Heya. Just a newb! :)
Hey everyone! My name's Kev. I'm new here and all that good jive. I live in Columbia, South Carolina (kinda lame lol but what can ya do). I'm 23, I study music, and I'm not really gay...but definitely not straight either haha. Call it pansexual, call it bisexual, call it whatever. But at any rate there is a fairly pressing recurring issue that I've run across over time and lately its been coming to a head. Mind you...what I'm about to say may be offensive to some and PLEASE DO NOT hear what I'm not saying...it will address an issue both of sexuality and race...be warned lol. Here is my issue..get comfortable its kinda long lol:
I find that making gay male friends to be virtually impossible! After thinking and thinking about it and just talking with (gay) friends about their lives and their latest conquests, relationships, and reading stuff from the media I've come to some unsettling conclusions. They are very BROAD and GENERAL conclusions, not indicating the whole but the majority...I know there are exceptions ^_^
1.) By in large gay men CANNOT make friends with other gay men. This is why: sex and "relationships" go hand in hand with gay life...they're inseparable. In as much as gay men look for friends they look for sex. It seems the premise for most gay friendships is that their friends be good looking which pretty much often turns into the potential and perhaps the inevitability of sex. There is the rub! Gay friendships typically form "safe sexual interaction" and not so much real friendships...
2.) (This ones kinda touchy but hopefully objective) If we all take one good look at gay media, overulingly, the 'gay image' is almost universally an Anglo-Saxon male typically with blue eyes, blonde(ish) hair, and golden (hopefully not artificially brown lol) skin OR he is the exotic buxom Latino (you know the type lol)...basically not black haha. This is not an attack or an accusation or anything of the sort...just objective observation. This is what I've noticed most gay men go for; in general interaction, friendships, and intimate relationships. I clearly do not fit this image lol. Most black guys don't! ^_^
Here is my personal dilemma. I live and thrive(?) in a world full of all kinds of people of varied race, colors, creeds, orientations, religions...what have you. But in this arena, gay life/living/lifetyle or whatever I cannot even begin to function! I like to make friends and to be a friend like everyone else. However in this area it seems virtually impossible to be successful. I expose myself to an environment (seemingly) designed for -attractive white males who play the part well- ("being gay" and whatever is stereotypically ascribed to that phrase these days). That is totally okay! I embrace that :) But given that I'm a black kid, and that social interactions are nearly synonymous with sexual ones in the gay community, most white guys/latinos won't even give me the time of day...I'm black...and most won't say it but most white/latinos don't 'go for blacks' (mehh). If its not announced then its often pretty clearly implied in my experience. SEX HAS NEVER BEEN ON MY AGENDA!? WHY IS THAT AN ISSUE!?!?!.....I JUST SAID HELLO!!! lol
So then I still have other black gay men to consort with right? I mean that should work right...I'm black they're black hahaha...sadly that is far from the case. My experience and observations have almost unanimously been that gay black men seek SEX...sex even over relationships...the same instance occurs in the white gay community BUT it occurs more open minded, open ended, and if all else fails at LEAST covered up lol (ugh, forgive me for even having made a distinction between the races here). I've grown quite resentful and bitter about this situation (gay friendships). I may not identify as gay but a healthy attraction to men is a part of me...period. So it is a personal issue yes, but a concern for "gay relationships" as a whole! I've just seen (and experienced) too many potentially worth while friendships and other relationships end in total ruin because we (if I may) can't keep it in our pants and remember that thoughts happen in the skull not the pants.
Pheww...so I've just puked all this up! Again PLEASE understand I'm not a racist, I'm not pro black/equality/fightin the man or any of that bullshit lol. And I'm really not as nerdy or awkward as I must have sounded...I just believe in addressing things I have qualm with elloquently and with tact ^_^
Having said all this, I guess my point for posting this here was because I want to know that I'm crazy, its just me noticing this, and I should get a real life or ANYTHING lol...but if I am not, whether you be black white, male or female, or whatever, please...what are your thoughts? Do other blacks feel this way? Do other white guys relate to the things I've mentioned? ANY thoughts on this thing will be most appreciated and well met. For those of you who actually read this...haha thank you for your time ^_^
*EDIT* Someone earlier brought up a good point. This must sound as if I have no friends or I'm one of those friend whores who whine and wretch about not having any or that I try TOO hard to make them haha. I'd hoped it didn't sound this way. All I can say is that is NOT my issue. I have straight friends I have gay friends (very few though)...my concern is the lack of propriety in the gay community and the lack thereof how it pertains to me
I find that making gay male friends to be virtually impossible! After thinking and thinking about it and just talking with (gay) friends about their lives and their latest conquests, relationships, and reading stuff from the media I've come to some unsettling conclusions. They are very BROAD and GENERAL conclusions, not indicating the whole but the majority...I know there are exceptions ^_^
1.) By in large gay men CANNOT make friends with other gay men. This is why: sex and "relationships" go hand in hand with gay life...they're inseparable. In as much as gay men look for friends they look for sex. It seems the premise for most gay friendships is that their friends be good looking which pretty much often turns into the potential and perhaps the inevitability of sex. There is the rub! Gay friendships typically form "safe sexual interaction" and not so much real friendships...
2.) (This ones kinda touchy but hopefully objective) If we all take one good look at gay media, overulingly, the 'gay image' is almost universally an Anglo-Saxon male typically with blue eyes, blonde(ish) hair, and golden (hopefully not artificially brown lol) skin OR he is the exotic buxom Latino (you know the type lol)...basically not black haha. This is not an attack or an accusation or anything of the sort...just objective observation. This is what I've noticed most gay men go for; in general interaction, friendships, and intimate relationships. I clearly do not fit this image lol. Most black guys don't! ^_^
Here is my personal dilemma. I live and thrive(?) in a world full of all kinds of people of varied race, colors, creeds, orientations, religions...what have you. But in this arena, gay life/living/lifetyle or whatever I cannot even begin to function! I like to make friends and to be a friend like everyone else. However in this area it seems virtually impossible to be successful. I expose myself to an environment (seemingly) designed for -attractive white males who play the part well- ("being gay" and whatever is stereotypically ascribed to that phrase these days). That is totally okay! I embrace that :) But given that I'm a black kid, and that social interactions are nearly synonymous with sexual ones in the gay community, most white guys/latinos won't even give me the time of day...I'm black...and most won't say it but most white/latinos don't 'go for blacks' (mehh). If its not announced then its often pretty clearly implied in my experience. SEX HAS NEVER BEEN ON MY AGENDA!? WHY IS THAT AN ISSUE!?!?!.....I JUST SAID HELLO!!! lol
So then I still have other black gay men to consort with right? I mean that should work right...I'm black they're black hahaha...sadly that is far from the case. My experience and observations have almost unanimously been that gay black men seek SEX...sex even over relationships...the same instance occurs in the white gay community BUT it occurs more open minded, open ended, and if all else fails at LEAST covered up lol (ugh, forgive me for even having made a distinction between the races here). I've grown quite resentful and bitter about this situation (gay friendships). I may not identify as gay but a healthy attraction to men is a part of me...period. So it is a personal issue yes, but a concern for "gay relationships" as a whole! I've just seen (and experienced) too many potentially worth while friendships and other relationships end in total ruin because we (if I may) can't keep it in our pants and remember that thoughts happen in the skull not the pants.
Pheww...so I've just puked all this up! Again PLEASE understand I'm not a racist, I'm not pro black/equality/fightin the man or any of that bullshit lol. And I'm really not as nerdy or awkward as I must have sounded...I just believe in addressing things I have qualm with elloquently and with tact ^_^
Having said all this, I guess my point for posting this here was because I want to know that I'm crazy, its just me noticing this, and I should get a real life or ANYTHING lol...but if I am not, whether you be black white, male or female, or whatever, please...what are your thoughts? Do other blacks feel this way? Do other white guys relate to the things I've mentioned? ANY thoughts on this thing will be most appreciated and well met. For those of you who actually read this...haha thank you for your time ^_^
*EDIT* Someone earlier brought up a good point. This must sound as if I have no friends or I'm one of those friend whores who whine and wretch about not having any or that I try TOO hard to make them haha. I'd hoped it didn't sound this way. All I can say is that is NOT my issue. I have straight friends I have gay friends (very few though)...my concern is the lack of propriety in the gay community and the lack thereof how it pertains to me