(no subject)
i just had one of those completely non-deep, happens-to-everyone epiphanies that still made me stop everything i was doing and say "hummm" (in a tone of complete and utter astonishment).
between my mom mentioning the annual mother's day picnic, and sarah leaving me a message, i began to think about des moines (where i will be in two weeks), and were i was exactly a year ago from now. i remember this time last year so well, which makes sense considering it is, according to our culture, a pivotal and momentous period of life. i realized that sarah is going through all that graduation and senior stuff right now, which i literally hadn't thought about until now - i don't even know when her senior party is, and i probably won't be in the country for it, which makes me extremely sad.
but anyway, i began to ruminate where i was last year and what was important to me, and the impact hit me of what has happened in the twelve months separating me-of-yore and me-of-present. where are the threads of continuity? they're pretty damn thin and far between, although i'm sure going back to des moines will make them more eminent. so now i'm getting all nostalgic, and i can see very clearly in my mind a year ago, exactly what i did where and with whom and even what i was wearing and what i ate and what the weather was like. pretty trippy stuff.
also, i'm realizing how important things felt then. nothing feels very impressive now. i mean, i usually realize that whatever i allow to be drama in my life has happened many times over in many different variations and to many different degrees, to many different people. while i always feel like i'm living in transition, this time last year i felt the world shifting and apparently every moment was important enough that it was imprinted on my brain for a long while. but at present, while i still feel like i'm tottering on a period of transition, it all makes everything seem less important. i'm going through motions of experiences and i'm tucking them into my head for future reference - but it's all just part of a process, that's not so much altering me but preparing me for something that will matter.
eh, anyway. being home will be strange. being in france will be strange. life will be strange. it's kinda nice that way.
between my mom mentioning the annual mother's day picnic, and sarah leaving me a message, i began to think about des moines (where i will be in two weeks), and were i was exactly a year ago from now. i remember this time last year so well, which makes sense considering it is, according to our culture, a pivotal and momentous period of life. i realized that sarah is going through all that graduation and senior stuff right now, which i literally hadn't thought about until now - i don't even know when her senior party is, and i probably won't be in the country for it, which makes me extremely sad.
but anyway, i began to ruminate where i was last year and what was important to me, and the impact hit me of what has happened in the twelve months separating me-of-yore and me-of-present. where are the threads of continuity? they're pretty damn thin and far between, although i'm sure going back to des moines will make them more eminent. so now i'm getting all nostalgic, and i can see very clearly in my mind a year ago, exactly what i did where and with whom and even what i was wearing and what i ate and what the weather was like. pretty trippy stuff.
also, i'm realizing how important things felt then. nothing feels very impressive now. i mean, i usually realize that whatever i allow to be drama in my life has happened many times over in many different variations and to many different degrees, to many different people. while i always feel like i'm living in transition, this time last year i felt the world shifting and apparently every moment was important enough that it was imprinted on my brain for a long while. but at present, while i still feel like i'm tottering on a period of transition, it all makes everything seem less important. i'm going through motions of experiences and i'm tucking them into my head for future reference - but it's all just part of a process, that's not so much altering me but preparing me for something that will matter.
eh, anyway. being home will be strange. being in france will be strange. life will be strange. it's kinda nice that way.