(no subject)
One month, one heart, one chance, who lost out? I don't see it, the bright lights burn my retna so. I can't see what it holds, whos arms are wrapped around whos waist, this is a waste. I'm melting, my mind can't handle this suspense, who will find me, I'm waiting. Forever, I will. Be what you believe. I am empty, I believe that. The doors have closed, the shutters have fallen from the windows, evicted. Done. Gone. Move out. Do we have a choice? Do we have a future? Ever?
I love you!
I can't sit here and say things I can't understand myself, it will make sense later. I love you. I have fallen in love, I have been heart broken. Pick up the pieces. Please. I can't do this alone. I can't keep living alone. I'm always alone. I can't. I cry alot. Hurt alot. Confuse myself more then anything. I need stability. Its selfish, but I need you for that. I need you, I love you. I can't have you. I never will again. I ruined my own life. I made so many bad choices, some unknowingly, others knowing and seeing the horrible fate that lay ahead of me, those were the times I needed someone, and you weren't there to let it go. Let the flaws fall behind us... you weren't and i hated you for that. I still hate you for it now. But now I want you anyways. I had something with you. I had love. I felt less empty, more secure. I need that. I can't keep dieing inside. How many times have I cried over you? How many times have I hated you? Does it matter? When good is good, bad doesnt matter. When bad is bad, good will come. Why couldnt we get past any of it. You were never good enough. But i never wanted good enough, I never expected that. Someone like me, with such low expectations of themself has very very low expectations of others, I had nothing of you, I asked for nothing. You were nothing and thats all I needed. I hate this feeling. I hate this one month mark. I hate it. I have nothing left to hope for. Nothing. This is getting to be too hard. I showed you this, my mind, i opened my whole heart to you, and you threw it away. I trusted you with that, and now its gone. I can't find it anymore. This journal was a piece of me nobody ahd seen. And you won't ever again. You dont realise how much i hide in the things I write. You think you see how i feel, but if thats what you think, you dont know anything, not the half of it, if you really knew me, if metaphors really were your forte you would see, im a fraud. Nobody knows me, I dont know me. I love you. I cant do this, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad. I hate myself, not you, i love you, i hate myself for ruining everything I had.
I love you!
I can't sit here and say things I can't understand myself, it will make sense later. I love you. I have fallen in love, I have been heart broken. Pick up the pieces. Please. I can't do this alone. I can't keep living alone. I'm always alone. I can't. I cry alot. Hurt alot. Confuse myself more then anything. I need stability. Its selfish, but I need you for that. I need you, I love you. I can't have you. I never will again. I ruined my own life. I made so many bad choices, some unknowingly, others knowing and seeing the horrible fate that lay ahead of me, those were the times I needed someone, and you weren't there to let it go. Let the flaws fall behind us... you weren't and i hated you for that. I still hate you for it now. But now I want you anyways. I had something with you. I had love. I felt less empty, more secure. I need that. I can't keep dieing inside. How many times have I cried over you? How many times have I hated you? Does it matter? When good is good, bad doesnt matter. When bad is bad, good will come. Why couldnt we get past any of it. You were never good enough. But i never wanted good enough, I never expected that. Someone like me, with such low expectations of themself has very very low expectations of others, I had nothing of you, I asked for nothing. You were nothing and thats all I needed. I hate this feeling. I hate this one month mark. I hate it. I have nothing left to hope for. Nothing. This is getting to be too hard. I showed you this, my mind, i opened my whole heart to you, and you threw it away. I trusted you with that, and now its gone. I can't find it anymore. This journal was a piece of me nobody ahd seen. And you won't ever again. You dont realise how much i hide in the things I write. You think you see how i feel, but if thats what you think, you dont know anything, not the half of it, if you really knew me, if metaphors really were your forte you would see, im a fraud. Nobody knows me, I dont know me. I love you. I cant do this, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad. I hate myself, not you, i love you, i hate myself for ruining everything I had.