclatethunder]

Ah you're right. I really only think on it when/if it happens...or when I see the same old bullshit at a club or at the work place or wherever lol. But as far what I do about it, given that I'm just a wee duckling on the gay scene, I remember that while these sex-heads are just lookin for a fix, I've much more stable and substantial relationships of my own. I guess not having had an issue with approaching people and being approachable (just casually) and then all of a sudden having an issue got to me a bit lol. I just can't get over how important sex is to some people is all lol.

And you know now that you mention it...I NEVER once thought of the club as being a place to hook up. I've ALWAYS just assumed that its where people drink and dance! Or at least, now that I'm of age, that's what I go for! haha I didn't even care that I couldn't drink before I was 21 I just liked to go to shake a tail feather (I'm an old soul, eh haha). That gives a whole new icky light to clubbing I supppose. However also take into account that "force field" or not...liquid courage turns men into the HIV...they just...force their little way past the shield anyway and are often impossible to get rid of lol. Trust me I know ^_^

Racism is a fairly touchy subject for me...but not in the way you might think...that's a WHOLE different situation altogether. But yes to an extent it is indeed everyone.

[kj66]

My point with the "force field" was just try not to let people bother you.

Not every one goes to hook up. I was pointing out people go out for different reasons. Now days most just go online to hook up.

[choclatethunder]

Heard :)