Comments | average_homos: Heya. Just a newb! :)

choclatethunder in average_homos

Heya. Just a newb! :)

Jul 08, 2010 15:19

Hey everyone! My name's Kev. I'm new here and all that good jive. I live in Columbia, South Carolina (kinda lame lol but what can ya do). I'm 23, I study music, and I'm not really gay...but definitely not straight either haha. Call it pansexual, call it bisexual, call it whatever. But at any rate there is a fairly pressing recurring issue that I've ( Read more... )

Comments 14

kj66 July 8 2010, 20:41:23 UTC

When I first came out I had a lot similar problems trying related to people. I felt the same way. I thought all anyone is interested in is the 3 D’s dick, drugs and drama. You also have to remember if you are in bars or online you can find the wrong types especially on online. You just have to keep looking for friends. It is discouraging for sure however there are good friends out there so try not to get too discourage. I eventually was able to develop a good circle of friends. My personal advice is just keep being you and people will notice those good qualities ( ... )

choclatethunder July 8 2010, 20:56:03 UTC

Thank you for that, papo :) I'm so glad (so far) this has been well received.

I suppose you are right. I also take into account the fact that men are still men...gay or straight. Its just that gay men have the added advantage of all the gay amenities such as, no legal gay marriage (so why not just live it up and f***), an overemphasized mandate to "be sexy" (goes without explanation), and a well intentioned accepting/inviting/affectionate sense of community (that unfortunately often times ends up as being okay with getting around...I fall prey to that temptation myself lol) haha. So Eh. It is like dom_ino said earlier an untendable issue. And if it is legitimate, I wish more were aware of it: ignorance (in its literal capacity) breeds division which begets conflict :(

kj66 July 9 2010, 12:29:11 UTC

You are welcome ( ... )

choclatethunder July 9 2010, 19:06:34 UTC

Ah you're right. I really only think on it when/if it happens...or when I see the same old bullshit at a club or at the work place or wherever lol. But as far what I do about it, given that I'm just a wee duckling on the gay scene, I remember that while these sex-heads are just lookin for a fix, I've much more stable and substantial relationships of my own. I guess not having had an issue with approaching people and being approachable (just casually) and then all of a sudden having an issue got to me a bit lol. I just can't get over how important sex is to some people is all lol ( ... )

Thread 6

shonokin July 8 2010, 21:40:39 UTC

The gay scene has been incredibly white where I've lived for most of my life, so I can't really comment on any of the racial issues, but I'd totally be friends with or date a non-white guy, be he black/asian/latino/martian etc ( ... )

artkouros July 9 2010, 12:08:43 UTC

Don't confuse the gay "scene" with real life. I live in the real world, am white, have more black gay friends than white, and am in a monogamous relationship with my black bf of 6 years. Sexual tension between gay friends is to be expected, since you're all attracted to guys. It's not going to be like straight guys who have male friends - because that sexual attraction isn't there. Gay friends are different. As you get older you'll learn to see past the sexual attraction of your friends and appreciate them for their other qualities - assuming they have any.

choclatethunder July 9 2010, 18:52:55 UTC

Good thoughts!

But when you make the distinction between the gay scene and real life do you mean to distinguish between "gay scene" and "real gay life" or the "gay scene" and "the rest of the world outside of gaydom"? If you meant the latter then I most certainly keep the two separate. BUT what I guess I neglected was that we ALL have dicks AND there is the potential for sexual attraction amongst all of us...dude that sucks lol. I guess I just have a problem with that because I'm one of the least sexual people anyone would prolly ever meet lol. Take that statement for what you will, but it is true lol

evil_admiral July 10 2010, 00:55:18 UTC

I'll just start out by saying that I have friends whom I have had sex with (albeit one time only), and I have gay friends where we have no interest in each other like that (or they have a boyfriend....). But frankly I find my straight friends and I tend to have more interests and personal beliefs in common that I do with other gay men. I like to say that I have few gay friends (though trying to fix that), but they're good friends ( ... )

_candide_ July 10 2010, 16:44:44 UTC

Well, I must be the exception here ( ... )

choclatethunder July 10 2010, 18:11:14 UTC

Heya, what an honest response, sincere response.

I remember when I've had sex with friends (and they were come to think of it nearly ALL people I met via a non club/internet/gay scene venue) we were only not friends after having to relocate. It seems the overarching response I'm hearing from people is "meet people in more public personal venues with friends and associates otherwise its a big hookup fest". And moreover, gay friendships happen much more readily the older you get.

I totally relate to having friends who you don't necessarily click with or don't have much in common with but you still have some kind of connection to where each other's company is enjoyable. I'm also glad that you've included friendships as a type of relationship...the word is entirely too exclusivised now.

Thanks for the $0.02 hehe